I pad into the kitchen around one am, unable to sleep tonight and clammy with it. It’s unusually hot, and even with aircon, I am stifling.Elisa went home hours ago after hiding in my room all day and avoiding Dane and Tyler. She has no courage to face whatever it was he wanted to say. Luckily my mom came home around noon to work, which meant the boys made no attempts to come near us. Dane had the sense to keep his head down around her, especially with a face that looks like he has gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson.I don’t bother turning on the lights, seeing as we have nighttime downlights over the counters casting a subtle glow, and I quickly get myself some milk and heat it in a pan on the stove. It takes a minute, and I decant it into a mug before clearing up my minimal mess.I always feel like an intruder in my own home when I come down here after dark. I have no idea why and it makes me unusually quiet while going about my business and then tiptoeing to leave the kitchen with my

I am still so pissed about what Dane asked of me in the middle of the night. Banging around the kitchen while I make myself a snack, mid-study day at home, and I’m getting angrier the more I think about it.Who does that?Admits to having feelings for the person you know has feelings for you, but drawing a line and a no-date ban while asking them to never date anyone at all so they can handle their emotions. He has some nerve. That’s next-level rejection right there.If he hadn’t thrown Charmaine in my face so blatantly, rubbed it in, and used her, I might have been more open to us agreeing to a dry dating spell. Seeing no one while we respectively took care of our own emotions, but he offered nothing in comparison. He didn’t even mention it at all. Now I’m raging at the fact that he obviously intends to still date after all of that, and it’s just me who isn’t allowed.He is such a selfish and self-obsessed jerk.Do my feelings hold so little value?And who even does that to a girl? U

I stare into the tree-lined edge of our property as I balance on the swing I have perched my ass on. I’m not swaying but focused on the sunny parts in the distance even though I am in the concealed shade to get some thinking time. It’s been here as long as I can remember and used to be the spot Dane and I would come to when we had something to say to one another. Secluded and pretty, with no direct view from our house. Not that it’s why I am here today. I just needed head space and have no idea where he is. My mood is weird, and coming home from the few days I spent with Elisa to do schoolwork before we go back on Monday didn’t help me focus.I sigh and rest my temple against the cold chain to my left, tucking one leg under me and leaving the other to dangle while I pick at the cuff of my sweater. Lost in a nothing trance of not thinking but feeling deflated and depressed with a foggy mind. I had a lot of time the last few days to mull my entire life over, and I am so done with this

“I’m tired.” I sigh and slump down into my seat in English class. Our first lesson on the first day back from break, but my usual energy for school is absent. It feels like I haven’t slept in days. I don’t want to be here for once, and I have a growing dread and subtle anxiety about seeing Jordan and his friends again. It's been quiet for a few days, but I know it will be awkward when he arrives.“You spent the last two days of the break at the animal shelter working like a slave and then still staying up to cram in extra study time. You need to take more downtime, Koala. It’s not good for you to occupy your waking hours with constant work.” Elisa pats me on the shoulder before sliding out her books and pencil case, and I stretch my arms up over my head, yawning and trying to loosen my stiff body. Closing my eyes to savor the exquisite sensation of relaxing all my muscles.“You sound like my mom…. I know, okay. It’s hard to relax when downtime gives you too much thinking space.” I kno

“I’ll see you in biology, don’t be late.” I remind Elisa as we part ways at the break bell. Walking out of our shared economics class and see Tyler hovering near the hallway as he waits for her. He seems nervous and is shifting from one foot to the other and throws me a half smile as we lock gazes. I frown, give him the ‘you better not fuck this up’ glare, and quickly remove it before Elisa turns to me.“What should I say to him?” Elisa flashes me a panicked, wide-eyed look. She is already second-guessing agreeing to see him, and I pat her head as though she’s the cutest puppy. She wouldn’t be her if she were not crippled by anxiety at every point in life.“Nothing. The whole point is he has something to say, and even if you stand and stare like a mute, that’s fine. Don’t cave to him. Listen, nod, and leave… let him suffer. He was the one acting like a moron, not you.” I urge her onwards with a little push to her butt and watch her cautiously walk towards him at a snail's pace. She ke