Chapter 44.1

Everyone was worried, everyone was calling me and I did not answer them all. They wanted to comfort me, but I don't want anybody come to closer to me. I don't want to show myself. I took my time for grieving. I took my time for accepting that I did not expect to happen. I failed. I did not make it. What other face can I present to them, knowing that they are rooting for me, and turns out I did not successfully make it.

Iyak lang ako nang iyak sa buong isang buwan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko ngayon at nakakapanghina ng loob, nakakapanghinayang. Dapat alam ko rin ang ganitong mga posibilidad na mangyayari, oo. Napaghandaan ko ito, pero lahat ng paghahanda kong 'yon kapag nangyari na ay sobrang sakit at ang hirap tanggapin.

Kapag nasa estado ka na pa lang nag-fail ka lalo na sa pangarap na inaasam mo ay parang tinutusuk-tusok 'yong puso mo, parang mapapata