3: Dawn

He contacted me again 4 days later, strangely it was the longest 4 days of my life. Because I had the impression that my life was at a turning point where I no longer knew what to do and that I was waiting for things. A sign, an explanation.....

I wanted to know why I was still alive.

And what did that mean for me going forward?

It seems that dying traumatized me a lot more than I thought.

So it was a relief for me when I finally received the notification that I had a message.

The first in 1 year.

It was short and to the point.

This evening. 9am.

These last 4 days, I had more or less tried to reconnect with the world and what was happening there.

I logged into my G****e account and everything synced.

And it was no surprise that I saw that those around me had not stopped living after the tragedy that struck my family.

But I was rather surprised to see that they hadn't forgotten me either.

Until today I was hashtagged and mentioned in quite a few publications. Whether it be for souvenir photos, thoughts of support, messages begging me to come back and all the usual emotional package in this kind of situation I suppose....

I was entitled to a whole media mobility of people who were part of my life so that I could come back from the hole into which I had sunk.

And for the first time in a long time, I blamed myself.

Deep down I know I couldn't come back. But I felt bad for my group of friends and the people in town who always supported me.....

But I know that for me it's just dead!

There is more hope.

I could never continue to live among them and like them.

I could never move forward and act as if I could make a clean slate of the past.

No. I was too resentful.

I was far too proud to do that.

I felt humiliated and...

Now there was a barrier between these city people and...me.

An insurmountable barrier.

It was that of misfortune.

As I had just opened my mailbox, my heart skipped a beat when I received the notification of an email and I also started to tremble when I saw the sender's name.

A month ago, Pao contacted me again.

Hi Lary!

Knowing you, I'm sure you'll read and ignore my message because you're mad at me. You are terribly angry with me.

It's been 1 year since I left, 1 year since I wrote to you as promised.

You're right when I left, I hid something from you and it's this something that has prevented me from getting back in touch with you all this time.

I'm sorry and no I haven't forgotten you. I haven't spent a minute without thinking about you Lary....I don't want you to doubt the fact that I love you despite the distance and my absence from the radar. I have a good reason and since it is possible that this will drag on for a long time then it will probably be better for me to talk to you about everything and it out loud.

I can't explain everything to you right away. ...but I'll send you a return ticket so you can come find me in Los Angeles for Christmas vacation this year and I promise to explain everything.

It's terribly complicated in my life at the moment, and I don't have a lot of time for myself.

Hello others for me and please reply to me within this week as I only have to log in where I am one week a month. Where then until next September.

I miss you Larry. And you'll never know how much. So even if you are angry, answer me...

-Pao. I had blown.

Suddenly I realized that I hadn't thought about it.

Did he know?

Did he know what happened to me? What I wanted to give him was stolen from me in the most horrible way?

Again there was another message that was 5 days old.

Hi,

Why are you not responding?

Not even an insult? Not even a requirement for an explanation?

Why are you fucking ignoring me!?

It worries me! you are worrying me! That’s not your type! and the worst thing is that where I am I only have to write to one person so I can't contact the others to find out what's going on!

I can't stand this silence Lary, it distracts me, it drives me crazy.

I have always hated silence and secrets between us and if we see each other in Los Angeles for Christmas like I asked you to, I will tell you everything and you will tell me everything too! so baby please answer. or at least confirm to me that we will see each other at Christmas?

Why is he coming into my life so suddenly?

His complicated life. ......yeah you're talking!

There was another one from yesterday.

Have you moved on to something else? That's it?

Did you find another one because I haven't contacted you in 1 year?

So you don't love me anymore Lary? Or are these your twisted ways of punishing me for leaving in order to hurt me and drive me crazy with worry and jealousy?

Well, you succeeded perfectly!

SO ENOUGH WITH YOUR FUCKING WHIM AND ANSWER ME!

