It was boredom that made me leave the comfort of my room in a short dress and leather jacket with sneakers and come all the way to Block 24 where the party was happening.
I made it my sole mission to avoid Bilen and anything that resembled Orion tonight. I came to this party to while away time and try to meet new people. I needed someone who was a child of woe like me to keep me company but truth be told, I don't care about anyone's feelings because it was irrelevant.
The party was crowded already and people were wasted. I pushed through the sweaty bodies in annoyance and pushed my way above the spiral stairs, trying to find something sadistic to keep me going for the night.
Nothing seemed interesting and it all came pouring down on me like poisonous vines that sucked the strength out of whatever it got entwined with. I inhaled and exhaled at once since nothing seemed to amuse me in this party. I don't even get the fuss about it and according to the grapevine, this was tagged as the loudest, craziest party in the block, but it was too shallow and trashy.
"Sorry," I threw an apology the moment I opened a bathroom door and found a blonde guy sitting on the counter doing coke.
"Hey, hey," the boy called out as I was about to shut the door and walk away. He flashed what looked like a smile, but I could tell that he was off his face beat up by the drug. "You can come join me if you want an escape from the party."
Accepting his invitation with disgust, I stepped into the bathroom that was blinding with its white tiles and clean environment. I went over to the bathtub that was as dry as the back of a coconut and sat in it.
There was a deafening silence between us and no one said or heard anything except the noise from the loud music playing downstairs.
"You are Zamani, right?" Blondie questioned, taking a sniff of his substance, his gaze fixed on me.
I nodded, bringing out a lighter from my leather jacket. I didn't mind if he was going to watch me burn myself. I might do the same to him if he would allow me or I might just use force. "How do you know me?"
Blondie shrugged, as he jumped down from the counter. "I take art class with you. I'm Monty."
I chuckled. "I don't need to introduce myself. You already know me." I sparked the lighter when I felt the conversation was over and placed it on my inner thigh. I let out a gasp as the fire touched my skin and ignored Blondie's presence in the bathroom.
"You are a masochist?" Monty's voice snapped me out from the zone I had entered. My creature growled in annoyance as I met Monty's amused stare. "You are not doing it quite right if you truly want to reach your max."
"What do you mean?" I was getting offended by what he was insinuating.
Monty came closer to me and perched on the edge of the bathtub. He collected the lighter from me and sparked it as the flame rose. He placed his palm above the fire and allowed it burn for a minute. He shook his head and I took it as a sign that it had no effect on him.
Monty grinned sardonically. "Pain is like sex. You keep going at it until you reach your climax. During sex, you accept every feeling at every thrust and it is just like pain too, you embrace the hurt." He dug his pocket and brought out a pocket knife. My heart skipped a beat, as a feeling cascaded through me. I might have found my soulmate. "Allow me."
My eyes grew wide when he moved closer to me and his hands moved over to my thighs that I was burning before. I kept my eyes on him and watched in silence as he sliced my thigh a little. I let out a wince, trying to disregard the blood that flowed.
"Take," Monty lit the lighter and handed it to me. "Try it again."
I placed the fire on the open wound on my thigh and immediately, my head was up above the clouds. This was a new feeling and it made my heart jump in euphoria. A smile made its way to my face and I let out a gasp, staring at Monty.
I was tempted to kiss him while hurting myself, but I don't do things like that and since he knew me and what I liked, there was a strong urge to just end him here once and for all.
A loud scream found its way up here and the music stopped at once. I was painfully dragged out my trance the fourth time today and it pained me to the core.
"What's happening?" I heard a chatter outside the door.
"Looks like someone fell."
"Oh my God. Who could that be?"
"I'm so scared right now."
I looked at Monty in oblivion as he helped me up, and wiped the blood that was starting to drip from beneath my thighs. Looked like he tore me up pretty bad. I walked out of the bathroom and the moment I got downstairs, everywhere was completely chaotic and in disarray and people were just colliding with one another.
"Someone fell from the balcony."
"I think he's dead. There's blood everywhere."
"They've called the cops already and an ambulance is on its way."
The voices around me were too much and I just wanted to see for myself, the pool of blood and maybe, swim in it for I took delight in other people's anguish.
As soon as I got to where people were gathered and fought my way inside, for the first time in my life my heart completely shattered and a loud, piercing scream escaped my lungs when I saw who was lying dead on the floor.
