It was a long quiet ride home. My dad drove Ann’s car behind us, we hadn’t told him anything. I was still thinking of a way to tell Ash, imagining all his reactions to the news but one thing I knew for sure was he wouldn’t like it, not one bit.I stood at the door, gathering as much courage as I possibly could to walk through it. Ann and Maria stood next to me quietly waiting for me to move. I was left with little option but to enter the house when my dad opened the big metal doors wide.“Lee! I’ve been so worried!” Ash was frantic. I barely made it through the door before he picked me up. I quickly put my folded arms between us to keep my baby bump from touching him.“You worry too much.” I was happy he wasn’t looking at me directly. I wouldn’t have been able to bear having his loving eyes on me.“Are you okay?” He placed me down and stared at me. I dropped my eyes and looked at the

I’d spent two weeks in the AA room crying my heart out. When I had no more tears to shed, I counted all the bottles mounted on the walls. When I was done with that I counted the tiles, and then the raindrops that hit the window. Eating and drinking became a second necessity for me; the lives inside me didn’t even matter. Every time I heard footsteps outside the door, or the phone ring or the door open I thought it was Ash. But when I checked and it wasn’t him. It made me sink deeper into my depression.Jane had called a couple of times to ask why I wasn’t at school but Ann came up with a number of excuses. I wasn’t going to go anywhere until Ash came back. The guys debated on breaking the wall but my sisters wouldn’t have it they said I needed time. Billy also wasn’t going to risk losing all that liquor just to get me out. Joe was mostly worried about my health and that of the twins. I was starving myself in the process starving them.

I felt heat on my face. I blinked my eyes open to see what it was. The sun was right above me, shining robustly on me. I turned to my side so that I could stand up easily. Considering all the abilities I have, you’d think pregnancy would be as easy as the alphabets. I walked into the water, taking pleasure in the warm water against my feet. People were already filling the place up. I looked at my watch to see what time it was. Twelve in the afternoon, I’d been asleep for a while.I opened up Ash’s shirt to let some of the cool breeze in as I walked to my car. I knew everyone would be worried but it didn’t matter to me. I had enjoyed a peaceful, quiet night alone, and they weren’t going to destroy that.My phone was ringing inside the car. I got in and looked at it, deliberating on whether or not to answer. Before I could decide it stopped ringing, and then it went off, the battery must have died. I took my pocketknife out of the glove compartment and wedged the GPS screen out and then

For the next few days my dad and I tiptoed around each other. He was still feeling guilty for rubbing my disappointment in Ash in my face and for leaving me alone to bleed out on my bed.I was glad my babies didn’t die but I was mad that they abandoned me. I wasn’t up to discussing it or hearing the excuses but that didn’t stop him from trying to convince me not to move out. He thought I was going to shut him out of my life, like I was slowly doing with Ash.The aftermath of the pain left me battered like a town after a hurricane or an earthquake or even a tsunami. Dave was even more adamant about me staying because of it. I was weaker, thinner and felt sicker as the pregnancy and the venom progressed in my body. But I wouldn’t budge, I had made my decision and I was sticking to it. I wanted a new start not away from my family, but far enough to keep my children safe. It was either that or I give them away.Giving my children up for adopt

“I’ll come with you. Ann bring a bottle upstairs, I think I need that drink too.” Maria took my arm and helped me upstairs.We sat on my bed and talked about everything and anything except for what happened hours ago. Ann and Maria were on their second bottle of wine, trying hard not to fall asleep. They were determined to stay awake with me, but they kept dozing off in the middle of a sentence then they would wake up with a start and continue where they left off. The amusement of the two clowns alone kept me awake. Drinking did make people look and sound stupid.When they finally gave in and passed out in my bed, I was left with the thoughts of the attack and how much in danger my children were. It was no longer about my sisters or me, we were old enough to make our choices and we’d made them. I was ready to spend my life with Ash but that was never going to happen, my sisters, depending on how much they were willing to take of this life and de