7. HELLO DARKNESS

I thought he would come back, I prayed for him to come back, begged with all I had in me for him to come back but he never did. He left me alone to die in my pain, with it burying me whole. It buried me so deep I got paralyzed. I could not move, I could barely blink, my body just quivering in pain with it so pale.

And it was in that dark night that it happened. I felt it as it happened. My eyes closed, a prayer said out in the air with my heart slowing down until everything went black.

Nothing but darkness, my body swirling all around it as it sipped into me. Was I dead? I thought I was but it did not feel like I was dead. Time went on, knowing the days were passing as I swirled in darkness. It was as if I was alive but dead at the same time. I could feel what was happening all around my body yet I could not interact with the living. My body just lay there, still, not even sure if I was breathing. A man kept coming, questioning what was wrong with me. I would guess he was the pack doctor. He tried to feed me different things until he gave up.

My body was wrapped in a sheet and put aside as the bed was taken out with another placed, clean sheets on it. I was bathed by a few females that cursed me right to my face, telling me to die for I was a freak. They laughed and wished nothing but bad luck for me. One even came and put a pillow over my face, the darkness swirling all over me faster and that was the day I found out I was not breathing and that my heart was beating so low, barely alive.

They were certain I was dead and were just waiting for the king to come back and tell them what to do.

They stopped coming at some point, my door shut with everyone told to respect the dead.

Time went away, fighting with all I had to get out. I needed to get out. I was not ready die but something held me down on the bed. I pushed my body to move but it never did, stuck in my own body to die there. Even the tears did not fall.

Everyone was right, I was dead.

Was it how it felt like to be dead, was it how it felt like to depart from the world? How painful it was, hearing and feeling everything yet trapped in your body and buried alive. It was the fate that was waiting for me. How cruel could this world be, who had I wronged in the world to deserve such a fate. My heart broke a thousand times as I gave up. I let the darkness take me away as I drifted into it.

Everything went black with nothing heard or felt until my body shot up with a gasp pulling from me.

The air was sucked in, coughing over and over again as the pain hit hard.

My eyes flushed open only for me to shut them closed. They hurt so bad, as if someone was just washing them with a rough cloth. My hands came to my hair, running through it with a sigh pulling from me. Beads of sweat covered my forehead, my body aching so bad it was too much. My body fell back in the bed, trying to open my eyes again but they hurt even worse.

I turned upside down on the white sheets letting sleep take me away.

I woke up and went back to sleep a couple of times.

The day passed along with the night and when morning came, I felt better.

My feet swung over the bed, my bladder full needing to be relieved. My eyes flung open; the pain gone but the left eye itchy. I sighed, my body numb. I had felt so much pain I could not feel it anymore. My feet were cold, my whole body cold as I went to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet to pee. I wiped then decided to hop in the shower, I felt dirty. I got in, washed my hair first, face then body. I stopped in the process, my heart drumming as my hand came up, bringing the loose hair hanging before my eyes.

I frowned, seeing white strands of hair before me. I gasped, pulling more of my hair seeing more white hair. What was happening?

 I jumped out of the shower, wet feet patting the ground, slipping now and again. My hands were on the floor to break the fall with another gasp pulling out of me as tears filled my eyes. I stood up straight, my hands brought to my face. I could not believe it. I rubbed on my fingers, trying to remove the stains but they never left. They were part of my skin. I shook hard, rushing to the mirror only to gasp.

My fingers, all ten of them were black, everything black as if I just dipped them in black oil. My nails, everything was black. I could not believe it.

My hair had white strands all over my left side. One side was pure black and then the left side of my head had white hair mixed with black strands but the white was dominating. I could take all that, all that was not what had me faint just for that second. All that was not bad compared to my eyes. My right eye was completely black. I could not understand. It only happened when I was mad but it was just black no matter how many times I blinked over and over again. My left eye seemed to be grey, I could see some white dulling the black in it. I held onto the sink, the room swirling all around until I felt my body float in the air. I expected to touch ground but I never did. I could not even faint right.

