My Bully's Crush

I grew up in a time when for me, the world was so innocent. My single mom, who had been a Jill of all trades, most things having to do with the stage and acting, had been my best friend and confidant. Well, as much as a seven-year-old needs one.She was the person I looked up to most in the world, so it was only natural, I guess, for me to get bitten by the acting bug after many hours spent tagging along by her side when the babysitter fell through. I was fascinated by the whole concept, and when I saw my first real TV show, with children like me and not the cartoon characters I knew so well from the only shows I was allowed to watch up until then, it just made sense for me to want to do that.Back then, mom had not pulled any punches; she'd done her best to warn me about the vigors of getting into that life, but not once did she ever try to deter me, especially once she realized that it was my dream. When I look back on it now, I don't know how she did it with the little bit she had.

I wonder what she's doing. It's only been a day since the interview, and there was no way for me to know how she was holding up since no one in her circle would even spit on me, let alone fill me in, but she'd looked bad, and it was worrying me.I gave up wondering a long time ago when I'd stop thinking of her and when I'd lose this feeling of missing a limb or something else just as important and necessary to my existence. That's after I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I'd done something horrible in a fit of anger and torn our lives apart.Something that I could never take back, something that I will regret for the rest of my life. That saying is really true, the one about not knowing what you've got until you've lost it, and my major fuck up had cost me big. I realized it almost immediately, but by then, it was too late. The deed was done for the whole world to see, and there was no turning back.I wanted to hurt her and ended up shredding my heart to pieces in the pro

"I can't believe you did all this in just a week and a half. This is unprecedented, and I'm so proud of you. You did good, chicklet." Sydney wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug. A hug that I didn't know I needed as much as I obviously did until now. It made the last few days of manic obsession so worth it. And the fast pace I'd put myself through had paid off from the sound of it.I had no reason to doubt her words as she's one of the best in the business, both as a singer and as a songwriter, so the real pleasure I saw in her face helped ease the knots in my stomach. I was still reeling from the fact that I'd done it all in ten days, more or less.I'd had to do some lying and fast-talking to find the time to do it on my own without interruption. In the mornings, I'd feign not wanting to get out of bed, allowing my family and Rachel to believe that I was still down from the outing on the day of the interview, something I'm not proud of.But I knew they wouldn't have given me a mom

She dropped a new song. How did I miss the fact that she was working again? I've been scouring the Internet ever since she came back to the city, and there was nothing. I had to hear about it from one of those hangers-on that my wife is so fond of. My wife, how the hell am I going to get by her?I'm sure they didn't think I heard their whispers through the voice-canceling headphones I had on, but lucky for me, I was in between playlists and overheard her name, which of course, made me stop in my tracks and listen.Fuck this! I grabbed a light jacket from the guest closet and rushed towards the stairs, too much in a hurry to walk. "Hey, Rye....""Don't call me that; I told you never to call me that." Now walk away before I smash your fucking face in.I used my anger and the shock she was in from the outburst to make my escape. It wasn't the first time I'd yelled at her, and there have been much worst episodes in the past, but it was the price she paid for getting what she wanted and tra

I let the water run down over me in the shower in the hopes that it would wash away whatever this was that I was feeling. It was the only place where I could be alone these days. Ever since that night that I'd rushed out of the house to go lick my wounds after listening to her song, Janie has been on my ass like stink on shit.Since I refused to answer her questions and she still had no idea where I'd gone or what I'd been doing, she's become even more neurotic than ever. I've been in hell ever since that night, vacillating between happiness, anger, relief, and uncertainty.I was proud of her, of course, though I had to keep it hidden. I must be the only human being on earth who wasn't allowed to show his true feelings one way or the other about her chart-topping song.I knew it was about me; how could I not? Everybody knew it was about me unless they lived under a rock. And even though she'd ripped me to shreds with her words, I can never forget the way it felt to see her again.She l