_____          “     17th October,2005Dear mama,I miss you and I'm so sorry for taking your life. I don't know why I'm writing this to you when I know you're not here anymore. I guess it's because you were the only one I could really talk to. Mama, I'm hurting everywhere. He beat me yesterday and now I can't sleep. I'm still in the basement, bleeding, tired and so hungry. But I killed you. Now there's no one to love me. Mama forgive me. I hope he kills me soon so I'd see you again and apologize. Mama, why didn't you let him kill me when I was six? Now look what I did to you. I'm not worthy of anything you gave to me. I'm broken mama and no one would ever love me because you're gone.”___The page has water marks and is partly covered in blood. Is it his blood? Oh god, and judging by the date gaps from the thirteenth to the seventeenth is a maximum of four days. What happened to him during these days except

____20th October 2005.Dear mama, I know you said you loved him, but mama did you really stop to think if he loves you? He hates all of us, me the most. That day when I was six started off alright since dad was no where around. The scotching heat of the sun that stood over head was too much to bare. So the young me thought it alright to take my mask off . We were playing in the garden with Dante when he appeared. I told Dante to hide and he did, but I was too late to myself when his eyes landed on me.He slapped me hard across the cheek, sending me stumbling to the ground. My head hit a sharp rock and a wound opened immediately. No matter how much I cried he kept beating and kicking me. Over and over again. Just like he does now. Kicking my stomach repeatedly and punching every part of my body.He yelled in my ears," where is your mask you demon child! I hate your fucking ugly face so much!"Now I hate my face too. Beaten bruis

My eyes are swollen by morning and my head hurts like a bitch. All this because a man I swore not to fall for broke my heart yesterday with is stupid words. Though do I hate him now? Nope. Actually that's why I'm crying in the kitchen and stuffing my face with cereal so that he finds me and gives me a hug. Then I cry some more and tell him to let me go so he'd fight for me and we end up kissing. I apologize, he does too and we end up watching a sad movie in the TV room while cuddling and kissing away our pain.Does that happen? No! And it makes me feel more sad. So I called Grace and disturbed her sleep."Hello," she answers into the receiver sounding sleepy.I sniffle," hey Grace. You still asleep?""Yes. Do you have a flue?" She asks."No...I don't." I answer and I hear someone groan before shuffling. "Give me a second," she says sounding more awake. The line goes quiet for a second before I here the wooshing sound of the wind beating against the trees and birds singing in the dista

The icy feel the water gives my body is thrilling. I squeeze shampoo onto my palm, feeling the strawberry sented soap calm my nerves even more. By the time I was done I felt satisfied and calmer than I was thirty minutes ago. Wait.... thirty minutes? Shit. Hurriedly, I make my way to the closet, already feeling lazy to dress up. I just want to stay naked. Searching through my options I settle on a lose sleeveless dress in a light blue colour, with a pink hue staining the bottom. I don't put on anything else on the inside and just apply a lite moisturizer on my skin. I love the way the dress hugs my body but is loose enough to enable me to move freely and still feel dressed. It ends just under my knees and I like that because I have no under ware on. Safety first right? Huh? Huh?.....oh you don't get it.By the time I'm going back down stairs I hear Herman and grace having a conversation in the kitchen."I can't do it later....yes a few days postponing the trip yes but not a whole month

I look up at the mention of my name and find Herman kneeling in front of me. The crease on his forehead told me he was worried even before I looked into his eyes and saw a pained expression in them. Is he feeling the way I'm feeling?The thought tags at my heart strings and a sob escapes my lips, like a cough. "Hey," he came closer and pulled me into him."Herman I can't," I sob into the crook of his neck and let all I want to say come out."What is the problem?" That simple question sent my mouth into the release of a bunch of frenzied words that somehow didn't make any sense. "Did you take alcohol?" He asked after I was done blabbering nonsense and he looked down at me after pulling away."Forget about the alcohol...why don't you want to fuck me? Is it because of Shantels that you don't even want to touch me?" His brows furrowed. "Thea, that's what I want to do in this whole world and it's not because of anyone.""Then why hav