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Kabanata 33
Kabanata 33
Escape
I still don't understand why I deserved to be hurt in my past. I don't get the reason why all these pain turned into traumas and issues I have no idea how to resolve. I don't think I will ever have a chance to fully grasp what all these sufferings mean, because at the end of the day, I always forgive.
And I continuously forgive even without their apologies. I still love even there are fears of the history they carved on my skin. I still care even if my trust was milk-powdered.
I hate that I was called resilient for responding greatly from my trauma. I hate that I am being bamboozled by all the what ifs, the how-it-happened, the go with the flow. I hate tha
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Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 34
Kabanata 34Dropped“Why did you even tell him? At kailan ka pa nagkaroon ng number niya?” puno ng iritasyon na tanong ko sa kaniya nang sagutin niya agad ang tawag ko.I heard he chuckled kaya mas lalo ang naramdaman kong iritasyon sa kaniya. Tila inaasar pa ako nito lalo.“I just told him you left the city. Hindi ko naman sinabi kung saan kayo nagpunta,” Levi simply answered.Umikot ang mga mata ko sa ere.“Kahit na! Hindi mo na lang dapat sinabi. Si Kiel iyon! Lahat gagawin no’n mahanap lang kami—”
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 35
Kabanata 35RainedWhen I met Kiel, I started to dream for a relationship that cares more about the silent battles and sudden joy; the one I know I can be carefree, but also makes me feel secured.It just crushed down when history came into the picture of our life. Na hindi naman dapat nangyari. Na hindi naman dapat kami kasali.I was too young and impulsive. Na sa sobrang puno ako ng pagmamahal noon ay kaya kong kalimutan ang mga kasalanan ng lahat para lang maging payapa ang isipan ng nakararami. It did nothing to me. It didn’t help me at all. Lalong gumulo. Lalong nasira. Lalong nawasak lahat ng pinanghawakan ko noon.
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 36
Kabanata 36WarEverything was so fast. Na sa sobrang bilis ay halos hindi ito maproseso ng utak ko. Na sa sobrang bilis ng lahat ng pangyayari ay hindi iyon pumasok sa utak ko kaya nanatili akong tulala. Ilang minuto ako nakatitig sa duguang si Kiel bago ako tuluyang gumapang patungo sa kaniya. Dinig ko pa rin ang putok ng mga baril. Tila marami iyon at kung sino man ang target no’n ay wala itong balak na buhayin iyon.“K-Kiel!” nanginginig kong sigaw nang makalapit ako sa kaniya.Nakahiga ito. Nakapikit ang mga mata. Kumalat sa buong katawan niya ang dugo kaya hindi ko malaman kung saan ito tinamaan. Kasabay ng pag bilis ng tibok ng puso ko ay ang mabilis na paghawak ko sa kaniya. Pansin ko ang matinding panginginig ng mga kamay ko.
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 37
Kabanata 37Visitor“I’m fine, Lynne. Stop overreacting,” tamad na sinabi ko sa kaniya at umirap sa kawalan.I focused my gaze on the ceiling and heave a deep sigh. Narinig ko rin ang marahas na buntong hininga ni Lynne sa kabilang linya.“Are you sure you’re still safe there? Bakit hindi na lang kayo umuwi rito. You can stay at our house, Acel,” puno ng pag-aalalang sabi niya sa’kin at sinabayan pa ng mura.Tiningnan ko ang anak ko na abala sa panonood ng kung ano. Seryoso ito at tila enjoy na enjoy. Maaliwalas nang muli ang mukha nito, hindi katulad noong isang araw nang mabungaran ko siya nang magising ako.
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 38
Kabanata 38LineI clearly remember what it feels to be left alone, clueless, and more than a stupid being. Naalala ko pa kung gaano ko hinahangaan ang buong pamilyang mayroon ako dahil talaga namang may mga sari-sariling pangarap ang mga ito na kahit mahabang panahon na ang lumipas ay mahal na mahal pa rin nila ito.Not like me. I was unable to find my own dream when I started to put myself in chaos. I started to feel off and out of place to my own family when I learned about their history. I started to doubt everyone when I found out how they made me feel more than a stupid eversince when I was a child. That because of this war between my family and his family, I am unable to hear myself laughing again because of too much
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 39
Kabanata 39SurrenderHindi ko alam kung ilang beses na itong nangyari sa’kin— na dahil sa sobrang takot at kaba ay bigla na lamang akong nawawalan ng malay. Nang magising ako kanina ay halos atakihin ako habang naghihintay ng balita.Kuya Roy was revived. He didn’t die.Ngunit ang nakapagpakaba sa akin muli ay ang sinabi ng doktor sa kanila. Na sa oras na maulit ang arrest ni kuya ay posibleng hindi na nito kayanin iyon.To AveryHow was Zick, Ave?Matapos kong i-send iyon kay Avery ay umal
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 40
Kabanata 40TraumasMemories are funny how they can bring you back to a placein your mind. Sometimes it can feel like you're actually back in time. The emotions are so real. The lines of the past and present blur ever so slightly. You can feel the sharp pain of loss as it hits you like a tidal wave of grief. All the emotions come rushing back like you were there in that moment.I still remember when I first heard a gunshot. Those bloods and screaming. I don’t know if how many years would it take for me to endure it alone but my heart broke like it has so many times before. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me.Not until tonight.I’m not scared or any
Listens to Memories | Staring at Sound 2 Kabanata 41
Kabanata 41Truth and LiesNo one warns me about him, not even about the pain he could cause me. Apparently, he hold a big part of my life that he’s free to take away or not, but I hope he choose the latter— that’s what I was always praying before—that even after he rejected me repeatedly that night, I always include him to my prayers.“Are you hungry? I’ll cook something for you,” marahan niyang sambit sa’kin habang yakap-yakap pa rin ako.Tamad lamang akong tumango sa kaniya at hinayaan na siyang pakawalan ako—kahit na gusto ko pang manatili ang yakap niyang iyon sa’kin.“Are you okay? What
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