What happens if I say the truth

Chapter 7

Damon's POV

I could finally see her but still I was at loss for words…. I wanted to say a lot, so much, but I wasn't really sure where to start from. 

I have thought about this moment for so long and I actually planned it! With the help of our mums of course. 

It was hard spilling my guts especially when Vanny'smum was coincidentally at home when I got there, but I had to, Mrs Monday was no stranger anyways, she practically raised me up with my mum. 

I told them everything, I confessed my love for Vanessa to them and even told them about the fight I had with Jessica and the reason I was engaged to her in the first place and hoped they saw reason with me on why I could not go on living a lie. 

I expected them to support me full on without objection but I should have known better. My mum always stressed on the impression we left with people and she sure made it clear that she didn't like the way I ended things with Jessica. 

Yes she hated that I was living a lie and yes she thought it was right I ended things with her as soon as possible but she didn't like the way I handled it.

Well you weren't there mum! You don't know how infuriating Jessica can be! 

But my mum had always taught me to be a gentleman no matter the circumstance, to try to treat people with kindness in every situation. 

But I lost it all with Jessica, I forgot any home training I had and became a cruel man. 

I knew I had to smoothen things with her so we can at least have an amicable relationship but she would have to wait.

The only thing on my mind right now was Vanessa and seeing her gorgeous face. 

So I got the mums involved and we made a perfect plan to get her to come here, so that I could at least see her and know that she was alright.

But you know how these things go…. Planning is one thing but reality is a whole different ball game and now that I was face to face with Pammy, I forgot whatever plans I had and just wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her I loved her. 

If only I was an irrational man! 

Instead I said "can I come in?!" Like what was that?! 

Of course I could come in! I've been in this house more times than I could remember. It was a second home to me, it was our home. 

Still she opened the door wide for me and when I stepped into the house all I could think was "what next?" 

I had no clue how to go about this, what to say that wouldn't mess things up even more. Maybe I should just start with the truth, the truth is always better I think. 

However now that I actually could see her again I knew I couldn't tell her all the truth…. Maybe just a little would be enough.

I went straight to the sitting room and sat down on the sofa closest to me, watching her as she purposely sat down opposite me, crossed her legs and then had that look like "what's up?" 

At that moment her mum chose that perfect time to break the ice in the room and came downstairs. She looked as beautiful as ever and it reminded me of where Vanessa got her good looks. 

"Good day Mrs Monday," I said, but she gave me that look and I had to correct myself, " Sorry, Good day Jennifer." 

"Hi Damon, how are you?" She asked with that lovely soothing voice of hers.

"I'm alright, how about you?" 

"Oh I'm great!" She replied, "Especially now that Vanessa decided it was time to grace us with her presence!" She added with a sly grin.

"Mum!" Vanessa yelled. 

"What is it darling? It's the plain truth, but we are all glad you're back to planet earth," she said now grinning very hard. 

She just folded her hands and looked away. Well she should be used to this anyways. Her mum always found a chance to embarrass her whenever I was around and it went both ways actually.

My mum saw it as her duty to kill me with embarrassment whenever Vanessa was around. Somehow I felt it was just their own special way to show us that they knew something we didn't. Or maybe they just loved to see our faces go red. 

I was actually enjoying seeing Vanessa look so uncomfortable. It made the mood between us a lot lighter and I wished her mum could stay a bit longer but I knew she would like to give us our space. 

"So Damon dear, I'm heading over to your mum's place because I miss her so dearly even though I just saw her yesterday…. But that's what best friends are for anyways," she said, stretching the last part deliberately and very loudly. 

"Okay, do tell her I'll be there soon," I said. 

"Oh no worries, take your time!" She exclaimed, but don't let that daughter of mine out of your sight, I don't want her to run away before I get back," she instructed.

She said it with a very serious tone but I could tell from the smile on her lips that she was about to break into uncontrollable laughter. 

Maybe I shouldn't have told her how I really felt after all, she could definitely not be trusted with a secret. Still I knew that she would never say a word to Vanessa if I didn't want her to.

"I'll try," I told her.

"Well you better, she's all I have. Alright then, later," she said, stepping out and closing the door shut and there was complete silence in the room.

A very uncomfortable silence. 

Now I had to face my demons even though I was absolutely not ready at all. I wanted to run away, I wanted to hide behind work or any of my comfort zones. 

But I needed to make things right with Vanny. She was my priority and I had to make sure she knew that. 

"How have you been Vanny?" Was the lame question I could ask. 

She looked like she was expecting me to say something else, but she also looked like she knew that was all I would say in the moment. 

"Not so good Damon," she said. She was never one to beat around the bush with me. "These last few days have been terrible but I'm gradually picking the pieces up."

"Why? what's wrong?" I asked.

She looked at me for what seemed like forever then put her head in between her hands and sighed.

"I don't know Damon, I'm so confused," she said. 

"What's going on with you? Why couldn't no one reach you for days now, don't you know I was seriously worried!" I exclaimed.

"I wouldn't know Damon, for all I know you were probably having a blast with your drop dead gorgeous fiancee!" she yelled. 

"Why would you say something like that?! I asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" She retorted. "Who comes home after so long and forgets to tell his best friend that he's engaged, tell me who does that?!" She asked. 

No one I guess apart from me, The one and only Damon Philips. 

I could see she was trying to hold her tears, she was very emotional right now and I knew I hurt her bad…. I just didn't know how much.

"I guess I don't mean anything to you, maybe that's why you didn't even think to tell me," she said.

"Of course you mean everything to me, you are my world!" 

"Well I don't think so," she said. 

"But that's the truth," I told her.

"Then why couldn't you tell me you were engaged? Why keep it a secret from me? Why let me…." She trailed off but never finished that question. 

"It's not what you think Vanessa," I said.

"Then what is it?!" She asked. 

She was looking straight at me and I found myself at a crossroad. She looks so fragile and open. She had always been open. 

Here was my chance to tell her about the pregnancy, about my feelings, to share my heart with her. 

This was the time to scream my love for her and hope she never leaves me. This was my chance to let her know that she was the only one I wanted, the only one I ever needed. 

I had to let her know that all the girls I surrounded myself with were just excuses to not feel the pain I felt because I could not have her. 

This was my chance! 

Everything stood still at that moment, even time. The whole place was quiet and it seemed like the universe was impatiently waiting for me to say it all already. 

I wanted to pour out my heart to her. I wanted to let her know that I was hers only and she could do whatever she pleased with my love. 

I wanted to say in plain words "I love you, I have always loved you!"...... But i couldn't. 

I don't know why but those words could not leave my lips. My heart was screaming for release but my mind had control over my body, and my mind made sure I didn't say what I really wanted to say. 

So instead I chose the simpler truth.

"I called off the engagement Vanessa," I told her, "I Just could not go through with it."

Immediately I said those words, she looked straight at me, and I looked back at her, but I had absolutely no clue what was going on in her mind at that moment.