Chapter 3

Until now, I am still wondering how fast do I make myself comfortable with his company. I just amazes me to see myself being able to do something that I wasn’t aware I could do with a acquaintance. Magtatampo siguro sila Kyla kung malalaman nila ang nilalaman ng isip ko ngayon. Back when we were in highschool, maraming effort pa ang ginawa nila bago lamang ako nakapag-adjust sa mga kabaliwan nila. It is a long process for me to make new friends but still. They have made it. As of today, they couldn’t see me as the masungit one but the angel one. Naalala ko nga nung minsan ay pinuna ni Shan ang paging bossy ng aura ko. But I couldn’t notice that, for me, I was just casually staring at someone. Sa tinagtagal ng panahon, kabisa na ata nila ang takbo ng isip ko.

Kanina pa kami narito ni Ry sa dalampasigan. Kakatapos lamang naming kumain ng hapunan kasama ang mga pamilya ngunit kami na lamang ang naririto sa labas. Umakyat na si Leeyah dulot ng pagod mulasa biyahe. Ako naman ay may lakas pa dahil nakatulog naman ako kanina.

“Weren’t you already tired?” Pilit kong itinago ang pag-alala sa aking boses. Baka kasi ay mawirduhan siya sa akin. I mean, we weren’t that close then I would do such thing. Though I am such a caring person. Hindi lang halata.

Tahimik niyang tinatanaw ang kalmadong paghampas ng tubig sa lupa. Pareho kaming nakaupo sa iisang sun lounger ngunit may dapat na distansya para hindi ako mailang. Siguro, kung normal na tao lamang ako ay magkakagusto ako sa kaniya. But these flattering hearts and moments aren’t enough to make me think I already like him. Maybe, friends. We could be.

“I still have an ample energy to accompany you,” he said straightly. Thank God! Hindi ako umiinom sa oras na ito. Kung hindi ay baka nasamid ako sa narinig.

So, he wasn’t the type of guy who loves to trace different directions, huh? Straight to the point.

“Hindi na ako bata para kailangan pang samahan,” I commented on his answer.

“Hindi naman porque matanda ka na ay kaya mo nang mag-isa. Though you look like a child last Christmas on that grocery store while looking for me,” he teased. Malawak pa siyang ngumisi sa akin na naging dahilan upang umusbong ang pagkainis sa aking pagkatao.

Ang laking pagtitimpi ko na hindi siya hampasin dahil doon. Napairap na lamang ako sa hangin. Isa iyon sa mga bagay na kailanman ay hindi na nais balikan ng aking isipan. Maybe it wasn’t a hurtful memory but it happens to bring me back to my trauma that day. The first thing that I hate is public. I don’t hate the crowd but the fact I cannot do be with my own. During that time, my mind is filled with what if scenarios like he forgetting me and go home. Hindi ko kabisado ang lugar dito at wala pa rin akong sim na maaaring tumawag sa kaniya at lalong hindi ko kayang magtanong ng free wifi para lamang padalhan ng mensahe ang aking mga magulang. Surely, it is truly exhausting for me.

He said sorry after leaving me on that aisle because he was not able to look for me, so, it is already settled. Sino ba naman ako para mag-inarte, hindi ba?

“By the way, congratulations for your best thesis!”

I smiled.

I didn’t know that he knew that. Our thesis is more advanced than other courses. Faculties suggested that because they knew how hard is it to have your On-the-Job Training while doing your own thesis. Individual pa naman ang sa amin. Kaya laking pasasalamat namin sa aming mga professors dahil kahit papano ay may considerations pa naman sa buto nila.

“Thank you! I didn’t know that Ma shared that to your family too,” sabay kaming natawa marahil doon. Since magkaroon ng contact ang aking Ina sa magulang ni Ry ay halos lahat ng pangyayari sa buhay ko ay ipinamahagi na.

“Yeah, Tita did. But I was able to learn that first on your I* story.”