My eyes shot open; my body suspended in air. I was totally losing my mind, I was going insane.

I pushed my body up, pacing back and forth to slowly slide down the wall to cry hard. I cried until I could no longer cry anymore. What would I do, what was happening to me? I already endured so much torture just because I did not have a wolf and smelled different. My eyes and fingers would just be a beacon for me. They would call me all sorts of names.

I felt weak and sick to my stomach and I hated everything about me.

I don’t know how long I sat there but I knew I could not sit there forever. I had to stand up. I cleaned the bathroom then walked out to my room.

What would I even wear?

My eyes wondered about seeing another black door on the right side of the bed. I walked to it and pulled it open, seeing nothing but clothes. There were a lot of clothes, sections of it with islands in the middle with different things that some girls used to highlight their faces.

I walked in slowly, my heart too sore to wonder at all the beauty.

My feet carried me in, a tear dropping with my body moving as if a wave of water. I felt as if I was walking on air, just oblivious to everything. I sat down in one of the islands in front of the mirror. I stared at myself, my eyes large and filled with darkness. It was unnatural even for me but I could not change it. I was different and there was nothing I could do about it.

A brush was picked up, brushing my hair back slowly while staring at it. It was long, thick and shiny with the black so black it was unholy while the white so white, shinning on its own. I had never seen something so white nor something so black. I combed it back until my skull hurt not even one strand breaking out.

I tucked it behind my ears, my face left there for me to stare. My face was heart shaped, my jaw sticking out a bit with not even a single spot on my skin. My skin was a bit pale, paler than normal with it as smooth as it had always been. It was just the perfect contrast to my eyes, and long lases. Even my lashes were turning white on the left eye. I sucked a breath, my black finger brought before my eyes. The rest of the hand was pale but the fingers themselves were black. It was wicked, it was ungodly. I shook my head, scared of what I was but I was what I was. My neck turned, wanting to see if I had the mark of my mate. It was there yet as everything else it was black and white. There was a large circle. My fingers brushed on it, feeling the four teeth punchers and in the center of them was the crown showing that I was mated to the alpha king. Touching it had a shiver run down my body, my hand falling away as I blinked the feelings away.

I was not a child anymore. I had no one to protect me and all I had was myself. It was not going to be easy, the only happiness I could get was that I make myself. My mate did not care, he left me not caring if I died or not. Just thinking about it sent my heart in an explosion of pain that left me shaking. I had to accept pain, make pain my friend, I would take it in and let it turn me stronger. If a freak was what they all saw, if evil was all they thought when they saw me then so be it.

My eyes flickered, staring at the different shades of lip stainers. I picked one that had my heart drum. I brought it to me to open the lid. My finger went in, dipping it and brought the stainer to my lips to paint them black. I wished I could paint the whole world black, wished I could just scream and paint it all black.

My head tipped, staring at myself in the mirror embracing who I was, who I have always been and just been running away from.

My body picked up, head held high. My fingers ran through the clothes only to stop, my eyes falling on the red dress. It was so beautiful, drawing and wicked. My back would be bare, the top of it a high neck.

I pulled it out, unclipping the tag to throw it away. The dress was unzipped, pulling it down my head, shimmering it on my body as it hugged me as if my second skin. It was zipped up, it fitting me so well. I walked on, stopping in front of a pair of black heel pumps. I slipped them on, complete and needing nothing else.

I took one look at the mirror and turned around to walk out of there. I quickly made the bed then when done sat on it. My heart was beating because I was not sure I could do it. I was not sure I could be the person I had to be yet I could not stay in that room forever. I would be a queen soon so I had to act like one, I was a Luna as of then and I wanted to do justice to the role.

If kindness did not work for everyone then I would be as wicked as the woman who raised me.

Raven was dead, someone stronger, braver and more dangerous had taken over.