Chapter 35: ELENA

Ryder's back. I shouldn't feel this much relief that he was back safe, but there it is. I think I knew of his return even before the news broke; I felt it. I hadn't let on to anyone, including myself, just how worried I was about his disappearance or how often I'd looked at the photo of him in the crowd amidst my fans in the last few weeks. And yes, I've finally admitted to myself that I wrote and released that goodbye as a way to keep in touch with him in a small way.

Not that I expected him to reply or anything of the sort, but at the time, even with all my other excuses and reasons, I needed to do it for me. But it wasn't long after the release that I realized how futile the effort was and that my heart may never heal enough from the blow of losing him. Something I only found out afterward.

I thought I'd done a lot of healing and that I was ready to move on in some small way, but my own goodbye had proved me wrong. I'd gotten sidetracked with the whole rumor mill thing that was now