Nanlaki ang aking mata dahil doon. So, he is following me on my social media account? Obviously! He just mentioned that he saw my story. I suddenly remembered that my friends had tagged me on their stories and saying their greetings.

“Wait! What is your username? Hindi ko napansin. Sorry,” I guiltily said. Hindi ko man madalas pinapansin ang mga bagong followers sa account ko dahil halos lahat ay hindi ko naman kilala.

“No, it’s okay. I bet, Leeyah will be much hurt if you followed me earlier than her. She is actually the one who had found yours first.”

Bago ako nagpahinga ng araw na iyon ay minabuti kong mahanapang kani-kanilang mga social media accounts. Grabe. Nakakahiya.

Tinanghali na akong nagising kinabukasan. Late na rin kasi akong natulog. Ang dami ko pa kasing inaasikaso bago pumikit. Ayos lang naman iyon dahil wala naman na akong pasok kaya hindi na ako obligadong gumising ng umaga. Gagamitin ko talaga ang bakasyon na ito para matulog ng matulog. Ang daming tulog ang nabawas sa akin dahil sa stress at pagkaabala sa sandamakmak na requirements.

Halos wala na akong kasama sa bahay nang magising. Panigurado ay maagang gumayak ang aking mga magulang para sa outreach program. Taunan kaming mayroong ganitong ginagawang gawain para sa mga batang nakatira sa bahay-ampunan. Lalo na’t bakasyon at ilang araw na lamang ay pasukan na nilang muli. Sapagkat isang linggo na lamang ay magpapalit na naman ang buwan.

“Good morning,” pagbati ni Ry nang maabutan ko siya sa hallway ng aming kwarto sa pangatlong palapag. Halatang kakagising pa lamang dahil gulo-gulo pa ang buhok.

“Good morning!”

It’s unfair for him to look hot with his messy hair, meanwhile, mine’s looked like a disaster. Sabay na kaming bumaba upang mag-almusal.

“Mama texted na sumunod na lang daw tayo sa kanila. Kanina pa raw sila nakaalis,” he informed me before taking a chair for me. I silently thanked him before having my seat. Nakahanda na sa mesa ang pagkain kaya hindi na kami magluluto pa ng para sa amin.

“Sure. Mag-commute na lang siguro tayo. Mukhang dinala nila ang lahat ng sasakyan,” I suggested.

Matapos kumain ay umakyat na rin kami upang maghanda sa paggayak. Nahirapan pa akong naghanap ng susuotin sapagkat limitado lamang ang damit na aking dala. Almost three-fourth of my clothes in the luggage is for home casual wears. Kung mayroon mang pang-alis ay bilang at hindi pa angkop aming pupuntahan. Ang mga dress kasing narito ay pang-formal. Baka sabihan pa akong overdressed. Ang tanging pants na nadala ko lamang ay ang ginamit ko kahapon at hanggang ngayon ay nasa laundry pa.

No choice ako kung hindi isuot ang high-waist short kasama ang fitted na spaghetti strap. Pinatungan ko na lamang ng cardigan upang hindi gaanong nakakailang. I wore light make up to cover my pale face. They might have suspected me that I am sick. When I ran downstairs, I saw Ry sitting comfortably on one of the couch while busy maneuvering his phone. Nang maramdaman niya ang aking presensya ay maagap siyang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. Pinagmasdan niya pa ng ilang sandali ang aking suot ay binigyan ng mabilis na pagkunot ng noo. Hindi man niya ipahalata ay napansin ko naman iyon. Matikas siyang tumayo at nagpaalam na aakyat lang sandali dahil may kukuhanin sa kaniyang silid. Naguguluhan man ay tumango na rin. Mukha naman siyang ready na.

