Claustrophobic. A morbid fear of being confined in a closed space. Your breath gets stuck in the throat and the crazy spinning of your head doesn't stop. You feel that the walls are closing upon you and there is no air to breathe no matter how much you try to breathe in. The puffing of your chest increases as an invisible hand chokes your neck. The heavyweight all over your body crumbles you down. The pain in your head which was initially like a small needle pierces your head into two splits. The gruesome nauseous feeling in your stomach buries itself there, six inches deep. The endless screams which come out of the lips don't stop but keep on ringing in your ears, and you wonder why no one can hear you. The black spots in your vision make you blind, and the only thing you feel is pain and panic. You are not dead.  You wish you were. Maybe that was what exactly I was feeling when I closed myself in my room, trying to run away from th

It hurts so much to feel hurt. The slow thudding of her heart threatened to stop forever, while the unshed tears got clogged up where it shouldn't. It felt like a big hole has been punched through her chest, while breathing became impossibly difficult. She wanted to do so many things and by things, she meant possible ways to hurt herself so that the pain she felt inside could be subdued by the pain outside. A million thoughts raced through her head and a million feelings coursed through her blood, making her delirious. Nothing felt right, not even breathing. No matter how much she tried to hold herself together, she always seemed to fall apart like the water slipping through fisted hands. She screamed, she shouted, yet her lips were sealed shut. The darkness around her and the unending agony in her heart blurred her vision until she fell and fell into the bottomless depths of nothingness. ******* My ears

The dark sky gurgled a huge clash of thunder, while the angry clouds seethed and drowned the whole world in its rage fuelled stream of downpour. There was no ground, only the muddy substitute, which threatened to swallow in anything that steps on it. I wondered how the thorny, leafless trees were holding themselves upright through this damnation. Strong gusts of wind blew all over the surface of the earth and swayed the thorns and spiky bushes as if they were possessed by something evil.  This was hell incarnate. Another clash of thunder raged throughout the sky and deafened my ears. The blue sundress I was wearing was torn and tattered, with my skin sporting uncountable scars. The wrathful rain blurred my vision to nothingness as I gasped for the very existence of my life. My raven hair was pitch dark with tiny droplets of water falling off from the ends. I stood there, watching those droplets, while my mind tried to decode this impossible puzzle. How d

"Lizzie! Lizzie where are you?" The adrenaline coursing through my veins was making me more hysteric than usual. I wanted to find her. I needed to find her. The drawers in the kitchen were haphazardly opened and I took the chance to pick out the sharpest knife I could find. "Lizzie! Where are you? I know you are here. Come on out." My cautious footsteps made the wooden floorboard creak painfully as my eyes darted from one side to the other. Trying to catch any movement. I went to the living room only to find the burnt ashes in the fireplace and an ignored mug of coffee which has been left cold and untouched for what seems like a long time. I stroked the curtain away from the window and tried to look for any signs of life outside but the slowly drifting snow falling on the heaps of unkempt bushes was the only movement visible in the full moon night. The house was awfully quiet and the tension around was so intense that I was unable to f

The ragged and torn curtain swayed a little from the soft whisper of cold wind that caressed the broken nook and corners of the ruins of a home it once was. It's just bricks and walls now. Nothing left but the ghost of a reminder accompanied by the shreds and tears of scars. I never thought that the dead monsters of my past will return in such manner and leave me hanging off the edge. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't want to feel. Shock? Life has given me enough experience to deal with that I don't feel surprised any more. I think you get used to it and its tortures. A time comes after that when you feel nothing but the cold and lonely chill of numbness. Betrayed? Yes maybe I should be feeling betrayed by Liza but I can't blame her either because it's all my fault. Liza had this envelope with her when she left. She told me everything will be fine and when she'll return we will have one of our food parties again but this time she said she will cook. I didn't understand wh