I keep concentrating on cutting my lettuce into tiny pieces and dipping each one into the dressing.Derek plops down with a tray full of french fries and says, “Yo! Did you guys hear about how Mr. Dunlevy got a DUI over the weekend?”“Yeah, I heard,” Rennie says. “Coach Christy was pissed. I mean, he gets paid extra to teach us driver’s ed.”I take another bite of salad. Chew. Chew. Chew.“Sophia, weren’t you and Leonid in driver’s ed with him last year?” Alex asks. “Did he ever smell like booze?”I shrug. Leonid shrugs too. Neither of us says anything. “Huh,” Alex says, and there’s this slight edge in his voice. He’s looking at me, and then he jerks his thumb in Leonid direction. “You were so chummy-chummy at your party on Friday. And now you can barely stand to look at each other. What gives?”I almost choke on the piece of hard-boiled egg in my mouth. It tastes like dust.Lazily, Leonid says, “Sophia and I remembered that we don’t actually like each other,” and Rennie smiles a cat

Calmdowncalmdowncalmdown.“What’s that noise?” my mom asks.“It’s Mary,” Aunt Bette says. “I told you. She’s ready to go home.”I hear my mom say, “Bette, please. Please stop torturing me like this.”I’m still standing on the stairs, stuck in place. Something is wrong. Very wrong. Suddenly I’m afraid to go down there.“You need help, Bette,” my mom says, and she sounds like she’s crying. “I’m taking you away from here. This house is making you sick.”“No no, I’m fine, Erica,” Aunt Bette says desperately. “She wants to leave! She wants to leave with you! I’ll be better when she’s gone!”“This house is in shambles, and you’re—you’re not well,” my mom chokes out. “You can’t stay here any longer.”Aunt Bette backs up. “You can’t go without Mary. She’s going to be upset. She’s going to hurt someone.”“We’re leaving. Now.” Mom has the door open. I stare at it and force it closed. She’s shocked as the knob flies out of her hand. The door bangs shut, and the dead bolt clicks.Aunt Bette cries

I’M HIGH UP IN THE rear balcony of Holy Lady of the Sea, and it is pure agony. There aren’t enough tears in the whole wide world. My sobs echo those of the congregation below me.There is a brass urn on the white marble altar. And a sea of flowers. Roses and mums and lilies and snapdragons, a cross made of white carnations, wreaths with pink ribbons hanging down the front. So many flowers, even though it’s snowing on the other side of the stained-glass windows.I don’t know when I got here. I don’t know what day it is. I don’t know the time.An old lady takes a seat at the organ behind me and begins a sad hymn. Everyone stands up, and the preacher walks somberly down the center aisle, followed by two altar boys holding big wooden crosses. It is a struggle for my mom to keep up. I see her through my tears. Black pencil skirt, black sweater. She can barely stand. Aunt Bette supports her on one side, my father on the other.I rub my eyes and look again. It’s not my mom. It’s Ms. Holtz. S

I hear Alex say, “How are you holding up?”I can hear the surprise in Leonid’s voice when he says, “I’m all right.”“Come on, man. I know how much you cared about her.” Alex pauses. “I’m still pissed at you for going after Sophia ”“That’s over.”It hurts to hear him say it, but it’s time.Then Alex says, “If you ever want to talk—I’m here for you.”There’s this long beat, and I’m holding my breath, hoping. Hoping that Leonid will let him in. Alex has always known how to talk to Leonid. His opinion is the only one Leonid has ever really cared about besides Rennie’s.Gruffly Leonid says, “I’m good. But thanks.”I let out the breath I was holding. Then I hear Alex say, “All right,” and then a few seconds later the front door opens and closes.I step out, thinking it’s Leonid who left. Only it wasn’t.Leonid looks up and sees me standing there. “Oh, hey,” he says, startled.“Hey,” I say. I busy myself picking up plastic cups.We work in silence. When we’re almost done, I hear a muffled s

I miss you,” I whisper between kisses. Then I look up at him, and my pulse quickens as I wait for him to answer.A cocky smile spreads across his face. “Course you do. You can’t get enough of me.”I stiffen. I come over here in the middle of the night against my better judgment, and he’s joking around like it’s nothing? Is everything a joke to him? I stand up straight and try to push him away, but he doesn’t let me. His voice gets serious as he says, “I miss you, too. You know I do. I . . . I just don’t know how to act. Everything’s so f**ked up.”I sigh. “I wish . . .” I stop, and Leonid pushes my hair out of my eyes.“Your hair’s wet.”“I just had a bath,” I say, and he nods.“What were you going to say?” he asks me. “What do you wish?”“I wish it didn’t have to be like this. It’s so . . . complicated.” More than Leonid even knows. “We haven’t talked about Rennie once.”He looks down at the ground. “I don’t want to talk about Rennie right now.”I’m about to say, If not now, then whe