You ever experienced that part where you lick ice cream and it melts down your fingers.Its the sweetest feeling but deep down you Know it is short lived because as soon as the ice is over, the feeling of ecstasy will be fine with it.
Well, let's call it that, we never went to clubs again. But we spent every day together. I rarely slept alone except on rare nights when he went out with friends.
And even when he did we would talk the whole night and he would call drunk saying he missed me.
I know you think it's a happy ending. No it is not. We never made anything official. We just clung to each other like our whole life depended on it.
And still, we never had sex again. All he did was hug me and cuddle on most of the time. And he would kiss my forehead goodnight.
It was my kind of perfect. Well perfect until. Perfect is overrated.
As usual
I dialled Elaine's phone several times and it just kept ringing. She was Mama's favorite child and she of all people shouldn't be off. The campus had just been closed down yesterday due to the covid 19 pandemic, when I was still mourning a relationship that never existed. I slapped myself in the head three times forcing my anxiety, distress and emotions to work together with me and solve the current issue. I could fix my broken heart alone but I can't fix Mama's illness so she can get well. I felt bad at myself remembering the earphones incident at the hospital when I couldn't hear her calling me. Dear God, just this once help mama get well, I prayed frantically.
" She's an angry child. Sometimes I try to understand her but it feels like I lost her long ago. She won't talk or show emotion. She won't even play with other kids and hides from them. Even after I came back she couldn't admit to loving me, her own mother. I don't know what really happened to her or changed her those few years when I was away." " Have you ever thought about seeking closure and talking to her, you know, about her childhood," her friend asked. " No, " " Maybe you should apologize for what you did and tell her the truth, because she could go down the same path." She was just a child, she can't remember, and I have changed, I'm making up for my mi
Everything breaks. Hearts break, promises break and pencils break too. Some just take longer before they do. Lovers also break. Tall buildings break because of a small tremor.The world is crumbling under us and its the solid ground beneath our feet that's an illusion. When everything is stripped down its essence and the illusions go away, we are all going to crumble down like some landslide and be buried in our own fantasies.I walk into the emergency section of the hospital and find everybody standing in a line like a wall. They are all looking at me, not sure who is going to break the news." Twain, we tried, the doctors tried too, but things happen according to God's will. "The voice gets distant as he continues speaking. I feel myself floating in space watching from a distance.Fate can not be so cruel. To he'll with fate.What about what I want. What about her getting well." We just arrived and she was trying to be s
I could feel everything inside me building up yet I was just turning a valve. It made me think of my mother when she made cookies in the oven. She would prick little holes all over them so the cookies would breathe. I was just breathing letting out some desperation. I closed my eyes anticipating each thin cut, feeling the wash of relief when it was done. When I said I was hurting I wanted to see and touch the place that was hurting, not just feel it. " Twain! Twain" I could hear Luke, my baby brother yelling from a distance. Nobody was going to rob me of my little world of ecstasy. Everything good I had didn't last and this time round I would fight to keep this feeling. The cuts were pulsing and looked like ties in a railroad track. Like towers of stairs you would find on stage. I pictured a parade of ugly people like me and wondered where these steps would lead. The
Dear no oneDear diary, I'm sorry I ignored you for a while and I haven't been writing here.This only means that things are not okay.I have been bottling up my feelings and that is dangerous. Because these emotions and hate will build up on each other until I can not take it anymore and explode killing someone.But don't you worry, what we have with you, no one could ever understand or take that away from us because you are my best friend who listens to me without judging me and I am grateful for that.Dear no oneToday, I accidentally cut my wrist with a blunt blade and had to wear a pullover through out. My partner in science class probably saw it and made fun of me the whole day with his friends saying I was nose bleeding.But I am used to that, everyone making a fun of me. it used to hurt me until it does not anymore, and I kind of miss that hurt, because I am lost without it.
" Their are more pages of this, " Steve exclaimed and I looked up in time to see a glint of sadness in his eyes, an emotion that disappeared as soon as it came.Looking down I knit my fingers together and slammed my eyes shut as guilt and shame washed over me. " Don't hate me please, " I whispered lowering my gaze and orbs to avoid meeting his stare. I could feel his eyes burning bright like flaming torches pierced through me. " I think right now they have finished processing your discharge papers," he said looking away staring at the blue sky. I tightened my hold on my diary afraid of opening it. I never read an entry I had written twice and he probably read some pages. " I'm sorry about your diary, I thought I would hold it for you, because it seemed to me you wouldn't be happy if someone else found it." "How do you wake up everyday and walk around like you are okay? "he asked his eyes dull as dar
Change is a series of small moments that build up on each other like steps on the side of a mountain, it is inevitable and does not happen in a day.Perhaps their was change and saving for me after all." Hello James, I heard, I am sorry about your daughters accident," came a neighbour as we entered the house." It is fine right now, you know, once the acid spilled on her hands and burned her, the skin their started bubbling up like some hot water and she tried to scrap it off with a razor. " I listened to my dad reply without a silver of emotion. He knew how to keep his cool.Deep down I just hoped everybody bought the story in case that was what people knew. Because I Could not stand unnerving kindness and sympathy from everyone." Poor thing, That is so unfortunate. " a sorry voice exclaimed." Is she okay now? " another woman asked."Yeah, their is just a little damage. ""S
I pulled the comforters Upto my nose and inhaled the old scent of my room. It hd been long since I slept here and but everything looked the sameI was about to close my eyes and surrender to sleep probably because of weariness and exhaustion but a small frame pushed open my door and Luke came in. He hoovered around the bed for a while before he came and sat down on the covers."Can I come and sleep with you, "he asked with his small innocent voice.I smiled and scooted further on the bed creating space for him and opening the duvet." Thank you. " he said as he tucked himself in.I smiled and ruffled his hair while staring at the ceiling ."You know I missed sleeping with you and nowadays, I do not wet my bed anymore. ""Wow, how did you stop that?" I exclaimed."It just happened, I am a big man now and daddy said I could be the man of the house if I wanted. "He whispered boldly and