CHAPTER 2: ELSA

I've been sitting in a corner of the gas station where the sun shone less, waiting for two hours now but Oliver still hasn't come. He said the gas station downtown was where we would meet when everyone left for the day.

The plan was that he would be waiting for me here and not the other way around. I mean, he knows how much my anxiety spikes up when I'm stressed. 

He isn't answering my calls either. The good news is that his phone isn't switched off so maybe he's on his way and just got a bit delayed.

Yes. That must be it.

I have no reason not to trust him. He was even the one who came up with this idea. He wouldn't leave me behind. Absolutely not.

But when another hour passes and the sun's rays begin to cast on me in my hiding corner, I'm hit with a fresh wave of disappointment. I don't believe my words of assurance anymore because they sound vague even to my ears.

I have an hour left until it's 4 p.m. before my family comes back from wherever it is they usually go on Thursdays. If I don't have lunch prepared before my stepfather walks into the house, I'm going to have hell to pay for. 

My back tingles as if it knows what awaits it if I don't rush back home now. It's still sore from the whipping I received two nights ago. I use the last money on me to flag a cab back to the house. When I'm at the gate, I rush through the compound, straight into the house, and to my room to dump my flannel bag containing my dresses into my wardrobe.

Next, I pick my torn piece of cloth from the bin and begin wrapping it tightly around my C cup-sized breast to make it a few sizes smaller. Stepping into the shapewear I own, I zip it up and put on my dress again. 

Hiding the size of my breasts and wide hips was something I started doing when I turned 17 and noticed how I was becoming too shapely for my age. While a few complimented me, some of the other kids would throw snarky comments my way each time they saw me. Lisa was their ring leader. It got so bad that I became extremely insecure about my own skin.

I told Mom about what was going on at school but she added fuel to fire when she told me I was ‘a bit fat’ and made me go on a strict diet at 17. It was horrible. 

When it didn't work, she started buying dresses two times larger than my size. I thought she made a mistake with the measurements so I had the dresses amended. The very next day, she scolded me for ruining the dress and bought more replacements. That's all I wear now.

Wearing bras only seemed to mold my breasts together, making them bigger so I started caging them in with torn pieces of clothes, coupled with my shape wears that are all two sizes smaller. Sometimes it gets difficult to breathe in them but they do the trick just fine.

Having already covered up my body, I race into the kitchen to prepare a quick pasta meal. I know mom will complain about how too much carb makes one fat while looking at me but I don't care at this point. I'm barely even hungry. I'm still finding it difficult to understand why Oliver didn't keep to his words. If something happened, he should have texted me at least.

I'm having a hard time containing my tears. Right now, Oliver and I should be at the airport waiting to board our flight. I tried calling him again on my way back home but this time, it went straight to voicemail.

Just as I'm turning off the stove, I hear the front door open and Lisa's voice fills the sitting room. A familiar laugh follows and I'm a hundred percent sure it doesn't belong to stepfather.

“Elsa, honey.” Mom enters the kitchen. “We have a visitor who will be joining us for lunch.” That's all she says before she disappears into the sitting room again. 

I hear the scraping of the chairs against the tiled floor as they all settle into the dining room for their meal. With a sigh, I grab an extra plate for the visitor and load up five plates with pasta. Picking up two plates for my stepfather and mom first, I exit the kitchen to serve them but I freeze midway when I see Oliver sitting beside my stepsister, Lisa. 

Is this the visitor? Oliver? 

What is going on?

My heart drums so loudly in my ears that when Oliver turns to meet my eyes, I wonder if he hears it too. He smirks at me and turns back to Lisa as he laughs at something she's just said. A joke perhaps. 

“Welcome home, everyone. Lunch is ready.”

“About time. We're hungry.” My stepfather responds gruffly. He's the only one who speaks. Mom is on her phone while Lisa and Oliver are busy discussing something. I can't tear my eyes off them.

I serve my parents and speed walk back to the kitchen to grab the other two plates. As I serve Lisa first and then Oliver, I try to catch his eyes but he doesn't look at me. How in God's name does he know Lisa? From how cozy they seem, I can tell they've known each other for quite some time now. Did he tell Lisa about our plan to elope? 

Oh God, I hope not. 

But a girl can only hope.

“What are you doing here? This wasn't the plan.” I whisper to him and wish more than anything that Lisa can't hear me. Oliver turns to me, smirking.

