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Chapter 20: ELENA
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My Bully's Crush Chapter 21: RYDER
She looks good; she looks way better than she did in that hospital bed. And just the simple act of looking at her filled me with more peace and joy than I can remember. It was a bitch being this close and still not being able to approach her, but it was good enough for now. It will have to be. I watched her from afar and felt a smile in my heart when she threw her head back and laughed at something her friend said. She used to laugh like that with me, better even. Her laugh, like her cheeks, is one of those things I missed about her at night when I was lying alone beneath the stars, fighting to get the drugs out of my system and back to some semblance of humanity.If it wasn't for her, I'd have given up on the idea, especially in those first few days, which are always the hardest when going through detox. Add the psych shit to the mix, and it has been a different kind of hell. I just keep reminding myself that it's for her because, in all honesty, if it was just for me, I don't think
My Bully's Crush Chapter 22: ELENA
It can't be; there's no way. But I know what I saw. Or do I? Maybe I'm losing my mind again. Uh-uh, nope, I'm not going back down that rabbit hole of destruction again. I won't fill myself with doubts and what-ifs again because that shit takes forever to end. But what's the alternative? Should I believe what I saw or write it off as my mind playing tricks on me again?The way my heart was racing and my skin tingling, I was afraid I already knew the answer but was just too afraid to accept it because I didn't know what it meant. If I didn't accept what my eyes and heart had seen, then I'd have to make a trip back to the doctor and admit that I'd failed once again, and if I accepted, it'd just be opening a rusty can of rotten worms that I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with.Ryder? Here? How? Why? And why now? This is crazy. I barely made it through my last smile for the last fan without a complete meltdown or panic attack before making my excuses and heading into the ice cream shop.I was
My Bully's Crush Chapter 23: RYDER
She's going to pull a runner. I guess I should've expected something like this. Though the girl I knew wasn't one for running from anything, her behavior over the last five years had been quite different from the norm. I felt guilty that I was the cause of her giving up her vacation; in fact, I wasn't quite sure how to feel about her leaving after seeing me. But I also don't know what I'd expected.Yeah, I do; I expected her to run into my arms like some cheesy romcom movie, something I instinctively knew was not going to happen because, along with her sweetness, she had a stubborn streak a mile long that would not allow her to just give in to me at first sight.I'd built up the moment of our first meeting in my head for so long that I think I'd overlooked a few things, like the fact that real life hardly ever, if ever, follows the plans and ideas in my head. Still, the decision to follow her here was a compulsion I couldn't resist.I still have to work on my impulsiveness where she's
My Bully's Crush Chapter 24: RYDER
"It was a setup." I'd barely made it through the door after hours spent running around to get here, and this was mom's greeting."What're you talking about, mom? What was a setup?""This whole thing, everything. It was all a setup." Being here in front of her, I saw that the panic in her voice was nothing compared to the fear in her eyes.My mom has this habit of pacing back and forth, waving her arms around frantically when she's stressed. She was doing that now only at warped speed. For a minute, I almost thought she was on something, but this wasn't that look. I know what mom looks like high, and this wasn't it.She kept rambling about lies and conspiracies and blaming herself for believing the wrong people, and I still didn't know what she was talking about. I was too tired and, frankly, freaked out myself to have the patience she obviously needed."You're not making any sense, mom. Now stop pacing and tell me what the hell is going on .""Your marriage, your wife, her family, the
My Bully's Crush Chapter 25: ELENA
Well, what do you know, life does go on. A little change of scenery and a new and exciting project that takes up most, if not all, of your time, and well, you stop caring too much about what's being said. You'd think after weeks had gone by that the Ryder thing would've died down, but nope.It only seems to have opened up the proverbial can of worms all over again. To make matters worse, no one has seen hide nor hair of him since then, which has prompted everyone and their mother to stalk me around town as if expecting him to pop up any minute.Thankfully I've been too busy for all this nonsense. My agent seems to think I had acquired superpowers since my last breakdown because I find myself having to turn down offers left and right when there was hardly ever anything to choose from before. Granted, I was doing a pretty good rendition of a corpse back then, but still.Instead of griping about it, I decided to be thankful for all of it, but I'm still going to pick and choose what I want
My Bully's Crush Chapter 26: ELENA
"Sydney, come over; bring food and ice cream. I just returned today and haven't been downstairs to check the fridge, so I'm not sure what we have down there.""I'm on my way." I hung up and turned up Elastic Heart, which I'd had on repeat for the last half hour.Sydney turned up about an hour or so later, but I was caught up in working on the ditty that had popped into my head after reading some of the crap online and didn't really notice the time. We exchanged hugs and small talk about what we'd both been up to since we last met before getting down to business."I guess you saw.""I saw, but you know, I don't believe half of what these things say. Since I was away for so long and you were here, why don't you tell me what's really been going on.""Actually, it's pretty accurate since it all played out online. Though the original post was taken down, someone screenshotted and reposted it, and all hell broke loose.""Yeah, I was afraid of that. I was hoping it was another one of those th
My Bully's Crush Chapter 27: ELENA
Why was I so worried about doing this, and why did it take me so long? I had a blast. Well, except for the paparazzi that came out in droves. Tonight, they kinda reminded me of the hyenas that were after Mufasa's body. I tend to get a bit over dramatic when I'm pressed.True to his word, Evan was the perfect gentleman, and he seemed genuinely happy with my company. We laughed, we talked, we shared cute little stories, and by the end of it, I was wondering why I couldn't feel anything for him beyond the friendship I was willing to offer.He's such a nice guy, something of a rarity in this town, not to mention hot, but I couldn't even dredge up a tingle for the poor guy. It's like parts of me had gone numb, and others had stopped living altogether. But I did have fun, so much so that I reached for his hand to thank him as we left the establishment."Thanks, Evan, this was great; I had an awesome time." Of course, the cameras caught that moment, and I almost panicked when I saw the flash
My Bully's Crush Chapter 28: RYDER
She wants to write songs about goodbye; let's show her how that's gonna go down. And since she used music to get her message to me, there's no better way for me to do it than to answer her with a song. Only, I doubt she's going to like my answer.I picked up paper and pen and got to work, but I was too pissed off to see straight, let alone write anything of any substance. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the song right, and my frustration kept growing. I kept writing and rewriting it to get the words just right. It's been hours since I started, and I've spent that time vacillating between being happy that she still remembered our codes and being pissed that she was using it to tell me goodbye.I couldn't even enjoy the fact that she was talking to me, albeit through song, but at least she was acknowledging my existence. The girl hasn't spoken to me once in five years. And the two times she'd graced me with her presence in the same vicinity, she'd looked right through me.So,
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