He’s back in playful mode and for once it doesn’t irritate me, it relieves me. This is what I need.“Knew you couldn’t hate me for long, Bambino.” He’s still smiling and trying to look convincingly assured while failing.Yeah, of course, you were so confident when I walked in.I remember his stressed posture and lost look, only moments before.“Hmm, the jury is still out on that,” I answer impassively. I could never hate Jake. He throws me a mock injured look and I push him harder this time, so he falls back onto the couch with flailing arms and a shocked expression.Easy there, teen Emma, he’s still your boss.“Hey, woman! Any more of that and I’ll have to retaliate. I can promise you; my kind of physical exertion will put some color in your cheeks.” He gets up as though he’s going to grab me and I squeal, throwing out my arms toward him and shoving him straight back down wit

I don’t get much sleep. I stare at the ceiling listening to the silence in the dark before dawn finally tugs me out of bed. I jog alone at 6.00 a.m. the familiar route I normally take with Jake, but he’s still in bed and avoiding him is my only plan of action this morning.I pound the picturesque streets of Seattle with my soft-soled running shoes and try to bring back all the calm and control that rules my life. We need to forget last night ever happened if we’re to move on. I need to stop over analyzing and obsessing over it and forget it ever happened.He was drunk! Jake’s impulsive and sometimes irrational when he’s drunk; he can be unpredictable and foolish, and I shouldn’t put any weight on last night at all. He’s a born womanizer and last night with beer goggles on I was just another possible conquest who was obviously giving him some sort of come-on signs.I shower and eat in my room and pack my suitcase. We’re h

It’s the middle of the night by the time we land in Chicago, and the hired driver takes me to West Englewood. The streets are badly lit, but don’t conceal the grubbiness or derelict area from view. The streets, although busy with traffic, seem almost deserted. The aura of poverty and hardship reflected in the brown buildings and scruffy stores and I get that old ripple of trepidation as unease moves through me and that weight of emptiness I used to feel at being here returns with a vengeance.I’m to meet Sophie at my old home, the apartment that my mother has lived in since the day she brought me home from the hospital. My mother is stable in St Bernard Hospital, but I won’t be able to see her until morning to assess how much damage has been done.I’m still numb with a tinge of anger even thinking about her. I know this isn’t natural—she’s my mother. I should feel concern, devastation, worry even, but I don’t. I’m

The hospital is as every other in the state: clinical, white, and blue, sterile halls and rooms, and the strong odor of chemicals with a dingy taint in the air. Sophie is holding my hand as we walk, and she looks so noticeably young and afraid. My gut instinct is to haul her close to my side and place a protective arm about her shoulders and the thought makes me smile. Who knew I was maternal? I do exactly that and meet no resistance from her. Jake and his over-familiar, hands-on way of life has turned me into a touchy-feely just like him but I’m not mad at it.Does he see me this way? Is this why he’s so hands-on?That strong urge to protect me, seeing glimpses of unsure scared Emma under the mask. The thought warms me inside and I miss him so badly it aches in the depth of my stomach.Sophie seems to relax in my embrace as we walk in companionable silence. We may only have just met, but we both sense a deep instant connection with one another I’ve

All my vulnerable woe fleets away into panic as I realize what Jake intends to do. Jake boxes and practices martial arts as a fitness regime and he used to be a scrapper in his teens, always in trouble. I know he’s a fighter, but I’m still beyond terrified. Ray and Jake are equally matched in body size, almost in height and definitely in aggression so there’s no telling what the outcome will be, and I can’t bear it.I run after him screaming his name manically; he’s much faster than I am and he’s already out of the building tearing off in the direction of a lone figure walking in the distance. Jake can run like the wind. I can’t even begin to catch up, throwing my stilettos off and proceeding barefoot, my body shedding adrenaline fast and I get a cramp in my leg so badly I fall. Panic sears through me as I try to get up, they’re too far from me to really see what’s happening but the figures have collided. They’re a jum