Ilang sandali pa ay nakarinig ako ng yapak mula sa hagdan. I saw him holding a blazer. Ayun lang pala. Akala ko ay kung ano na. Before going, we both made sure that all of the doors and windows are locked. After checking, he opened the front door for me before locking it. He borrowed the key and the one who closed it.

Lumakad kami ng ilang minuto upang makarating sa paradahan ng tricycle upang sumakay. Hindi ko maiwasang matawa sa tanawin. With his manly outfit, a light pink sling bag is hanging on his shoulder. A while ago, he claimed my bag, saying that he will carry my stuff. Umangal man ay wala nang nagawa. Masiyado siyang persistent.

As a gentleman, he had let me take my seat inside the three-wheel car before him. Bago magsimulang umandar ay ibinagay niya sa akin ang coat na kanina niya pang bitbit. Wala naman akong reklamo roon. I was actually thankful that he is such a thoughtful guy. Kaya wala akong karapatang mag-inarte. Gusto ko ngang tawanan siya dahil bawat minuto atang dadaan ay sa akin siya nakatutok. His left hand is resting at the back of our chair. Pasimpleng nakaharang ang kaniyang palad sa bakal na nasa aking gilid kaya kung dadaan man sa humps ay doon tatama ang aking ulo. Everytime, he will always look for me and check if I am alright.

Unconsciously, my hand rested on his thigh. He flinched a little when I did that but he did not complain.

“Hey, I am alright,” I chuckled on his ear. Hindi kami magkakarinigan sapagkat malakas ang pag-ihin ng hangin. Gayon din ang makina kaya Imposible para sa amin ang mag-usap ng normal.

“Hindi ba nangangawit ang braso mo?” I asked him. Umiling lamang siya sa akin. Halos kalahating minuto na kami sa biyahe at hindi man lamang nakakapagpahinga ito. Because of guilt, I reached for his hand and let it rest on my side. Sumandal din ako sa likod upang hindi tumama ang ulo sa bakal kung sakaling maalog man kami. Bahagya siyang nagulat ngunit hindi pa rin umimik. Kahit na hindi siya nakaharap sa akin ay naaaninag ko pa rin ang multong ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

Malayo-layo rin ang aming biyahe dahil halos karatig bayan ang aming papatunguan. Halos lahat sila ay abala sa paghahanda ng tanghalian ng mga bata pagkarating namin. Agad namang nagsitakbuhan sa akin ang mga bata nang makilala nila ang aking presensya. Tuwang-tuwa nang makita nila akong muli. Isa-isa ko naman silang niyakap at binati.

“Ate!”

Halos matawa ako nang hindi pa rin nila ako lubayan matapos silang yakapin.

“Na-miss niyo ba si ate Ze?” Ate Chantal asked the kids which they answered obligingly with ‘Opo’. Si ate Chantal ngayon ang nagsisilbing tagapamahala sa bahay-ampunan. Originally, it was her mother but she had already rested and left this world. To honor her mother, she willingly continues her parents’ journey. Even though it is supported by the government, but it wasn’t enough. My grandparents knew them for a long time already.

Tinawag na nila Mommy ang mga bata upang kumain kaya umalis muna sila sa aking tabi. Malawak akong nginitian ni ate Chantal kung kaya’t lumapit ako sa kaniya upang yakapin.

“Namayat kang bata ka,” she said while hugging me.

“Parang wala naman pong pinagbago, ate,” I kidded. Malakas siyang tumawa sa aking biro bago balingan si Ry na abala sa pag-oobserba sa paligid habang may ngiti sa labi. He looked so innocent with the smile.

“Ate Chantal, si Ry pala. Nakakatandang kapatid ni Leeyah. Yung kasama nila Mama,” pagpapakilala ko rito. Marahan kong kinalabit si Ry upang iharap sa kausap. Magiliw namang nakipagkilala ito sa binata at binigyan din ito ng yakap.

“Kaya siguro single pa ako ngayon,” she jokingly said those words to me. Hindi ko maiwasang humagalakpak sa tuwa at piniling sakyan ito.

