is it really over?

Chapter 4

Vanessa's POV

The drive back to my little apartment was a complete blur. I was in a state of disarray and I couldn't run to anyone for comfort… That was Damon's job… to comfort me whenever I was down, but now he's most probably in the warm embrace of another woman, completely oblivious to the massive heartbreak I was dying of.

When I got back I discovered that my apartment looked as terrible as I felt, how wonderful!

I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep away my sorrows, but who was I kidding?! In my current state, sleep was the last thing I could do.

Just then my phone rang, I checked the screen… just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse behold it was Peter calling.

I contemplated not picking up the call, to let it go to voicemail and forget about it, but then I would be punishing him and he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve any of this, he didn't deserve me.

"Hey babe," I said, after I finally decided to pick up the call.

"Hi Vanessa, how are you doing?" Peter asked.

"Just splendid!" I lied.

Well I couldn't tell him I was completely heartbroken because I just saw my best friend with a woman. But even I could tell that my answer didn't sound genuine with the obvious sarcasm dripping from it.

"How about you?" I asked and I meant it.

"Not so good…. We need to talk, Vanessa," he replied.

Well nothing ever ends well with "we need to talk" that's for sure, but we did need to talk.

"Okay," I agreed, "how about we meet at that coffee shop down my street, the one we always go to," I suggested. 

"Sure, see you in 20 minutes," he said.

"Alright, later,"

"Yeah, bye," he replied, and ended the call.

I was not entirely sure what he wanted to talk about but I had a clue. I dreaded this talk as much as he did. I didn't want to lose him but I couldn't hold onto him any longer. 

I've grown so used to him with time and he gradually became an important part of my life. 

But what would he think of me now if he knew I was in love with my best friend who was currently engaged to a beauty! He'll probably have a big laugh for sure.

One thing I know is that life can be so cruel sometimes and right now it has all its fangs out for me.

I quickly went to shower and put on a decent dress, I didn't want to look like how terrible I felt…  at least not while meeting Peter.

The coffee shop was not far from my apartment so I had enough time to check out my looks in the mirror. I put my hair up into a neat bun and went out just like that.

At this point I realized that I have always looked prim and proper whenever I was with Peter. Our relationship was very strange even though we didn't say it out loud. 

It was like we were both scared to rock the boat else we would sink so fast we wouldn't even know how. We were both holding on so tight to an impossible love that could never be.

I knew I was the problem, but I couldn't help it. Even now that I knew I had no hope with Damon I still couldn't bring myself to loving him the way he wanted. 

I got to the location before he did and found a quiet place in the corner of the shop for us. 

I knew I would arrive here before he did, firstly because the shop was closer to my apartment and secondly because I had this habit of arriving at meetings earlier than planned.

Everyone knew about this habit and Damon even always joked about it. He thought it was cute though so I didn't mind…. 

At that moment I heard the Bell on the door ring and saw Peter coming in, I signaled for him to come over so he didn't spend ages searching for me. 

He sat down and I could tell that he didn't look so good. He was wearing a white T shirt and blue jeans, classic Peter. He never over dressed but you could hardly find him in shorts either. I have never seen him in a suit and tie too, even for our first dinner date he wore casual clothes.

Looking at him I could actually see a lot of resemblance between him and Damon… the same brown hair, average muscular build, even the same brown eyes. 

Peter was also tall, but not as Damon… but why was I comparing Peter to Damon?! 

He wasn't the one who was engaged! He wasn't the one who went away just to come back with another woman! He wasn't the one I was in love with!

He was too good for me and I hope he had finally realized that. 

"Hi, you don't look so good," I told him. I was really concerned about him though.

"I don't feel good either, I think it might be the flu or something," he replied, but I suspected he was lying. 

I moved a little trying to place the back of my hand on his forehead to check if he was hot but he shifted backward so fast I almost fell flat on my face.

""What are you doing?!" He snapped. 

"Trying to check your temperature?" I said, more like a question because at that point I wasn't even sure what I was doing.

"Please don't, I'm fine," he objected.

Well that settles it, something was definitely wrong. Peter was acting very cold and that was very unlike him. He was a teddy bear, the kind of person that will tell you sorry even when you hit him hard. 

"Okay, I'm starving! Let's order something," I admitted. 

"I'm alright, but you can order if you want, this won't take long," he stated.

He was definitely acting weird. Peter loved food, especially breakfast. He was the one that made this place our special place because he could not get enough of their coffee and doughnuts. 

Infact, he discovered this place before I did even though it was closer to my apartment than his. He had never said no to breakfast here before so this definitely was a first.

"Well I guess I can wait then," I told him, trying to be reasonable. 

"You don't have to starve yourself because of me, it's not like you've ever done anything just for me," he retorted.

"What's going on Peter?!" I shot back. 

Okay he better spit it out and stop acting so terrible. If he was going to break up with me then he should at least do it nicely, not make up a scene and tarnish any good memory we ever had.

"Do you love me Vanessa?" He asked, looking straight into my eyes.

I went quiet. I wasn't really expecting that question from him and I was completely taken aback. 

We have never said "I love you" to each other…. Okay scratch that… he had told me he loved me… But I never said it back, I couldn't say it back, not when I knew that it would be a complete lie. 

I felt so terrible looking at him at that moment. I could see that he was trying to cling onto something, anything, a sign to show that this relationship might work. 

If I could just say yes I knew he would ignore everything and try to make us work. If only I could just lie right now and not totally break his heart. 

He had hope in his eyes, like my every word right now determined what we would be in a few seconds. 

I felt overwhelmed! I wanted to lie to him just so I could keep him by my side always, especially now when I equally felt heart broken and betrayed. If only he could see how much I was hurting inside he wouldn't ask me this question.

But I was being selfish. I could not continue to lie to him and to lie to myself too. Even if I had no future with Damon now, I also knew that I never had any with Peter. 

I just couldn't love him. I really did hate Damon right now! He had no idea what he was doing to me! 

"No Peter, I don't," I finally admitted, and a tear dropped from my eye.

He looked crushed, I could not imagine how he felt hearing those words. He didn't say anything for a while, I guess he was trying to process it all. 

Then he raised his finger to my face and wiped away my tears.

"It's okay dear, I know you tried, at least we gave it our best right?" He asked.

I nodded, I did try, and I could tell he wanted to confirm that he wanted to leave knowing that I wasn't just a selfish woman. 

"Is it really over?" I asked, a dumb question I know but still I wanted to be sure.

"Yes." He stated, gently holding my face.

"Just so you know I did love you," he added, "take care Vanessa." 

With that he stood up, got out of the little coffee shop and left my life.

It all felt so unreal, but I was alone in a coffee shop crying my eyes out and I could not even tell if the tears were for Peter or for Damon. 

I was a total mess.