My heart kept on pounding against my ribcage like a crazy prisoner that wanted freedom. For the first time since I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, I have never felt real pain like what I was feeling. The agony of seeing Bilen on the floor, his arms spread out and one of his legs twisted in an unholy angle and his eyes wide open and devoid of life while thick crimson blood pooled beneath his head, made me so angry to the extent that tears began rolling my cheek.The metallic smell of the blood mixed with exhaust of cars filled my nostrils. Without thinking, I crashed down beside Bilen and cradled his head on my laps as tears streamed down my face. I blocked out the panic and shouts around me, while I begged Bilen to wake up and stop this unnecessary prank.I slapped his cheek with what little strength I had in me. I could not believe what was happening right now and it all felt like my fault. "Bilen, please wake up let's go home," I cried, cradling him as he star
I was empty, sad and upset. Everyone who knew Bilen were on black and my mind was as black as night because I tried so hard to feel fine, but there was a hole drilling in my mind and it needed to be filled with something, even if it costed me to raise hell and watch the world burn. Seeing my grandparents in turmoil unequivocally broke my heart because no matter how old they were, they loved Bilen more than anything in the world. I also loved my brother even though there are times I wanted to wipe his smile off. My head was heavy and throbbing like I have been hit by a thousand pounds linebacker and my heart was bleeding the color black like the exact color of dress I was wearing. I squeezed my eyes shut to try to send the thoughts that were gathered, away, but it proved abortive. I have never felt a great unrest like this before and I am stuck with a gnarly inkling that whoever murdered Bilen was closer to me, lurking in the shadows. Stepping into the church triggered a lot of emot
I was on my own, wallowing in an intensifying misery. If only I was bulletproofed and void of any emotions, I would be good. But I wasn’t. I had feelings. I was no Hawaiian porcelain doll or a robot, but then there are some robots that have feelings.Doing one thing over and over was making me sick and mentally dying of boredom. I failed to attend lectures because the last time I went to school, there was a shrine at the entrance of the faculty for Bilen Araya and it got me upset seeing the colorful hearts people drew for my brother, knowing it was all fake love.A knock at the main door caught my attention and I wondered who chose to disturb my peace this hot afternoon. Leaving what I was doing, I left my room and sauntered to the door. I did not bother to check who was at the other side.I swung the door open with annoyance and I was immediately taken aback when I saw who stood there with a police badge. "Miss Araya?" Monty stared at me in disbelief like he was surprised to see me.
Let go of the light and fall in to the dark side. In as much as I was a sociopath, I really wanted to feel. I wanted someone to love me and want me, however, that was a big dream that was so out of reach.For so long, I have basked in solitude and thrived in chaos, but I don't want that anymore. I wanted to feel the company of someone else now that Bilen was no longer here to counter me and keep my behavior in check. I missed my brother so much.Although Monty was my new found acquaintance, something told me he was trying his best to step back from me since he was the detective in charge of the case of Bilen's murder.The school atmosphere was not really conducive for me and the moment I finished lectures for the day, I found my way home in order to relax my mind. When I got to my front door, I searched for my key to unlock the door. However, my key wouldn't budge in the lock and it became unsettling.Grabbing the knob, and turning the key, there was no pressure in the door. I steppe
I could not believe what was happening to me.The fire that I loved so much was burning me dangerously, scorching my skin with its flames and I was screaming in agony as each spark seared my flesh. I did not know where I was or what was happening, all I knew was that this wasn't my happy place.I was in hell.I continued screaming as the fire seared my flesh. I was burning and no matter how loud I cried, there was no one around who could come to my rescue. My whole self was disappearing into the flames and for the first time, I was over powered by fear."Zamani!"I grabbed my sheets tightly with my fists when I heard my name echo in the furnace. Maybe someone was here to help me."Zamani!!"There was a loud bang somewhere. I instantly felt the cold touch of my savior pulling me out of the fire. A loud gasp escaped my mouth as soon as I opened my eyes with force and was met with Orion staring down at me with concern in his eyes."Zamani, are you okay?" He questioned, caressing my face.
"There is something wrong with you, Zamani. It is obvious. I can see it and I see the way you try so hard to find relief in pain.""You don't see me, Orion." The tears I have been holding back threatened to spill and there was no absolute way I will cry in the presence of Orion.He moved closer to me and lifted my chin up. "I see you, Zamani.""No." I whipped my head away from him, as tears began streaming down my face. "You don't know me."He turned my face towards him as he leaned closer and began kissing my tears. My heart fluttered, as a kaleidoscope of butterflies swirled in my stomach. "I see you, Zamani and I want you even though you don't want me."I fell into his warm embrace as I broke into a train of sobs. "I don't want to live with my grandparents."Orion held me closer to him, not wanting to let go of me and my creature squealed in excitement. "I know, Zamani. It is just for the meantime. Once you get better, I'll make sure to come whisk you away."Orion was filled with l
The car pulled into the long driveway of my grandparents mansion. And I instantly felt a sense of dread."Your grandparents are big shot, huh?" Orion questioned as he turned off the ignition of the car.I sighed and darted my eyes around the compound that was stationed with bodyguards. "It is just show off. Don't read meaning into it."Orion unlocked the car and we stepped out, my luggage in his custody. We approached the front door and my heart started to race when the guard at the door bowed down to me. I felt a slight tremor in my legs."What is with the ceremonial people hanging around the house?" Orion asked.I shook my head, not wanting to spew family secrets to a stranger, however, Orion was family. "When you see my grandmother, who's your best friend, you can ask her.""Are you always sarcastic?" He sneered and I chuckled."Welcome home, Young mistress. Mama Araya has been waiting for you," the guard at the door greeted.There was no familiarity in him whatsoever, so it was sa
To say I was losing my grip was a very big understatement. I mean, have you ever gone through a psych evaluation before where all your answers point to you being a nut-job?I fixed my burning gaze on Dr. Dawit as he kept on assessing my medical file. It's been three years since I left rehab and I don't know why my grandmother and this doctor decided to open old wound. I am totally fine and no one wants to agree with me.Dr. Dawit shifted his gaze from my file and looked up at me, a smile growing on his face. “Zamani, I want you to know that this is a safe space and anything you tell me is between us.”A scoff unknowingly slipped out of my mouth. “So no telling my grandmother anything?”Dr. Dawit nodded. “Client confidentiality. I want you to trust me in order for me to help you.”“Then you must think I'm crazy,” I retorted. I was not having any of this. I only agreed to do this so that my grandmother and Orion would roll off my back. I owe no one sanity.Dr. Dawit shook his head, a sm