“Baka nga po,” I laughed heartily.

Tinawag muna ni Mommy si Ry upang ipakilaka sa mga bata kaya naiwan kaming dalawa sa gilid. She smiled genuinely before turning her head to them.

“Nararamdaman kong mabait siyang bata,” she said without taking a glance at me. It feels like her context wanted to reach for something. Mayroon itong kahulugan. Bago magpaalam upang tumulong ay binigyan niya ako ng isang misteryosong ngiti.

Ako naman ay lumapit kay Ry upang kuhanin ang bag sa kaniya. Naabutan ko siyang magiliw na nakikipag-usap kay Ella, isa sa mga bata. Mahina ko siyang tinapik upang kuhanin ang atensyon panandalian. I gestured him my bag and he swiftly took it on his shoulder before handing. Pumunta ako sa loob upang itabi ang mga gamit. Hanggang ngayon ay nasa akin pa rin ang kaniyang blazer. Dumiretso na rin ako ng kusina upang tumulong sa mga gagawin.

Pumalakpak ang aking mata nang makita si kuya kasama si ate Yan. I hurriedly walk to them and give ate a hug. She said that there is a possibility that they couldn’t make it but here they are!

“Minsan talaga, hindi ko na alam kung ako ba o si Yan ang kapatid mo. Mas sabik ka pang makita siya kaysa sa akin,” animo’y nagtatanong saad ng aking kapatid. Mahinhing natawa naman ang mapapangasawa sa amin.

“Kuya, for almost 25 years, iyang at iyan ang nakikita kong mukha sa bahay. Noong nag-26 ka lamang bumukod sa amin at nagminsanang nagpapakita sa akin. Sa tingin mo ba ay hindi pa ako nagsasawa?” I said dramatically. Napairap naman sa akin ito umakbay sa akin.

Sus. Hindi ko man sabihin ay halata namang na-miss ako nito. Pakipot pa. Sandali pa akong nakipag-usap sa kanila bago tumungo kila Mommy upang batiin sila Tita Shie. Hinayaan lamang nila akong tumulong sa kusina.

Abala ako sa paghihiwa ng mga rekados nang lapitan ako ni Kuya.

“Ze, entertain the kids with Ry. Huwag mo na silang tulungan,” he ordered me. Dumiretso muna ako sa lababo upang magtanggal ng amoy ng sibuyas sa palad bago lumabas at puntahan ang mga bata. Naabutan kong namimigay ng gamit para sa pagpipinta rito. Ktang kita sa kaniyang mga mata ang kasiyahan habang tinitignan ang mga bata. I’m glad the he loves them quickly. Sino ba namang hindi makaka-resist sa charms nila. Hindi lang cute at malulusog kung hindi magigiliw din.

I couldn’t help but to feel pity with their situation. Wala silang ibang matatakbuhan kung hindi ang tahanang ito. Halos lahat sila ay simula nang mamulat sa mundo ay dito nagkaisip. I am blessed enough to live in this world with a happy and fulfilling life. I have the privilege and at the same time, I could have what I want with or without whining. But inside this feeling, there is an admiration growing towards the children. Instead of being miserable with less fortunate childhood, I could see the genuine smile vibrating on their faces. Like there is no problem outside this home.

I made myself composed before walking towards their place. Sinigurado ko munang lagyan ng ngiti ang aking mga labi bago humakbang. There is no place for me to be sad for them. I should rejoice with the grace of God. He made us meet these lovely children and gave them a loving guardian, and that is ate Chantal. Who is willingly to fill the gap in their situations. The God used the lovely woman for His will.

“Your mother mentioned that you are into art. I am hoping that you could teach them some of your techniques?” Ry said to me softly.

