I was always a slender but never bigger, only got smaller until my bones showed, all because of me being locked up in a cage and almost, and I mean almost reaching a place of no return.
Things happen and people change, well it depends on what form of change it is, whether it's good or bad, drastic or over exaggerated and if it's deadly or not. In my life, I've had good things happen in my life but only a few, most of the things had either been bad or negative. It was usually caused by the people who came into my life, took whatever they wanted and left me to put myself back together again.
Things would seem okay for a while and I'd reach that moment of hope, for my life to turn out good, but fate had other plans for me when it was no more people harming me, but it was me doing that. I was now the one harming myself unknowingly, until my eyes opened up almost too late and I found myself fighting for my life in a hospital.
I take a breath, preparing myself for when I see my mom. I don't know why though, but something doesn't feel quite right, it's as if something unexpected is going to happen and boy oh boy am I right, when something makes me hault in my step, well more like someone who I never thought I would ever see again. Luke.
~ Flashback ~ ( 2 years ago)
We sat at the back of Luke's truck, staring out at the ocean and taking in the silence that stretched between us. It had not been a bad day, well for me, who had to face the kids at school and be under their snarky comments, threatening glares, pranks being played on me, being made fun of ,oh you know the usual bullying.
It got easier with Luke around, no one dared to come near me unless they were too dumb to even try. Luke was the star of the school's baseball and ice hockey team, he just was too good and attractive. Girls were after him while guys secretly envied him but they liked him too, even then he still preferred to have me around then anyone else. We were close friends and I secretly and truly liked him, a lot.
" A couple of girls believe that our friendship is not healthy, that I'm not a good influence on you and your future." I told him.
" That's bull, they know nothing." He said gruffly.
I never dared look at him, even though I could feel his eyes on me, I guess I was too afraid to see his reaction and judging from the tone of his voice, I would bet that he was unhappy.
" Maybe they do know a little something."
I peered my eyes at him from behind my hair. He quirked his brow at me as if in question, so I took that as him telling me to continue, so I continued.
" I'm messed up, I know it and they know it. Maybe deep down you - "
Before I could finish , I was cut off when he turned to face me and cupped my face. He had this determined look flashing in his eyes, making me want to squirm back.
" You are not messed up or are what any of those haters are calling you, listen and listen to me good, you are just going through stuff right now and it may take some time to get over , but you know what?"
" What?" I asked in almost a whisper.
" No matter what , I'll always be here right by your side." He said strongly.
" You promise?" I asked in a quiet tone.
" I promise." He shot me a smile which was only reserved for me and with that I smiled back , he pulled me to his arms and held me close where my arms went around his waist.
With his word, I relaxed and totally and fully believed his word.
~ the next night~
Flashes of bright lights blinded me while I could feel myself being wheeled away, frantic voices sounded all around me while my vision got blurry.
" Please save my daughter!" I could hear my mom say in between sobs.
She sounded so distraught that I wanted to comfort her , but I couldn't because my body weight felt heavy and painful , I couldn't even let out a sound , a way of telling them to get Luke for me. Speaking of Luke, where was he?
Where was Luke?
" Luke." My voice croaked.
That's all that came out of my lips until I finally gave up and let the dark overthrow me.
~ End of Flashback~
Our eyes locked for a minute or so, with nothing being said or being done, we were just frozen in our positions, with me standing still, close to the door while he sat on the edge of his seat. I just didn't know what to do, not that I actually knew what I would say back then while thinking of his return.
Would I be mad , cry or run to his arms?
Those were the questions that were constantly playing in my mind back then, but now here I am, in the same room with Luke and actually seeing him here, in the flesh and all I'm doing is just looking at him.
I watch as he starts rising from his seat until he is stood on his feet. I watch his eyes scan me from my feet to my face and I swear that I want to disappear right now.
" Bea." That's all he says, more like breathes out and that's all it takes for me to spin around, so I can get out of here.
Unfortunately for me, I don't get far when I feel a hand on my wrist, totally preventing me from doing anything.
The contact, I know it so well. It's the same contact that has made me feel safe from those who have hurt me, that has comforted me in my times of need and has given me a sense of hope for a better tomorrow. Even then, I can't let slip the fact that one day, in time of my most need, there was no contact except the sound of machines beaping, the doctor filling fluids in my system and having to face my mother's tear stricken and exhausted face. Atleast she was there and others, but not Luke.
" Bea, please." He sighs , almost sounding defeated.
I would have felt a twinge of guilt but not now when panick is seeping in.
As a response, I pull my hand back and bolt out of there, with out looking back.
I find myself now running yet don't get too far when I crash into a wall, more like a hard chest. I stumble back in shock and before I can lose my footing and fall, I feel hands on my arms, where they prevent me from falling.
" Hey, hey." I hear someone say.
Wait, I know that voice.
I look up and my eyes meet a pair of emereld green eyes , filled with concern as they take in my state.
" Are you okay?" He asks me.
With the answer at the tip of my tongue, we hear footsteps coming towards us.
" Bea ?" Vicky calls out and just like that , the trance I was just in breaks and I step away from him, where his hands fall limply on his sides.
Watching his face, it's got some weird expression which I can't even figure out, more like disappointment.
I don't get to ponder on it when an arm wraps around my shoulders and now I'm moving past him. With another look over Vicky's shoulders, I see him still standing there looking at me, I don't take my eyes off of him until Vicky and I round a corner and with that, I never see him again.