When I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, it was at these moments that I realized the importance of the cam. Because thanks to the drug I had forgotten that I was madly and hopelessly in love, that the love of my life was there somewhere and knew nothing of what had happened to me and that I greatly dreaded the moment when he 'll learn because he will know one day.... That I was broken and humiliated and that this girl who pretended to be strong just became some kind of junkie trying to escape reality.

In this case, will he continue to love me? Will I still be Lary like before? Could I still be when I had completely forgotten about it?

Yes I had completely forgotten it, unconsciously my subconscious had rejected it because it knew that I could not cope with all these misfortunes which had followed one after the other in my life. The death of my grandparents and their departure which gave me the feeling that my world had collapsed without knowing that I was really going to taste the meaning of the collapse of my world.

Yes, thanks to the drug I had forgotten everything, I had stopped thinking and now everything came back to me like a dirty slap.

And I wanted to take refuge again and like a coward in cocaine because it avoided thinking too much.

It makes you I don't care.

-Pao. I sighed again, closing my eyes.

Because I understood that I wanted to continue to forget him.

It was better this way.

Without thinking I clicked on settings and deleted all my accounts. F******k, g****e, I***a, Twitter, music, YouTube. ....

With a simple click I eliminate all virtual relationships just as I had done on a real level days earlier.

After that?

I did not know,

I was always empty, always more alone, always more depressed......

But I didn't like being in debt to someone. ....

I was going to pay off this damn debt....

And maybe I'll end up dead in the ring one of these days?

After all, all that differentiates official boxing from illegal boxing is bloodiness and death.

                                                               🔶️🔶️🔶️🔶️🔶️

That evening, a slight knock on my window woke me up.

In any case, I was barely asleep when it took me no more than 5 minutes to put on a sweater to join Melz who was waiting for me in the backyard leaning against a tree, quietly sipping his joint.

When I reached him, he looked with a raised eyebrow at my irritated eyes and the trembling of my hands.

-How long have you not sniffed?

-Since my overdose.

He handed me his joint, which I tried to take as dignifiedly as possible and thus hide my desperate side.

-You can keep it.

His smirk and response proved that I failed.

He approached a big-wheeled, black Hummer and opened it.

-If you suddenly stop the drug it would do you more harm than good. Detox is progressive.

I whistled astonished that he is such a nice fund. Well anyway, illegality always brings in more than its opposite.....then my brain finally picked up what he was telling me. I react quickly.

-I didn't stop. I say defensively. I have more money or suppliers, that's all.

-But admit that the fact of having experienced death slowed you down a little. He changed the subject at the same time.

-Come on, get in! We have quite a few km to go.

I gave him a sideways glance but followed him and ended up getting in next to him, I had barely settled in when he took off like clockwork.

Again I glared at him.

No, but what a brute!

He left Sareel. I expected that. This city reeks of honesty and mutual aid.

The journey was made in silence filled by the radio which he turned on a few km later.

And I stood looking out the window at the nocturnal world of Idaho passing by at a pace mixing the colors of the streetlights, the signs still open or just the darkness.

In the end I think I dozed a little because there was a knock on the window where my head was resting and it was Melz who was signaling me to come down and hurry up.

What I did.

Looking around me, I realized that we were in a large disused Hangar with quite a few containers with peeling paint and most of the surfaces oxidized.

-Where are we? I ask sincerely intrigued.

Because at first glance, there doesn't seem to be a soul living around.

He didn't turn around but said to me sharply.

-It's none of your business. Now buckle up and follow me.

I felt more and more irritated by the way he behaved towards me and spoke to me.

Is it me or is he treating me like shit?

Then a voice in my consciousness, sly, whispers to me.

You're a piece of shit.

I shivered and since I didn't have gloves, I stuffed my fists in the large pockets of my sweet shirt. I gritted my teeth and followed him. From second to second, he became more and more unpleasant to me.

He walked down a maze of corridors among the labyrinthinely stored containers that I even started to worry if it was a good idea to follow him.

It's during a full moon night like this. ......

I immediately stopped thinking about that and focused on the route.

On my guard, I tell myself that I have always had a good memory and that I will surely be able to find my way.

