Chapter 5

TANNER

   I froze at the door when I entered the room. Hell, she looks sick. Really sick. 

   I walked closer to her and placed the back of my hand on her forehead. "Fuck." I muttered. It really burns.

   What will I do now? I can't just stay here. If I do, I'll start thinking of the past. And if I think about the past, I'm gonna lose it. I need to have some beer. I need to get drunk.

  Eight bottles will be too small for me. I'll have at least fifty bottles. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to think at all. Taking care of her means being sober and being sober is a nightmare.

  She's not my problem, I said to myself as I dropped the things I bought and faced the door. My legs won't move.

  I need to leave. But...her sickness is making me stay. I stayed with the little baby sleeping beside the fragile girl and my legs won't move at all.

"Just one night." I finally groaned to myself. "One night and I'll be out of here. For now, I need to take care of her." I said begrudgingly.

I can't help glaring at the sick girl. Then, I remembered when she was awake.

  All I saw in her eyes was pain. She's really sick. I'll just stay and nurse her for only one night." I said to myself and walked closer to her.

Hours into the night, as I sponged off her sweat and her burning body with cold water, anger held me rigid. 

Her whole body was all bruised up. The parts I can see. Someone has beaten this girl up really badly. My eyes clasped at the fresh bruise caused by a ring and my eyes darkened.

Who would beat up a young girl that just get birth?

Not my problem, I reminded myself. I need to bury myself deep into the bottles again. I can't afford to start thinking again.

I quickly sponged off the sweat on her body and made a move to get up.

"No! Please!" She suddenly cried out.

I turned and stared at her, but her eyes were squeezed shut. She's having a nightmare.

"Dale...! Dale...please...!" She screamed again. 

I just watched her, unable to help her. She just reminded me of something I never want to remember again in my life. I fisted my hands and stared at the girl as she fought her demons, crying and screaming.

Minutes later, she finally settled back to sleep. I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Just tonight. Then, I'm gone." I said to myself as I turned and headed for the next room.

 JASAMINA

It was a beautiful morning. The sun shone brightly and the harmattan breeze blew harshly. I woke up to the cries of my baby and I was a little shocked to realize I didn't feel a lot of pain. Unlike last night.

   I was feeling a little better. Last night was hell for me. The past few weeks have been hell for me. I can't believe I fainted and I can't believe I'm feeling okay this morning. What happened?

Just then, a door opened and the drunkard came out in fresh clothes. I still can't make out his features very well because of the overgrown beard, but at least he's cleaner now.

   "What. . .what . . .happened how come I'm feeling better?" I spoke out loud in shock and surprise.

 "How come I'm better than last night?" I asked myself bringing Jaimie closer to me. He woke me up from my slumber because he was hungry.

I made a move to reach for his bottle, but then I felt the wetness of my breast. Breast milk!

 "You're awake." The drunkard said to me. He hadn't slept here? I thought he did. Oh! He slept in the other room so I could have my privacy.

 "Yes, I am. Good morning." I greeted him hesitantly. 

"Good morning. How was your night?" He finally answered after what seemed like forever.

"It was bad. . . I mean, it was great." I said correcting myself, surprisingly it's true. I don't feel so much pain anymore.

"What do you mean? Of course, I know it wasn't great. You were sick last night. You had a very bad fever and I took care of you." He stated that it's something he doesn't like to remember.

"Who beat you up like a punching bag?" He asked suddenly.

The question was so unexpected, I paused in the middle of releasing my breast from its confinement. I bit my lips, hard. I don't want to answer it.

"You know what, forget I asked." He said at last.

Relief bit through me. I stared at him out of the corner of my eyes.

Then, he sighed. "I hope you're feeling better now, unlike last night?"

I nodded. "Thanks a lot for taking care of me. fainted. Thank you for everything." I whispered.

"You're welcome. So how's the baby?" He asked staring at Jaimie as I breastfed him.

   I felt so shy to breastfeed my baby in front of a stranger. Self-consciously, I flipped my long hair to cover a bit of my plump breast.

Then, I almost laughed at the gesture. He's a man that took care of me last night. Also, I'll still have to pay him for his kindness. I shouldn't be self-conscious.

 "Jaimie is okay. Thanks again for nursing me. If not, I wouldn't have been able to produce milk. I've been feeding him with baby formulas for a while now." I said looking at him shyly and still a little bit scared. 

Men make me scared these days, even though I try not to be. But after living with a man like Dale, it's not surprising at all.

"That's good to hear." He replied.

I finally mustered up the courage to speak about the obvious reward I know he was expecting.

"Um. . . To repay you, you can have my body." I whispered to the drunkard. I quickly put Jaimie who fell asleep after I breastfed him. I laid him on the bed.

  "I know my body is not much but it's all I have for payment. I'll forever be grateful for the way you help us out. You're free to do anything you want with my body." I whispered, my voice trembling. 

Dread filled me and bile rose in me at the intimacy I was inviting. But I was ready to carry it out to the end. After everything Dale did to me, this is little payment for the help the drunkard rendered me.

He seemed genuinely surprised this time around. He stared at my face for a few minutes, then he spoke up.

 "Umm, listen. You don't have to pay me for anything I've done for you. I did them because I wanted to. Okay? You don't need to give me your body all because of it." He said quite slowly and gently. 

I think he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I sat there really baffled and confused. Men don't just do things for free. It's as simple as that. The world just doesn't work that way.

This drunkard is really confusing me. My face said so.

"I mean it, lady." He groaned.

What he called me reminded me that I don't even know his name. 

"Please what's your name?" I asked him at last. He has helped me a lot and I don't even know his name... 

He shrugged, "You don't need to know. We won't be seeing each other again anyway."