Levi- I’d lose to her endlessly but, I would never lose her. I don’t fucking care, how many wounds I get, or how many times I have to reincarnate. But for her, I’d come back, every time. Did I love her to let her go? Who the fuck am I? A stupid protagonist? Let her go just to see her smile, to hell with that. If only she killed me, or ruptured a spleen, made me frail even to walk, so that I had reasons to stop looking for her but, now that I’m alive, I will look for her. I won’t wait for that silver lining; I’ll fucking bring the clouds down and see if she was sitting up there. “Don’t people drown themselves in alcohol at times like these?” I wonder how he managed to come out alive, when he had a rib broken, a dislocated shoulder. “You consider alcohol as a numbing agent, but I want to feel every inch of my bones shatter, I want to feel this pain.” So that the grief shrieks with joy and tells me it was worth the torment. So that when she mends me, I could feel the joy of being

I love Phoenix, but remember when I said that maybe I'm ready to give up on my past and start a new life with him? Forget it. Because I'm not ready. I never will be, the fluid named vengeance runs as blood in my veins and I’d be dead if not for it. I had hope, in the basement. Revenge was that hope. You see, I never lied when I said, I am a beast. The names on the diary, Archie killed them from the first page, since he’s locked up at Levi’s mansion, he couldn’t have finished them off. So, I’ll start from the end. Phoenix doesn’t know, he shouldn’t. He’s right, I don’t do walks, because I kill. But when did it start? When I had finally given up on this diary, I was about to throw it off the bridge. To start anew, fresh, road to unicorns and clouds and skies and everything bright. The water as blue as the sky, the sky I wanted to touch, and that day I realized I'm not meant to touch it. I took a deep breath, I had Phoenix’s poems, his emotions printed on his book, I don’t need

Life and death, it doesn’t come with a warning, dreams and nightmares are the same. Because I found him standing before me, nightmare? No. My death. One moment I was dying with pleasure and the other, I had Levi’s words ringing inside my head. The notion called sanity has turned into just vague and timid emotions for me. Not him but his death haunts me, and at times like these? “You okay?” His brow rose up, worry cascading on his face, I want to nod, I want to say yes but I can’t. And I'm guilty, I'm feigning ignorance. I don’t want to face the look he’s having right now, the look which is not sympathetic, because my eyes, they speak a different language than usual. The thought of thinking about Levi in an indecent way never struck me before, and by this am I, am I breaking Phoenix’s heart? Am I, am I cheating on him? With a dead person? I want to shut these thoughts down, because I know I love him, but by any chance do I have feelings for Levi at the same time? No, no, I'm