The next two weeks saw an endless parade of visitors. Instead of heading out of the house everybody wished to see me. I was holed up in the parlous serving endless rounds of tea, answering the same dozen questions and smiling until my jaw hurt. Edmund believed himself mean by not taking me to every ball and invitation, in reality I was too tired. I had a new physician, Doctor Irwin Mathers. He was of the new school of midwifery, had attended to various royal family members and was a warm, gentle soul. He was from Ireland originally and had the kindest eyes. His patchwork black and grey hair reminded me of a badger which seemed cruel to point out. When he first set to examining me with the stethoscope upon my chest he saw how skittish I was. I did not want to be touched, fondled or exposed in any way. As though calming a nervous horse he simply waited until I was calm. He kept his eyes to the floor, as if aware I felt the gaze of men such as him discomforting. “Your Grace, I am you

I had no opportunity to see my mother before the Horseguards Ball. I sent her a quick note back confirming my attendance and assuring her I had nothing but Kitty’s best intentions at heart. I could not confess the horror at seeing such a name. The man paired with Kitty, surely, he could not be who I thought.For her to have fallen in with his deviant, criminal brother with a penchant for gambling would be appalling. Not only for her but it linked Fitz and I together in a way neither of us would want. Edmund would be livid and in his current state there was no way to comprehend what he was capable of.The Ball was set to be a lively affair, military ones always contained more dancing and merriment. “I shall not be dancing,” he muttered grumpily as we climbed into the carriage, clutching his cane tightly. “Of course Your Grace,” I answered timidly, fussing with my fur cape.The fear of him pulling out of this event caused me to be meek and submissive. Looking at me he scowled. “Why are

Time stood still. Fitz was here. Standing right before me. Farrer’s rolled and groaned as he drifted out of consciousness. There was not a single functioning word in my head. The shock of the whole evening was threatening to overwhelm me into fainting.His vile brother, my sister’s desire for infamy, the attempted assault by the drunken, bloodied man on the floor. All of which paled in comparison to seeing his kind, strong face again. The emerald green eyes that haunted my dreams. To my surprise, he stepped backwards, putting distance between us as he quickly looked down at the doctor's bloodied face.“You should leave,” he whispered, though his green eyes never left me for a second. I was in so much shock I could not reply, but when he spun to walk away, I found my voice. He had barely taken two steps when I broke, quickly stepping towards him despite sensible judgement.“Don’t, you cannot leave me like this!” I whispered, my hand finding his in his pocket. His fingers locked betwee

The next week sees me frantically searching the papers for mention of rumour or scandal. Doctor Farrers attack achieved some notoriety, but all the rags pinned the assailant as a recovered victim of one of his schemes. Edmund snickered merrily, “I do wish there had been a drawing, apparently his face was pulp!” as his inner thoughts boomed aloud more frequently.Memories of Fitz taunted me, I found myself walking in the garden more frequently. Partially to convince the watching staff it was a peculiar habit I had acquired, also to hope and pine that I might see those green eyes through the black iron gate once more.Although I avoided any mention, Kitty’s name did make the papers. Although not named directly there was talk of the “Horseguards Favourite pair of Blue Eyes,” pointing out how there only had to be a man in a redcoat in a tearoom for her to attend the function. It suggested her debut had not been a class act. Sadly it could only be my sister.I invited her to lunch with me,

I am huge. The past few months have seen me develop a pronounced waddle, painful hips and an obsession with cheese. The confinement is not helping matters. The longer I spend in my room feeling inactive the more my body aches with misery. Despite my size, I long to ride on a horse or feel the wind on my face. Stand at the top of a cliff face and inhale the sea air. Anything to feel a dash of excitement. Instead I have surrendered like a prisoner to the same four walls.I am full of anticipation for our child's arrival. Doctor Mathers has suggested the baby has rotated on cue. Their legs are very much kicking upwards, into my very lungs it would seem.I have somehow managed to survive my heartache for Fitz, only the stress of Kitty has seen me through. I am concerned she is heading for a similar misery as a wife as myself. Once the more eligible Viscount Clyde was engaged she set her aim on wealth alone. Looks, humour and affection were qualities she suddenly dismissed in her quest f