“Sure! I’ll teach them shading. Can you ready some parable for them? I mean, so we could have the application for the activity?” I asked him. Wala naman siyang magagawa dahil siya lamang ang available. Nagpaalam muna siya sa akin sandali upang kuhanin ang telepono sa aking sling bag. Pinatayo ko muna ang mga bata upang magdasal. Labis ang tuwang aking nadarama nang sila pa ang nagboluntaryong gumawa noon. Ate Chantal must’ve thought them so we’ll. Ilang minuto lamang ay lumabas na rin siya habang bitbit ang kinuha. He swiftly took the chair beside the terrace and give it to me. Nagpasalamat naman ako sa kaniya at nag-umpisa nang kuhanin ang kanilang atensyon.

I made sure that there is no discussion I have left behind about the art. It is one of my passions but it had never crossed my mind to become an artist. It is just one of my hobbies anyway. A stress reliever. Teaching them might be exhausting but it is surely fun. All of them are attentive during the activity. Lahat din sila ay nakikisali tuwing may itatanong o ipapagawa sa kanila. Minsan nga ay nahuhuli ko rin ang binata na nakikinig sa amin. Halata namang tapos na siya sa preparation since he had time in lurking around. Minsan ay inaalalayan niya rin ang mga bata kung may hindi nakakasunod sa aking instructions.

“Naunawan niyo ba ang lahat ng aking itinuro?” I asked them lightly. I laughed when they answered in chaos. After finishing, I went to Ry and said that it is his time to shine. He took the stage and started doing a story telling. Upon his performance, I could tell that he has the charm to be on stage. I mean, in public speaking. He got the talent. Kung kanina ay aktibo ang mga bata, ngayon naman ay taimtim silang nakikinig. You could see in my view how engrossed they were with the story. The story is about Abraham and his beloved son, Isaac. How God had challenged his loyal man to serve his miracle son for Him. The whole context has shown us that your faith is bigger than other thing, about trusting everything to the creator. It always amazes me how big is it for Abraham to trust God and doing everything for Him, even if it means sacrificing his beloved. Our Pastor once said that he could do it because he do believe that the God can bring the life of his son. That He had gave the life, and gave it again because He had promised that Isaac will live for a long time.

Hindi rin nagtagal ay nagsimula na rin silang magpinta. We instructed them to paint with what they have learned upon the story. An application for the whole session. I went to Sam when I saw her having a hard time painting, a three-year old girl. Well, this is her last day for the said age. She is the youngest among them. Halos ang mga kasama niya rito ay nasa anim hanggang walong taong gulang. So, everyone here in their home had treated her in a special way. Bunso kasi.

Sa kanila ng patnubay ng mga ate’t kuya ay bukod tangi siyang tahimik sa lahat. Hindi mapagkakaila ang maamo nitong mukha na sumasalamin sa katauhan. I can see myself in her while I were in her age. Despite of having a lovely environment, I became a monochrome.

I asked her questions that is connected with the story that they have heard earlier and guided the girl to draw it with her canvas. We were both smiling when we finally had finished her work.

“Go on and pass it to Kuya Ry,” I encouraged her to give it to her teacher because the little girl is too shy.

Niyakap niya naman ako sa leeg upang magtago ng mahuling nanonood sa amin ang binata. He smiled at me when my gaze had caressed with his. Tawang-tawa naman ako rito sapagkat kani-kanina lamang ay nalaman kong may crush ito kay Ry. Nang mapansin nito na nagkakaroon ng biruan sa pagitan namin ni Sam ay lumapit na siya sa amin upang makiusyoso. Lumakas ang aking tawa nang mas sumiksik ito sa espasyo ng aking leeg nang marinig ang boses ng kinagigiliwan. Sinubukan kong tumayo dahil sa pangagawit ngunit ipinulupot naman nito ang mga maiikling braso sa akin.

“Nahihiya sa’yo, Ry. Parang crush ka ata ni Sam,” pabiro kong sagot dito upang asarin ang karga-karga na ngayon.