Finally he stopped in front of a container, where muffled sounds reached my ears as well as other indeterminable ones.

Got it.

I raise my head to better see what was around me. And about ten warehouse containers - I guess - were arranged to form a complex and indistinguishable but very clever network.

Here it's a big space, not at first glance, but it really was a big space.

Melz gave me a strange look and knocked six times rhythmically.

It looks like a password.

At the same time the door opens and a pile of muscles, covered in tattoos, some more frightening than the others, appear to stare at us viciously.

Its appearance was so uncomfortable that I jumped back with a pounding heart.

Which he noticed and it made him smile.

After all, I only had 15 pins, soon to be 16 in 15 days.

And there, it was crystal clear.....this is the big leagues.

What a fucking mess I got myself into!!

But despite everything, I take it upon myself and stay wisely behind Melz.

But in reality I wanted to run away.

Behind this door is danger.

And I'm too young for that. ...well I think.

-Melz Why is there a 15 year old kid with you. For the pimping network it's on the other side.

I was surprised, being rather developed for a teenager, they tended to give me 2 years older than I was. It just surprised me that he came across my age directly.

Then I shudder listening to the rest.

-No styger, that's exactly where I am that I need to be, this kid as you say is almost 16 years old and is therefore the new member of my combat team.

He raised his eyebrows and turned his head towards me to assess me. Although a little afraid, I did not shy away from his gaze and positioned myself a little better so that he could examine me at ease.

He finally said.

-Indeed this kid does boxing. Not only that, MMA too and even kickboxing. he hisses in surprise. With her body I would say that she started around 4 years old and that she trains a lot. It looks like you were preparing for a military career..... Although it seems like you've been letting go a little lately because you're obviously taking drugs

I open my mouth, totally surprised that he can read me so clearly. ..

But how?...

-It's blocking your way, isn't it? Melz laughs next to me, nudging me. Styger was an FBI profiler, the best.

And now he's on the other side of justice.

This one sighed and shifted his immense body as a sign of capitulation.

-You've always had a nose for good specimens, although it's not your habit to recruit a kid.

-You saw it yourself. She's not a kid anymore. We all recognize that black veil in our eyes, a sign that we grew up too quickly and saw things we shouldn't have seen.

With that he grabbed my wrists and rushed with me into the dark corridor of the container, violently hitting a small door that we had to create with 7 rhythmic knocks this time.

The door opened immediately and a violent headache and the previously muffled sounds of music exploded in my ears.

When my eyes got used to the bright neon lights, the world of the night revealed itself to my eyes.

The all-night parties of the high school students at my high school were nothing compared to what was before my eyes.

The so-called room was crowded with people, it was dark and only the flashes of the spotlights gave so-called brightness to the place.

In the center of the room sat a huge ring, appearing more imposing under the aggressive spotlights which only accentuated the darkness of the rest of the room.

Around the ring which was, obviously, the centrifugal of this place, the configuration here was square and based on a two-story layout.

Downstairs there was the ring and tables and bar counters all over the room. There was no dance floor Strictly speaking, or the floor represented the entire ground floor because everywhere between the tables people were moving, rubbing and fucking like maniacs to the electro rhythm and driving music provided by the DJ install

on a concrete elevation which were located on one of the 3 balconies on the 1st floor overlooking the ring.

Unprecedented it was the place for VIPs. Seeing that up there were few people compared to downstairs and that a window replaced the right side of the container serving as a balcony and the same was true for the other 2.

I looked around to see that we could access it by an iron staircase, guarded by two large colossus as frightening as the one at the first door except that they were in costumes.

Lost in my assessment of the place, I bumped my hip against a girl's head. I went to turn around to apologize but I was shocked and at the same time fascinated by what was happening before my eyes. The girl, her eyes rolling back with pleasure, lasciviously lying on a table being licked by another while she sprinkled her vagina with vodka at the same time. The worst was when he touched his hand to the front of my pants with a suggestive smile which made me realize that I might as well be a cameo. ...

