Chapter 6

Nanatiling nakayakap si Mayari kay Apollo. Sa mga oras na ‘yon ay ramdam niyang ligtas siya sa bisig nito.

Maya maya’y tumunog ang telepono ng huli, dahilan para bumitaw sila sa pagkakayakap sa isa't isa.

“Hello?... Ha? Bakit?... Anong nangyari?... Saan?... Okay papunta na ‘ko,” halata sa boses niya ang pag-aalala, hindi na nakapag-paalam si Apollo kay Mayari at madali nang tumakbo palabas

Hindi na niya tinangkang sundan pa ang binata, ngayon niya lamang nakita ang gano’ng mukha ni Apollo. Namumutla ito at mangiyak ngiyak na.

Inabot niya ang telepono at nag-iwan ng mensahe sa kaibigan.

“I don’t know what happened but if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. Whatever it is, I hope it will be alright, I hope you’re fine.”

Hindi na niya hinintay pa ang reply nito at ipinagpatuloy na lang ang pagliligpit.

Sa kabilang anda, pawis si Apollo na tumatakbo papasok sa isang ospital. Tila wala siyang naririnig at nakikita, tuliro niyang itinanong sa nurse ang detalye tungkol sa isang matandang dumating kani kanina lamang

“Apollo?” pagtawag sa kanya ng ama

“Dad, where’s abuela?” nangingiyak niyang tanong “what happened?” dagdag niya pa at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ng ama

“She’s upstairs in her room,” nakayukong tugon ng ama

Agad na tumakbo si Apollo papunta sa kwarto ng kaniyang lola, mabilis ang kabog ng kanyang dibdib at tila tatalon ang kanyang puso mula rito.

Dahan dahan niyang binuksan ang pinto, hindi handa sa kung anong sasalubong sa kanyang itsura ng matanda pagpasok niya sa loob.

He felt his surrounding become darker, the only thing he can see is the woman he loved the most after her mother—laying on a hospital bed with a lot of apparatus connected to her. He can see that she’s suffering from her situation right now, and the worst thing is he can’t do anything to make her feel better.

He sat beside the table and kissed his grandmother’s forehead,

“It’s okay, abuela. You can go now, it’s been a hell of a journey, go take your rest. We’ll be fine, I’ll be fine,” bulong niya rito; tila ba may sariling buhay ang kanyang mga luha at nag-unahan itong lumabas mula sa kanyang mga mata.

The room was filled with silence, and silence for Apollo means peace and serenity but right at this moment; silence becomes a friend of grief, defeat, and sadness. He let that moment slip through his hands again, just like what he did to his Mom; he never asked them to fight because he was too scared to hurt them.

Moments have passed and the flat line noise broke the silence. His grandmother signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) form; so he did nothing. He stood over his dying grandmother, he feels weak to make a move or at least think. Apollo fell to his knees, his world is starting to fall apart again.

“What happened?!” his dad entered the room and grab him on his collar

“She’s gone,” Apollo said while looking down, he’s not on himself right now, he knew his father knows that. He did not say that to his father, either, he's saying it to himself. Trying to process everything.

“She’s gone,” he said and pushed his father; he ran.

His feet brought him to the fire exit, he sat on the stairs and cry. His phone rang and he didn’t bother to look at the caller, he answered it right away and cried. That’s all he needs now.

His mom’s dead, and now his grandmother has died. He got no one to cry onto.

“Hey, Apollo, what happened? Are you crying? Is everything alright?” Mayari spoke on the other line

“She’s gone,” Apollo then cried

“Hey, it’s okay, just—you don’t have to speak now. Just cry, I’ll be here. I’ll listen when you’re ready,” the next moments were silent, she let Apollo cried and she just listened to his sobs over the phone,

“Mayari, my grandmother’s gone, just like that and she’s gone,” Mayari doesn’t know what to say, this is her first time seeing Apollo get so emotional.

