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27: When The Party's Over 1
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MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 1: The Ecstasy of pain
I sucked in a breath the moment the lighter grazed my skin. A shiver ran down my spine, making the hairs on my body stand in attention. This was a painful pleasure that I will never get over, or have enough.A malevolent smile crept up on my face, as the fire burned deeply into my flesh. I wanted to feel the tingle of the flame and there was no way that sensation was missed. It sent me to cloud number nine and I never wanted to come down. The fire on my skin gave me a kind of deviled high that I could not get from drugs.Throwing my head back to lean against my door, I exhaled. No one could understand what I was feeling right now and if only people were not shallow minded, insanity wouldn't be a word in the dictionary. The ecstasy of pain has never been fully experienced before, it is a feeling which taste bittersweet and it is addictive like a drug that encapsulates reality into fiction with its realness. I have felt it and it has continued to fuel my insides with the illusion of my
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 2: Someone Like Me
It was boredom that made me leave the comfort of my room in a short dress and leather jacket with sneakers and come all the way to Block 24 where the party was happening. I made it my sole mission to avoid Bilen and anything that resembled Orion tonight. I came to this party to while away time and try to meet new people. I needed someone who was a child of woe like me to keep me company but truth be told, I don't care about anyone's feelings because it was irrelevant.The party was crowded already and people were wasted. I pushed through the sweaty bodies in annoyance and pushed my way above the spiral stairs, trying to find something sadistic to keep me going for the night. Nothing seemed interesting and it all came pouring down on me like poisonous vines that sucked the strength out of whatever it got entwined with. I inhaled and exhaled at once since nothing seemed to amuse me in this party. I don't even get the fuss about it and according to the grapevine, this was tagged as the
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 3: A Pain in my heart
My heart kept on pounding against my ribcage like a crazy prisoner that wanted freedom. For the first time since I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, I have never felt real pain like what I was feeling. The agony of seeing Bilen on the floor, his arms spread out and one of his legs twisted in an unholy angle and his eyes wide open and devoid of life while thick crimson blood pooled beneath his head, made me so angry to the extent that tears began rolling my cheek.The metallic smell of the blood mixed with exhaust of cars filled my nostrils. Without thinking, I crashed down beside Bilen and cradled his head on my laps as tears streamed down my face. I blocked out the panic and shouts around me, while I begged Bilen to wake up and stop this unnecessary prank.I slapped his cheek with what little strength I had in me. I could not believe what was happening right now and it all felt like my fault. "Bilen, please wake up let's go home," I cried, cradling him as he star
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 4: Time in memorium
I was empty, sad and upset. Everyone who knew Bilen were on black and my mind was as black as night because I tried so hard to feel fine, but there was a hole drilling in my mind and it needed to be filled with something, even if it costed me to raise hell and watch the world burn. Seeing my grandparents in turmoil unequivocally broke my heart because no matter how old they were, they loved Bilen more than anything in the world. I also loved my brother even though there are times I wanted to wipe his smile off. My head was heavy and throbbing like I have been hit by a thousand pounds linebacker and my heart was bleeding the color black like the exact color of dress I was wearing. I squeezed my eyes shut to try to send the thoughts that were gathered, away, but it proved abortive. I have never felt a great unrest like this before and I am stuck with a gnarly inkling that whoever murdered Bilen was closer to me, lurking in the shadows. Stepping into the church triggered a lot of emot
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 5: Wayfaring stranger
I was on my own, wallowing in an intensifying misery. If only I was bulletproofed and void of any emotions, I would be good. But I wasn’t. I had feelings. I was no Hawaiian porcelain doll or a robot, but then there are some robots that have feelings.Doing one thing over and over was making me sick and mentally dying of boredom. I failed to attend lectures because the last time I went to school, there was a shrine at the entrance of the faculty for Bilen Araya and it got me upset seeing the colorful hearts people drew for my brother, knowing it was all fake love.A knock at the main door caught my attention and I wondered who chose to disturb my peace this hot afternoon. Leaving what I was doing, I left my room and sauntered to the door. I did not bother to check who was at the other side.I swung the door open with annoyance and I was immediately taken aback when I saw who stood there with a police badge. "Miss Araya?" Monty stared at me in disbelief like he was surprised to see me.
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 6: Disenchantment
Let go of the light and fall in to the dark side. In as much as I was a sociopath, I really wanted to feel. I wanted someone to love me and want me, however, that was a big dream that was so out of reach.For so long, I have basked in solitude and thrived in chaos, but I don't want that anymore. I wanted to feel the company of someone else now that Bilen was no longer here to counter me and keep my behavior in check. I missed my brother so much.Although Monty was my new found acquaintance, something told me he was trying his best to step back from me since he was the detective in charge of the case of Bilen's murder.The school atmosphere was not really conducive for me and the moment I finished lectures for the day, I found my way home in order to relax my mind. When I got to my front door, I searched for my key to unlock the door. However, my key wouldn't budge in the lock and it became unsettling.Grabbing the knob, and turning the key, there was no pressure in the door. I steppe
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 7: I Like Me Better 1
I could not believe what was happening to me.The fire that I loved so much was burning me dangerously, scorching my skin with its flames and I was screaming in agony as each spark seared my flesh. I did not know where I was or what was happening, all I knew was that this wasn't my happy place.I was in hell.I continued screaming as the fire seared my flesh. I was burning and no matter how loud I cried, there was no one around who could come to my rescue. My whole self was disappearing into the flames and for the first time, I was over powered by fear."Zamani!"I grabbed my sheets tightly with my fists when I heard my name echo in the furnace. Maybe someone was here to help me."Zamani!!"There was a loud bang somewhere. I instantly felt the cold touch of my savior pulling me out of the fire. A loud gasp escaped my mouth as soon as I opened my eyes with force and was met with Orion staring down at me with concern in his eyes."Zamani, are you okay?" He questioned, caressing my face.
MASOCHIST: Bury A Friend 8: I Like Me Better 2
"There is something wrong with you, Zamani. It is obvious. I can see it and I see the way you try so hard to find relief in pain.""You don't see me, Orion." The tears I have been holding back threatened to spill and there was no absolute way I will cry in the presence of Orion.He moved closer to me and lifted my chin up. "I see you, Zamani.""No." I whipped my head away from him, as tears began streaming down my face. "You don't know me."He turned my face towards him as he leaned closer and began kissing my tears. My heart fluttered, as a kaleidoscope of butterflies swirled in my stomach. "I see you, Zamani and I want you even though you don't want me."I fell into his warm embrace as I broke into a train of sobs. "I don't want to live with my grandparents."Orion held me closer to him, not wanting to let go of me and my creature squealed in excitement. "I know, Zamani. It is just for the meantime. Once you get better, I'll make sure to come whisk you away."Orion was filled with l
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