I'm only 15 DAMN years old!!

These things are not for me!

These things shouldn't be for me!

Yet I didn't say anything anyway, because I had chosen to come and it was known that the illegal world did not have the same rules as the life of citizens.

Visibly annoyed by the fact that I did not stay close to him, Melz unceremoniously pulled me out of my numb state and led me firmly towards one of the counters where there was a small crowd holding out their hands full of money towards one or other names which appeared on a huge painting nailed against the wall or should I say the sheet metal of one of the numerous containers allowing the creation of a place as isolated but nevertheless clever as the armistice.

This guy must really be an asshole to recruit a 15 year old kid into these illegal delusions. I said to myself, watching him unceremoniously push the others, angry at being ousted like this, who quickly calmed down when they recognized his vindictive figure.

A fantastic influence I would say.

-Telly, this is my new recruit. He said without preliminaries. I want you to give her a fighting record so she can compete in time for the Hundred Millennium Tournament.

The latter rolled his eyes and turned his back to his counter to respond to Melz.

-Good evening Melz! Yes I'm fine apart from a damn cold I caught 4 days ago.

-Telly. he growled.

-Damn cordiality you know? Then he turned to me to examine me with a doubtful expression.

-Uh.....that? He said, pointing at me without stopping staring at me.

The man named Telly was a lanky and very exterminated guy, his pink hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and his body was riddled with tattoos half covered by a khaki leather jacket.

The typical gay with eccentric looks.

-Yes this!

-If you ask my opinion...he starts by crossing his finger arm and holding the left one in the air with a pointed index finger as if to give more weight to his "Opinion"

-I didn't ask you Telly.

-I'll tell you anyway. He responds by clicking his tongue. That's a kid! And she's going to get killed!

-She's tougher than she looks.

-How come, seeing what surrounds her, she hasn't yet taken her legs? She's in love with you, right? Big deal.

-Damn Telly. You can't just do what I told you...

-Nah, Nan Nan! Unlike you, I have a conscience! Pretty sexy! But I have a conscience.

-I'll have it measured against the juniors anyway!

-But even the juniors are....

-Fuck take these damn bets and then you can talk to your boyfriend! Ended up getting angry with one of the guys behind the counter who was starting to get impatient and therefore approved by the others.

Telly turned around pretentiously and threw a punch at the person who interrupted him by shouting gracefully (which is quite confusing)

-Well, don't you see that we're discussing something important there, you dirty homophobe? Then to the others. If you can't wait, go place your bets elsewhere and leave me alone!

Then turned back to us, repeating (gracefully) his answer.

-Yes! I was saying..

My feet hurt and I felt the beginnings of sleep, I finally spoke.

-Is it today or tomorrow the moment when I will finally become VISIBLE in your eyes? Because frankly, I'm sick of you talking about me as if I wasn't there!

I turned to Telly and said:

-Great that you have a professional conscience but I'm not stupid or in love! I know this isn't my high school playground or an adrenaline boost. I'm not stupid and I have a debt! Which I must honor and that in this ring! Are the fighters from here strong? Well, me too! I'm 15 years old but I started combat sports at 5 years old.

. I had anger issues and spent the rest of those years focusing on dealing with it.

I stopped short of breath from my tirade.

-Don't worry about me. I am an athlete and I know my limits and that! I show the room. Don't be part of it.

I took two steps and looked into her eyes.

-Look at me. Frankly. And tell me if I look like a kid?

A moment of silence set in and even the people behind the counter were silent to listen to me in a solemn manner, I think I had had my little effect. I even saw the hint of a smile on Melz's face.

Finally, Telly slowly picks up her tablet, without taking her eyes off me, and asks me.

-What is your name ?

I knew what she meant and I also knew what to answer her.

-Suyakie. My name is Suyakie.

-Well Suyakie, welcome to the Hundred Millennium tournament.

Then turning to Melz.

-I should have guessed that Stygger wouldn't have let him in otherwise.

Then resuming his girly demeanor he said gesticulating.