“Nasa’n ka ba? Do you want me to come over?” she asked

“No, I-I’m fine, I’m sorry,” Apollo got back to his senses and wipe his tears

“No, that’s fine. I’m glad that I called to check up on you. I’ll be here whenever you need me,” Apollo did not respond and hang up the call, he put his hands over his head, trying to think about what happened—he still doesn’t want to believe it.

Minutes passed and he decided to go back to his grandmother’s room.

“Hey, Pol, I’m sorry about earlier I just--”

“Enough, Dad. It’s not about us now,” he cut off his Dad and sit beside him

“She was waiting for you downstairs tapos narinig na lang naming may bumagsak, when we got there, she’s laying on the floor—unconscious,” his Dad explained,

Apollo looked down and held his face

“Cardiac arrest. That was the doctor said, hindi na raw ‘yon imposible sa edad at lagay ng puso niya,” dagdag pa nito

Apollo didn’t say a word,

“I’ll ask the maid to prepare her things,” his Dad said

“No. I’ll do it,” he said then walks away.

It’s not the first time that Apollo felt this kind of grief. The weight of the darkness trying to conquer his whole world is getting heavier. Kinakain siya nito nang buo.

Huminto siya sa sakayan ng taxi, bahagyang tumingala at bumuntong hininga.

He knew he doesn’t want to have this kind of ending in different stories and situations.

A taxi stopped in front of him, he grabbed the door and sat at the corner. He let his head rest on the window, he wants to sleep. He wants to rest for a while but right now—resting doesn’t feel resting anymore. Hindi na nadadaan sa tulog ‘yong pagod na nararamdaman niya.

Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay huminto ang taxi sa tapat ng bahay ni Apollo, agad siyang bumaba at mabigat ang mga hakbang na lumakad papunta sa pintuan,

“It doesn’t feel like home anymore,” he whispered once he opened the door

He went directly to his grandmother’s closet,

This room smells like her, he thought

Kinuha niya ang isang dress mula sa damitan ng kanyang lola at inilatag ito sa kama.

This was his gift to her last Christmas.

Every move that he’s doing is heavy, every step he’s taking is against his will. This is not the moment he’s expecting her grandmother to wear that dress.

He sat on the bed and hugged the dress, he used to do it on her mom’s stuff and it hurts more now that he has two different bedrooms with different things but feeling the same grief and anger.

If he could just come home early, he would have another moment with his Abuela.

He’s starting to feel it again… like everything’s his fault. That he could’ve done better.

“Stuff happens to people, all the time, and it’s not your fault,” his grandmother’s voice echoed in his thoughts

Maybe it’s time for him to stop beating himself up from the things he can’t control.

“Bad things happen to people, life can sometimes be terrible—live a happy life. Don’t waste your time grieving, crying, and chasing. You have to keep moving. Accept. Move on,” he remembered what his grandmother use to say whenever he feels like he’s the one to blame on his mother’s death.

He looked up and let his body fall on his abuela’s bed. He doesn’t want to feel this kind of emptiness again. He never knew that emptiness can be this heavy.

“Mom! Mom! Mom! Look!” young Apollo tried to get his mom’s attention, but she was too busy preparing food

It was Apollo’s 5^th birthday, he’s wearing his swimming trunks and arm floaties; running around the pool.

“Mom! Mom! I can swim!” He said then jump on the pool

His mom looked his way and immediately run towards him, he was drowning.

“Pol!!” his mom shouts

Everything went slow for Apollo, he saw his mother slip—she was lying on the floor. She’s not moving.

“Apollo!” his grandmother screams.

Apollo wakes up from his bad dream, that’s how his mother died. That has been haunting him for years, he was blaming himself. It was somehow his fault.

His tears started falling again—he’s been dreaming about his mom’s death, the only thing that’s different now is he can’t cry in his grandmother’s arms.

He sighed and sat down, he looked around the room once again then walks to the door.

“I already miss you, Abuela,” he whispered then close the door

Apollo went downstairs and found a familiar figure seating on the couch, from its broad shoulders, height, and hair—he knew exactly who it was.

It’s been five years since the last time they saw each other, he’s not familiar with its presence anymore.

“Kuya,” Apollo whispered.