Prologue

13 years ago

I don´t have many memories of that day, because I was bearly 3 years old.

This October day I was playing in our backyard, it was later in the evening but still pleasantly warm.

Dad and I had built a tree house, which I liked very much, and played in there this day too.

My attention were caught when there were noises and loud voices. The voices of my parents, they were fighting inside.

Nothing new for me, but I think no kid appreciates it, if their parents are fighting. So I climbed down the ladder to dispute their argument.

Shyly I peaked into our living room, were my Mom gesticulated wildly and shouting at my Dad. He, on the other hand, stucked his hand in his side and holding his head as if he had a bad headache.

I stand there awkwardly, not confident enough to interrupt them, fidgeting with my fingers.

After a while their fight was interrupted by the bell of the front door. My Dad broke away from my mother to answer the door.

Now Mom noticed me and seemed a bit restless.

She was shocked when she heared the voices that were talking with Dad.

"Ash!", Mom whispered, ordered me over to her with a wave.

When I´m frozen in place, she grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into a storeroom next to the pantry.

I could hear a loud noise from the hallway, then my Moms voice.

"How could you do that? What are you doing ...?"

Another loud noise, the sound of metal, interrupted her, a body fell to the ground.

The panic got to me and I wanted to look outside into the living room to see what was going on.

I could take a look outside through the keyhole, I could see my Moms legs laying there, blood slowly flowing down.

Back then as a child I was in a weird state of mind. It felt like watching TV, looking in from the outside, till slowly shock set in.

What was happening ...?

This can´t be ... This can´t be real ...

Right before I could go outside from the storeroom to check on my parents, a pair of feet stepped into my field of vision.

,,Glad that this job is done. Collecting money from small fry becomes rather annoying, especially if they don´t give much of a fight."

Thank god I could hold back a startled yelp by pressing my hands to my mouth, while I observed the feet turned in my direction, stopped and turned to their accompanist.

Did they see me?

"Dude, do you know if they were alone in this house? Did they children?"

Oh no, please don´t these people find me.

What did they do to Mom and Dad? Are they going to kill me too?

I tried ton concentrate on my breathing to avoid a panick attack, if I would make noises they would know I´m here.

"Don´t know, man. They weren´t in the gang, so how would I know about their family?"

There were two or more strangers in our house and hurt my family?

Now I the tears rolling down my face were real.

What should I do in such a situation?

I wouldn´t be able to fight them off. Would thy shoot me? Punch me?

Why is no one here? 

The voices had a long pause.

"Allright, let´s clean up and go."

You wouldn´t believe the reliev that washed over me when these people were finally gone.

And then there was this moment when I left the storeroom, rushed over to my Mom, shaked her, called for her ... but would never get an answer again.

I don´t remember when grandma Nona arrived, but I recall that I told her about everything that happened.

After that there was a lot of police, the ambulance and curious neighbours.

Nona talked long and hard with the police, while the doctor checked on me and gave me some hot chocolate.

My hands were still trembling, my heart was racing and I would cry uncontrollably from time to time, but me as a child didn´t even understand everything I was feeling.

Good thing the doctor could give me some medication to calm down and the hot chocolate made me feel warm and relaxed, if only there still wasn´t the smell of desinfection and blood.

A smell I wouldn´t so easily forget.

Finally Nona came back to talk to me. Her guilty look only made me fidgety again.

"Dear, your Mom and Dad are at another place now. I´m so sorry baby, but ... they can never come back. Don´t forget, they always loved you, and you still have your Nona who will love you. If I could I would get your Mom and Dad back to you so you won´t have to be sad. Sadly thats not in my power. Your Nona isn´t that strong anymore and these people today are dangerous, so you have to be safe from them."

That was her way of telling me I was going into the orphanage, but with a different last name.

Because the murderer didn´t know I was there or that I excisted, and I was never mentioned in newspaper articles I would be safe in some orphanage were they won´t search for me.