-Now get off my counter! I have clients to serve and you are not one of them.

She pushed our backs so that we could clear the floor, Melz shook his head amused and complied.

Back in the center of the room, the sound of the music dropping and a man entering the ring and being cheered from all sides caught our attention.

-What is going on?

-You're going to see Suyakie. He mutinies.

With a microphone in his hand, the man spoke quickly to the audience.

-HELLO HELLO TO YOU POPULATION OF THE ARMISTICE! WE ARE INFERNALLY GATHERED AGAIN TONIGHT TO SATISFY OUR BLOOD DESIRE! OF VIOLENCE! AND GAME!

In any case, he seemed to enjoy the role of presenter.

-WHEN IT IS SOON MIDNIGHT WE WILL WELCOME A QUITE SPECIAL MEETING IN THIS RING WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN SEEN!

-A DEADLY FIGHT!

The screams of the crowd almost swallowed my voice when I turned to Melz in sincere surprise.

-A mortal fights? But...but...it is prohibited by the...

The mocking look makes me realize the absurdity of what I was going to say.

But still, it is. .....horrible That...No?

Melz must surely have noticed my pale appearance because he explains to me calmly.

-Despite everything, mortal combat is rarely fought, you know. As MG (the presenter) said, it’s a pretty special meeting. If this happens this way it is because both parties want it this way. And NOBODY forced them you understand. Until now they can forfeit.

-they will lose their honor and you know it. I decide sharply.

He shrugged his shoulders and turned back to MG

-He was challenged because he had been keeping a low profile for a while I guess, but no one knows why.

With a cynical laugh the presenter continued:

-Well, a week ago, right here! The champion of Death Night has come here! And to challenge Terion - the essential champion of RIP's who has won all the victories over the last 2 years - in a fight to the death. And he agreed to take on the challenge my friends! He laughed, this guy laughs when talking about a fight to the death.

-Games are made! Paris too! So Messieurs and ladies welcome MIDNIGHT from MN and TERION from RIP's.

When their name was called, each participant entered the ring to a standing ovation from the crowd. They each wore leather jackets with different designs on them. What intrigued me most was the way he devoted himself to the .....jacket.....it was just a jacket, right?

-No, it's not just a jacket. Melz answers me, I had to speak out loud. It's that of their motorcycle club. They are both bikers (I didn't know what that was), that is to say, passionate about motorcycles and a free and unconstrained life. But they belong to different clubs and which are more or less rivals. I guess that's why there was this challenge.

Once again we close the conversation to watch the ring. They were both equipped now. Except that they didn't wear the traditional gangs but rather the one we use for kikboxing.

-I thought we only did English boxing here.

-No in reality we accept all combat sports.

-Great! I grumble.

The opponents were already in position and the bell marking the start of the match could ring any minute.

-MAY THE BEST............LIVES!! Howl MG followed closely by the bell.

And the room exploded with shouts of ovation from the crowd.

At the first attack, I was caught by Melz who was heading towards the exit.

-But.....I want to see Moir! I whisper mistyly.

-You don't have to see that. He grumbled while quickly dragging me with him, he didn't even greet Stygger on the way out although he didn't really seem to be offended.

-It's not your type of fight and then you're shaking from head to toe and you have a bad face! You have your first fight in 3 weeks and I have to get you on your feet at least more or less and you have to train.

-But....

He stopped abruptly. So suddenly that I slammed into his back.

He turns around and puts a small bag in my hands.

-Hold! It's less strong than what you usually take but it will fill the gap. We never suddenly stop the cam! It's done gradually, we reduce it over the days until we stop taking it! Otherwise it's death!

Without even letting me say a word he walked around the car to get into the driver's seat.

-I'll take you home. You've seen enough for today. Tomorrow I'll pick you up at 8 a.m. to start your training.

But instead of going upstairs straight away I couldn't help but throw myself on the little bag and open it to sniff...realizing under his mocking gaze how much I was missing it.

But once again, this only proves that boxing......is my fucking catalyst.