" You're up quite early today." Vicky comments." I'm always early." I say, busy trying to fix up my hair while staring out the window.We remain in silence for a while and after tying my hair up, I turn to face her. She's sitting on my bed, doing nothing but just staring at me." Only one more day left." She says." One more day." I agree.With the silence stretching between us, I go back to sitting on my bed and lean against the wall, now facing her. She shifts a bit so she's now facing me and all we do is keep on passing looks to each other, as if both of us are waiting for each one to say something first." I heard from a little birdie that you had company last night."Patrick.Honestly I'm not really surprised she asked this, because with Vicky, she can't help but want to know things that may concern me. By this, it is
Nothing could have prepared me for this, being on the rooftop with a guy I barely know.I mean why did he bring me here, wait, he doesn't want to murder me does he?Looking around, I notice the small green house, having been placed right at the center, along with benches, pot plants etc.Wow someone has been busy. I'm greatly in awe of the view that one is able to see from up here." Cool right?" He says while he moves about.I don't say anything but just look around before I decide to take a seat on the bench, so I can actually take this all in." Wow." I say to myself." Wow indeed." My head whips to Connor who is now taking a seat next to me." How did you -"" I have my ways." He says confidently." We shouldn't be here." I remind him." I know
Nothing seems to want to come out of my mouth when there's a staring match happening, between the three of us.Thank heavens Vicky is the first one to break the silence. " You have been called by Doctor Anthon." She tells Connor who gives me a sideways glance before he turns on his heel and walks away.Now being left with Vicky, I decide to not fall back into that silence and go inside my room, where she follows behind and I won't be surprised if she questions me of my whereabouts.I throw myself on the bed and stare at the ceiling, letting my body weight to take over. The silence still remains between us and I decide to sit upright on the bed. I see her standing by the door, watching me." New friend?" She finally asks.I shrug, getting up off the bed and walking over to my closet, to search for something to change into. I finally find what I'm looking for, which is a short sleeved grey shirt.I turn to face Vicky ."Is h
My feet are too slow today, it's like they are made of steel or something and I'll explain why I feel this way. All the way from my room, down to the reception area, I have been dragging my feet and it's not by choice but my feet which are like rooted to the ground.It's as if they don't want to move at all while my mom is moving about normally. I watch her talking to doctor Anthon, who's standing by my mom's car with her arms behind her back, giving off a more relaxed and content like expression while she listens to my mom blabber about God knows what.When I said that my feet are too slow I meant it, I'm still standing in the front door, staring at my mom and doctor Anthon.A soft hand touches my shoulder and I already know who it is. I watch the two ladies for a bit, being busy in conversation."You know how bad I am with goodbyes, so I won't say it."" I know." I tell Vicky.
Nothing seems worse then what I had experienced 10 minutes ago. I woke up with me in the emergency room where I was bombarded by people, oh and not just any people, Mom, Vicky, Doctor Anthon and a doctor .I got both a scold and hug from my mom, the doctor telling me of my sugar levels being low and me being dehydrated, oh and that I need to get the necessary foods since my body was still very much small, whatever that meant. Doctor Anthon was just Doctor Anthon, who said a few words apart from Vicky who has not spoken anything.So now it is two hours later and I am sitting on the bed that I was lying on and my mom is just standing by the window, refusing to look at me while we wait for Doctor Anthon to come in." I'm sorry." That's all I manage to say which almost sounds like a whisper.My mom shifts slightly and looks at me. Looking at her now, I see both concern and a bit of hurt deep within. Now
Calm. That's me right about now.I had a fulfilling spiritual therapy and now I'm sitting on a bench outside , enjoying the cool air but of course plans are thrown out the window when I see Connor coming my way.The memory of last night invades my calm thoughts and now regret plays deep within me. Last night shouldn't have happened.I shouldn't have revealed myself so much, having myself exposed and vulnerable and letting him see me so weak. It shouldn't have to be up to him to comfort me and bear my baggage, I just can't do that to him when he too is dealing with his own stuff, I just can't be that selfish.My thoughts soon disappear when I see him standing in front of me and he is smiling at me, not a big smile just a small one." I think I might be in trouble," he says as he takes a seat next to me."Bound to happen." I say and he smirks at me and my lips lift int
It's been 2 days since I last talked to Connor and in all honesty, I feel utterly bored and have been down.I can't blame anyone but me. This is my own doing and now I will have to deal with it.I'm pretty sure that I'll be annoying Vicky soon with how I have been been in these two days. I've withdrawn a little bit and we don't talk as much and that I know greatly, how frustrating it can get for Vicky.I can't lie and say that there isn't that twinge of hurt, when I walk past him or have him avoid me at every chance he gets. It's there and damn it, I can't help but admit to missing him. I still don't get what it is about him that makes trying to put distance between us so hard, I mean we don't exactly know each other but gosh, if I don't miss that boy.Even through my internal battle of trying to suppress any thoughts of him or the fact that I miss him, I can't ignore that I pretty much asked him to stay away from me and to leave me be. I was doing
Nothing seems better than today, being under nice cool weather and having a nice book in hand, to keep me entertained. I'm seated under the same tree that I've sat at, for all these years and just like the last time being here, I feel relaxed and feel like nothing can mess up my mood.I'm all done with my activity and now have nothing better to do but let thoughts of Connor to invade my mind. It's hard not to miss him, even after days have passed, I miss our friendship and just having someone in my corner.Well I may feel all these emotions and fight with my decision of whether to let him back into my life or not, whilst still here at the center. I know that I should do as Vicky had advised and do all I can to actually leave, but leaving seems like my last priority when I think about Connor and our little friendship.Thinking about what I want at the moment, I think back to a time when I'd had those book moments whic