"How are you feeling? About everything." I let myself really reflect on the question. I mean I've certainly had better days but I'm also doing about a thousand times better than I was a few weeks ago. I was a literal mess and it's hard to believe where I am now. I'm not necessarily great but I'm definitely in a good space, in a better space. I don't say all that to him though. I instead say,"You do know I'm the adult here right?"He's 8, what does he know about depth?"Oh c'mon Lex, you never let me ask stuff. How am I supposed to be like you if you don't teach me?" He asks the question I've now heard too many times with a frown. I've begged him to please not end up like me, I'm yet to give him a reason. Putting it in simpler terms would be that I'm the last person anyone should ever look up to. I have no sense of direction whatsoever, but I'm not going to tell him that."You're too young to ask these questions Josh, I tell you this all the time," I say to him. Truthfully he's quit

"Hey, you're not allowed to peek!""But...""Josh!""Fine..."He responds in surrender then lets me put the palm of my hands back on his eyes.He's even worse than me at surprises."Are we there yet?""Almost. Just a few more steps... And - you can open your eyes now!"He conforms and then,"Uh... I don't get it.""Open the box," I say to him in a duh tone but I'm not surprised when he then says,"But what was the point of closing my eyes if it's in a box?"Josh has a smart mouth that I still try really hard not to slap."Ok I guess that was a little dramatic but open the box Josh jeez," I say to him annoyingly but also excitedly. I can't wait to see his face when he sees it.He then doesn't waste any more time before opening the box and then,"You're kidding me!""Nope.""Alex, is this a prank?""Ooh, that would've been a great one hey? But no it's not."I say then laugh when he jumps up and down holding the red piece of paper."My friend is one of the players for the eagles and he p

"Dad stop it. You're making me cry."I say wiping the next tear that falls on my cheek."I just want to say sweetheart, that it took a really long time. It took us years before we could finally land where we are. And it's the best place we've ever been in a very long time."It's the best place we've been since mom's death. It's like we were just lost souls trying to find ourselves in a world we never imagined to live without mom in it and we were just winging it.For years.But now?"Ok ok dad! Which one are you gonna go with?" I ask looking at the breathtaking pieces of silver and gold bands."I don't know Hunny, when I proposed to your mom I didn't have a lot of money so I didn't have to go through this. I just went for the cheapest ring I could find." He says earning laughs from the jeweler and myself.It sounds unromantic but I know what was on dad's mind was the prospect of spending the rest of his life with the woman he was madly in love with. Nothing else mattered in that momen

"Let's see. There was Leo, Martin, Dean, and LorenzoI went out with Lorenzo two times though, he was good company. Oh and Dean was cute, he got me a bracelet that I gave to Josh to give to his crush at school.I still don't know how you'd feel about my telling you all this"It's still very weird but I like to imagine this being the relationship I would've had with her if she was still alive. A relationship where I can tell her anything and everything, including who I've slept with.She would cringe but still appreciate my openness."Oh and then there was Grant. He was a little bit, maybe a lot older than me but he really took care of me, for that week at least."That was before I found out he was married with two kids, I'm not going to tell mom that."I'm slowing down a bit now. It was fun."It really was. For the past four years, I've not been 'falling in love' with other people but myself.I'd realized that beyond the two people I was with, I had no other experiences of dating wha

"What did I do now?"We do this thing where we joke around with each other, this is to ignore the tension that still exists with us.We walk around acting like everything's cool and I guess it is, to an extent but there's clearly stuff that was left unsaid with us. For way too long.That is why,"I just wanted us to talk - to clear the air."If I'm serious then we won't waste time joking around.I want to do more than just 'clear the air'. It's been years and we still haven't really talked about what happened.He takes a seat across from me and then,"Yeah sure."His tone gets a bit serious and that allows me to continue."Where's Bruno?"I don't see him around anymore, for years actually. I know they'd remained friends after we broke up, for a while. I'm not sure what happened with them but clearly something did happen because wherever there was Ezra, Bruno was somewhere around. Never one without the other."I don't know."He says simply.His face is void of emotion, like that was n