Chapter 1

“Yo!” I shout as I enter the house and spot all of Zain’s roommates gathered in the kitchen. This place is seemed to always have something going on. Various “what’s ups” greet me as I walk in.

“What’s happening tonight?” I ask as I set my bag of goodies on the counter. Vodka, punch and pineapple juice where tonight’s choice of poison. It was a dangerous mix because you could not taste the alcohol which is why I like it. It is a fast fun drunk to keep my mind in a happy place.

“Karaoke in the living room!” replies Sarah as she walks over to give me a hug. “You went pink!” I say as I notice her once blonde hair is now streaked through with hot pink. “It really pops against that white dress!” She giggles as she embraces me. She has the best hugs. Probably because her chest is huge so it’s a soft, comforting squeeze. “I’m going to find Z.” I tell her before turning around and heading to his room.

Not many people have made it past the door, but it’s become a second home to me in the last months. A sanctuary to retreat to when everything becomes too much.  I use my knuckle to tap the door before opening it and walking in. Dark brown eyes meet mine and a grin spreads across his face. I see he has shaven his head again and I resist the urge to rub my hand on his smooth scalp as he wraps his arms around me. Leaning my head to the side to avoid the labra spike that shines against his dark skin, I inhale the scent of cloves and cologne.

“Hi Love, what’s up?”

“It’s been a day, I’m ready to party. Are we doing living room karaoke with the house, or finding a show?”

“Do you have a preference?”

“I’m down for either, but you know I love karaoke!”

“Let’s see how it goes.”

That was the nature of him. Let’s see how things go. No real plans, just where life takes us in the moment. It was a nice reprieve. Partners in the past, besides Ryan, needed everything planned out and in change caused a fit that usually ended up with us cancelling the entire thing altogether. My typically need to plan everything had gone out the window months ago. I didn’t have the energy to make decisions.

Of course, pre-gaming happened in his room. Lights off, music up and cups filled. Any number of pre-game activities could go down. There was dancing, rapping, singing, and making videos while we got to a state of mind where being around a bunch of people felt good instead of overwhelming. My grief and his PTSD made a great pairing.

Most people see Z as this out going, high energy guy. He is after a few drinks, but when it’s not a social event, we sit and talk or watch stupid stuff on the internet. No one knows him as well as they think they do. I know that while we share a lot, there are things he still hasn’t told me. He may never.

His phone dings and he types a quick response before looking up at me.

“What?” I can see that I am probably not going to like his response.