The chauffeur nods and waits while I slide into the seat. Soft classical music is playing and the car smells of expensive perfume. The door closes, and the man walks around to his side of the car. I turn my head to look at the windows of my house. At the living room window, I see Nigel standing there staring at me. There is something so lost and forlorn about the defeated droop to his shoulders that I bleed inside.The driver gets into his seat and the car starts to move. I stare out of the window seeing nothing. All I can think of is Nigel standing at the window. As the car leaves Earls Court and takes the M4 out of London, I start to pay attention. We make steady progress until the car smoothly joins the M25. There is more traffic here, but less than twenty minutes later we take the slip road out of the motorway. After a little while, I see signposts for Virginia Water, Surrey. I’ve been there once. One of Nigel’s friends lives on the Wentwo

Star His eyes betraying nothing but indifference. Yes, I’d like to use your body for a month, but it wouldn’t bother me too much whether you stayed or went. But my hands are shaking with terror.Not fear of him, but of my own unnatural desire for him. It’s the kind of craving I’ve never known before. Until now I never suspected there could be such a need for another human being. A stranger.Of course, I love Nigel. I love him deeply. My love for him feels as warm and comfortable as an old blanket. Makes me safe. I know I can trust that love to last until I am grey and wrinkled.What I feel for this cold-eyed monster is raw and dangerous. Even from where I am standing I can feel the waves of sexual tension coming from him. Like heat from the Mediterranean sun. Heating up my blood. Making me feel hot and strange.One kiss?I’m already hanging on to the edge of the cliff by my fingernails. Barely able

His gaze locks on mine. In the cluster of lamplights by the stairs, his eyes glow like a wolf’s. He doesn’t move or say anything. Just looks at me. I feel it then. How completely isolated he is. Like those strange twisted, gnarled trees that grow on barrenwastelands. They get their nourishment from deep within the earth so they have no need for anyone or anything.Suddenly, I feel unsteady on my feet.I grip the banister and carefully, continue on my journey down.As I reach the third step from the bottom I come level with him. Something flickers in his hooded eyes. He has secrets. Rooms of them. Rooms I can never enter.He reaches out a hand and touches the skin of my stomach. Desire snakes down my spine, the hair on my skin stands, and my whole body comes alive. I have to fight not to reveal how affected I am by that simple touch. I inhale deeper, and without meaning to I breathe him in, the scent of his cologne, the warmth of his skin

Outside it is getting dark. The daylight loving animals are settling down for the night. Like a nocturnal animal, my mind fills with anticipation. It’s time to hunt.My back is to her, but I feel her gaze. She averts her eyes as I turn around. I walk slowly but purposefully in her direction. On my journey, I stop to flick some table lamps. Yellow light fills the room. My brain notes how nervously she shuffles in her seat.I stop behind her. I am standing so close I can smell her. Flowers, mixed in with heady excitement and a touch of fear. I bend down until I am so close to her, my breath ghosts her neck. Her breathing becomes more pronounced. Steeling herself she turns to look at me. The look in my eyes causes her pupils to enlarge with sudden panic. She quickly drops her head. I run a finger along her pale cheek. She has beautiful skin. Smooth and cool.“It’s time, little butterfly.”“Time for what?” she whispers, her body tr

Nikolai “Y ou’re nothing but a big bully.”The words reverberate around in my brain like an echo. I thought I had killed that motherfucker, but it is not dead. The past can never die. It lies down quietly in a dark well of sorrow, and when you least expect, it jumps out at you. After all these years. The scars have outwardly healed, but the ugliness underneath remains as vivid as yesterday. I turn away from her quickly. I don’t want her to see. Not her. I’m already too exposed. Too vulnerable.My hand shakes as I close the door behind me. I hear her crying and I want to go to her, but I won’t. It’s not safe for me.The past. There is no escaping it. It’s not dead.It’s still calling …  Twenty-six Years Ago …    “Boys can you come down, please,” our housekeeper, Duscha, calls.I turn instantly to my younger brother, Pavel. It is a late autum