I don’t know how to feel. Fear and panic are consuming me, and I can’t process anything beyond the next thirty seconds. I can barely breathe … again. Jake catches my hands and brings them to his chest, pulling me to look at him, slowing my erratic breathing as it matches his. I’ve never had a full-blown panic attack before, but I know instinctively that’s what this is. I let him bring me back from the verge again.“We are in this together, I won’t sit back and let you deal with all of this alone, bambino. I’ll take care of you every step of the way. I’ll be the guy who gets up and feeds the baby while you sleep, and I’ll change the nappies and take care of mom the best I can. Trust me with this. Trust that I would never leave you to do this alone even if you decide you don’t want me back.” He kisses me on the nose and my heart melts at the way he always gr

I try to ignore Jake’s smug look when I saunter into the open-plan living space, finally awake from my two-hour nap on his bed. I had a tantrum on the way home, making him walk with me while I refused to get in the car, while Jefferson drove alongside at the pace of a snail. It was utterly ridiculous, but I was adamant that Jake wouldn’t tell me what to do and he walked alongside me with hands in pockets; daring not to argue.I’ve woken up feeling a hundred times angrier and more emotional, whether it’s delayed shock or my brain unraveling slowly I have no clue. I only know that I feel like breaking down and sobbing about everything and eating a lot of ice cream … with chips … and hot sauce … And maybe a bowl of pistachios too. I suddenly want food more than anything; again. Food and some damn mental rest. This is completely exhausting, like I am going through some sort of grief that I can’t understand.He’s stan

For the first time in weeks I get a stupid spontaneous smile spreading across my face and I stare at him in a completely new light. It’s as though I’ve just woken up, and blinking in sunlight, I gaze at him as he comes into focus. He looks happy, idling through the stuff on the bed, his green eyes almost luminescent. I’ve never seen him as gorgeous as he is right at this very moment, beaming over his baby’s things looking every bit irresistible to me. I couldn’t fill my heart with any more love than this moment right here. Everything that has happened, everything we’ve done to one another, yet this little moment here seems to wipe it all out. Just looking at him like this, knowing I’ve been falling apart without his touch, has me aching. I want him, and I need him so badly, this is making me crazy.“Kiss me,” I say it so directly and spontaneously that I even take myself by surprise.

“We need to go out today, Emma.” Jake wakes me from my nap with a gentle kiss on the mouth. I’m on the couch where I fell asleep with a book. Kissing has made a definite come back, although Jake never lets it move into full-on passion. I know it’s because he doesn’t want to escalate things, but he has gone back to kissing me softly, tenderly, and sometimes a little erotically. I’ve managed to gain control of the Demon Bitch appearing in my head, with the kissing at least; she doesn’t pop in there as easily anymore.“Where?” I stretch out and yawn. This last week I haven’t felt like doing anything or going out at all; morning sickness and tiredness are currently ruling my life. I guess I’m finally starting to accept the idea of a baby growing inside of me; appointments for doctors have been arranged for a week’s time. I’m not exactly jumping around with excitement, but at least I’m not trying t

“She’s here, isn’t she? I got her back. I’m not going to be that dumb again, I swear.” He huffs and squeezes me a little tighter. Sylvana scowls at him, then her face drops, and she heaves a sudden sigh, remembering her dilemma.“This is what the so much worse is.” She flaps her hands with a dramatic sigh. “Marissa is here. In the sitting room.” She grimaces and both Jake and I tense up instantly. My breath catches painfully, but Jake is the first to speak.“What the hell for?” He sounds angry, no, he sounds pissed as hell. Meanwhile I just feel sick, and emotional, and about ready to cry and storm away. This is turning into the day from hell for me.“She’s staying with her family for the weekend and just showed up asking to see me and talk about things … She’s carrying my grandchild r