"I need to be on birth control," I murmur and he nods, pulling his fingers out of me.His spell broken by my statement, he pulls his fingers from me and cups more water in his hand. He washes me properly this time, using the water to clean everything away.Knock. Knock. I startle, gripping Seth's forearm. We never closed the door..."Come in," he calls, still maneuvering his hands between my legs with gentle precision.Come in? My heart leaps into my throat. Although the glass is heavily fogged, hiding me from view, I thrust my body against Seth's. The door we never closed opens with a squeak."Seth, when you're ready," Darryl's voice rings throughout the bathroom, sounding anything but jovial."We'll be down in a minute," he calls back, smoothing his hands down my spine to my backside.Darryl closes the door and I pull away, moving under the stream."I can't go down there," I tell him, pushing my palms over my scalp, moving my hair into the middle of my back. "What if he heard us?"Se

"Will you let me take care of you before you go?" Seth asks, somewhere in the bedroom.I nod as I lie on the bed, staring up at the ceiling through swollen eyes and puffy cheeks. I see Dad's face. I see our faces together. Every memory I have of him plays out in vivid color and it chews me up. He was too young, too full of life. Working with Seth, Dad finally had everything he wanted. He was living his dream, and it was taken away in the blink of an eye. How could the universe be so cruel? How could God let it happen?The sound of the shower cascading across tiles floods the bedroom as Seth prepares it for me. When he returns, he scoops me up again, as if my legs don't work, or the floor is lava. He brings me into the bathroom, and I squint under the bright lights.Placing me down by the shower entry, he grips the hem of my dress and tugs the baby pink fabric up over my head. He folds it and sets it nicely on the basin behind me. I watch him bleary-eyed as he curls his fingers around t

We pull up outside my parents' home and I cast my gaze over the property. It looks exactly as it did when I left Portland and I don't know why that surprises me. I don't know why I expected it to be any different. The glow of the sitting room light filters through the cracks in the curtains and I suck air deep into my lungs. Mom's awake.Dad's truck sits in the drive and sticks me like a knife in the heart. I glance at Selena who's looking at it too. She clears her throat, casting her attention to the road."Should I come with?"I nod, not wanting to be left alone with the tornado of emotion undoubtedly waiting for me on the other side of the front door. "Yeah, come with me."We exit the car and make our way to the front porch, Selena dragging my suitcase behind us. My palms grow clammy with every step, my heart racing. What's waiting for me inside? I grab Selena's hand and thread my fingers through hers. She wraps her arm across her body and holds the inside of my elbow. I lean on her

After the funeral, Mom invites over as many people as she can fit into her home for refreshments. They come in droves and I'm too tired to entertain, but I do it anyway. I accept condolences and hugs with grace and enthusiasm and I mingle with relatives I haven't seen since I was a child, relatives who live on the other side of the country. I keep Seth in my peripheral the whole time, wanting nothing more than to be spending this time with him since he flew all this way on the eve of his championship match. I want his touch, his comfort, and maybe that's selfish, but after the day I've had...I just want to be coddled. Chase keeps Seth out of my reach and insists on interrogating him under the guise of friendly conversation. I've tried to save him, but I can barely move a foot before I'm swept up by someone else. I wonder if Seth thinks I'm avoiding him, or can he feel my aura pining for his? Can he feel every cell in my being pushing against my skin, willing me in his direction? I hop

I startle, sitting upright on the couch as the T.V. changes from the live stream loading screen to the emerald exterior of Las Vegas's MGM Grand. "Shhhh!" I shush Chase mid-story about some girl he met when he was stationed in Afghanistan by clamping my palm over his face and pushing him away. I've already heard the story twice. He's in love with her but doesn't know it. "It's starting!" On the screen, cars zip by, and people flood the streets, milling about like ants. "It's an eight-man fighting format," the commentator says as the camera phases into the arena. "The winner receives one hundred thousand dollars, a professional contract with the MMAC, and the title of Amateur Champion."They continue to discuss the layout of the championship and I tune it out. I'm too distracted by the grandiosity of it all as the camera pans over tens of thousands of roaring people, seated around the cage, ready for the fight. "It's a big deal, isn't it?" Chase muses between chomps of buttered popc