I laughed heartily when she shook her head aggressively without lifting her head. I pointed Sam’s work so Ry can have it and gave to ate Chantal. All of their works from previous until the present are being kept and displayed in their hall. I continued teasing the poor little girl, so as Ry. Nakiramay na rin siya sa akin.

“Hm, gwapo ba si kuya?”

Nasa ganoon kaming ayos nang dumating na sila Mommy para sa merienda ng mga bata. Bakas sa kanilang mga mukha ang kagalakan habang kumukuha ng kaniya-kaniyang pagkain.

“Ry, can you carry her? Namamanhid na yung braso ko,” I ask the man beside me who’s still busy teasing the poor girl. He gladly took Sam and accompany her to get some food. Our parents who’s busy looking for us plastered a big bright smile. Sus, kung alam ko lamang ay hanggang ngayon ay umiiral pa ang paging kupido.

Maya-maya pa ay lumapit na sa akin si kuya habang akay-akay si ate Yan upang magpaalam.

“Ang aga naman ng alis niyo. Can’t you stay just this evening. Ate Yan looked so tired,” I said worriedly. My brother gave me a pat on my head before uttering a reason.

“Sorry, princess. We still have to get ready for our business trip tomorrow. Nadaan lamang talaga kami rito upang magpaalam. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of your ate Yan.”

Nagpumilit pa ako ng ilang beses bago bumigay. They really couldn’t stay here even for another hour. They bid a goodbye to everyone and giving me a kiss on my cheeks. Hinatid ko na sila sa parking dahil masyadong abala pa sila Mommy. Niyakap pa muli ako ng dalawa bago nagpasyang umalis. Nanatili ako sa labas hangga’t nakikita pa ang kanilang sasakyan na umaandar.

I flinched when I caught Ry waiting for me on the gate of the house. He took that opportunity to walk towards my way. Namalayan ko na lamang na siya ay nasa aking harapan.

“You must’ve missed your older brother,” he said while examining my face.

“Yeah. Bihira ko na lamang siyang makita dulot ng may sarili na siyang buhay. I mean, you know, his priorities multiplied after having his work. When we were younger, he used to date me whenever he sense my gloom. We may act like a cat and dog but he is the best,” I replied. It has been a great time spending my days with my brother. We were great buddies. He was my mentor and as well as my knight and shining armor beside my father. Hindi ko man aminin ay nakakaramdam ako ng pagkalungkot tuwing siya’y aalis.

He smiled at me, bringing a comfort and warmth feeling inside. It may be a simple gesture but the voltage that went into my nerves as soon as I sighted the scenario, those voltage had power enough to send me millions of messages that only we could know. It is somehow saying that I shouldn’t be feel worried and sad, because that could take us to a lot of opportunities for them. That I shouldn’t feel lonely because he was and will always be there. That they maybe out for some priorities but I will never be the least. And the last thing was admiration.

Ilang sandali pa ay tinawag na kami ni Leeyah upang ipamigay ang mga gamit na nakalaan para sa mga bata. That single moment felt like an hour. Tuwang-tuwa naman ang lahat nang makita kung gaano sila kasaya sa mga natanggap. Those smiles had always encouraged me to do more. To be the best, not just for myself but for everyone. It is refreshing to see those genuine smiles in this world. Where the world is full of greed and jealousy, here they are, being contented of what do they have. Those simple gestures could make everyone realize that you could make a difference. Helping someone isn’t a burden. Most especially, for those who are privileged enough to get what they wanted. Being kind is for free. But cruelty would always charge you a karma.

Life will always be fair, the world isn’t. You may think that life has been unfair to you, but your surroundings will always be. The world is too cruel for everyone, some people would just love to adapt it. Sometimes, the were left with no options but to be in the dark side. It has always been you. Reflect on how you should act in front of everyone and assess the situation. Maybe you could build a hope within the lines where everyone could make a silver lining upon this seesaw’s riding.