“Oh, just keeping an eye on you, Elsa. Making sure you don't do anything foolish.” I don't miss the way he drags the word “foolish”. Is that really what he thinks about me? 

I don't know what's happening but this is too much. I turn to head back to the kitchen when Lisa stops me.

“Elsa, why don't you have lunch with us today.” The expression on her face says she's up to no good and my stomach drops. I never eat at the table.

“It's fine. I'm not hungry.” I turn again to leave but she stops me for the second time.

“Oh come on! It's your birthday today. Let's have lunch as a family.” 

We've never done that before. Maybe, in the first two years I started living here but after that, when the abuse started, I was told to always eat in the kitchen or my room or not at all since I was ‘fat’ and it was an eyesore to look at me. My stepfather made the rule much to Lisa's joy.

“Oh, honey. Happy birthday. Come and join us.” My mom says over her glass of water. Unlike the others, she has never been one to consume anything alcohol. My stepfather consumes enough for both of them.

Seeing that there's no other way to avoid this situation, I grab my plate and join them on the table. But my insides are in too much of a mess to have an appetite. Oliver isn't avoiding my gaze anymore, in fact, he and Lisa throw snippy looks my way which makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

What has Oliver done? I could cry right now. 

“Aren't you going to eat?” Lisa asks a bit too loudly, drawing our parent's attention from their conversation. 

I shake my head. “I said I wasn't hungry.”

“Why honey? I mean I know you shouldn't be eating carbs at all but no one's stopping you today. Are you okay?” My mom asks. I wish she would just shut up. 

“Yeah, Elsa. Are you okay?” Lisa raises a perfect eyebrow at me in mockery. Then she begins laughing. “Why don't you tell Mom and Dad where you went this afternoon.” 

She pulls out her phone just as my stepfather asks, “Where did you go too?” 

“Here Dad.” Lisa hands him her phone and he scrolls twice before his head shoots up to me. 

“You were going to run away?” He growls and Mom gasps. “And what? What were you hoping to achieve from that? Start a new life with your sister's boyfriend?”

“Start a new life?” Lisa sneers, pointing at me. “Like anyone would want to run away with her.”

Every other thing she says after that, drowns out as I try to piece her words together. 

Oli? Her boyfriend? I've seen her boyfriend before and it definitely wasn't Oliver. But still, how can I explain what's going on right now? My Oliver betrayed me? 

I always wondered how he got access into the house. Each time I asked him, he would say that he came in through the basement window or that the door was slightly ajar when he got here. I believed him. I mean, why wouldn't I? I've never had a reason to doubt him. 

Not until now. 

Had Lisa always let him in? Or it could also be that he was always in the house from the onset with Lisa but I never knew because when I'm not out there tending to their needs, I'm usually always in my room.

“I... I just wanted to... escape... this…” 

“Escape?” Mom finally finds her voice. “You ungrateful girl. After all we've done for you. And you want to leave us?” She sounds disappointed and I don't know why. I know she's never really cared about me. Not since my father's death.

“It's not like that! You don't understand…”

“Oh, we understand perfectly, Elsa. You're just a little ingrate, trying to escape your responsibilities here at home.” Lisa says, interrupting me.

“I just wanted to be happy.” I can't recognize my voice anymore. 

“Happiness doesn't come from running away from your problems, Elsa. It comes from facing them head-on.” My Mom says. Doesn't she know she's the sole reason I want to be far away from here? If she had my back from the onset, no one would treat me the way they did.

“She's just a dreamer, always has been. I didn't think she'd go that far.” Oliver isn't talking that loudly, but I can hear his snippy comment anyway. Lisa laughs. “She was always so easy to manipulate. Pathetic, really.”

My heart lays on the floor, shattered, as everything unfolds. 

Oliver was… what? Babysitting me for his girlfriend for four whole years. Does Lisa even know that her boyfriend took my virginity? 

I have never been hurt like the way I am now. It's all too much. I push my chair back and pick up my plate to leave. I don't spare anyone a glance as I run into the kitchen and then to my room to cry my eyes out. 

Their mean comments follow me until I shut myself in, pushing every other sound out. Where do I go from here? Is this how I'm going to live until I die? 

The one true love I thought had found me was fake all along. Oliver used me like what we had didn't mean anything. Apparently, it didn't.

I remain in my room crying and wallowing in self-pity. I cry for the life I thought was waiting for me out there. But most of all, I cry for the love I thought I had found with Oliver.