I had nothing my whole life. This place was everything—home, safety, security and warmth. It was all I ever wanted in my life. It doesn’t deserve to be neglected like this. These walls deserve care.Alexi just stands there, infuriatingly quiet, watching me, and I am not sure he even heard me. He just stares as I cry softly and stare at the mirror as though I can will it back into one piece. I am in so much internal pain and distress.‘Alexi!’ I yell at him, bringing myself back to tear my gaze away from the ruins. Frustrated and slamming the boudoir door behind me to close out the stench which is still wafting our way. I have no desire to check the others, and wipe a tear from my cheek that is rolling over my skin.She has destroyed my home. I won’t leave it like this, in the hands of some inadequate hoe bag. I won’t walk away and let it crumble into disrepair. I can practically hear its walls crying out for me to come save it

Staring at the bathroom ceiling as I soak in the tub, feels like heaven on earth. Warm, clean and luxuriating as my aches and pains soothe away in a bath I can actually lay down in. Nothing scratching and poking into my skin under my body and no dirty brown, unhygienic and marginally warm water to contend with.Soft music from the apartment sound system is playing something classical, floating in the air around me as citrus-scented candles burn in the low light and creates the most relaxing atmosphere I have been in for months. I feel like I am a million miles away from the reality of how life was hitting me just twelve hours ago.It’s such a contrast to how I have been living and feels like my prayers have been answered. You truly appreciate things like this after struggling for so long.I’ve missed these rooms, this bathroom and the luxuries that come from being here in this world. I can barely keep my eyes open, fatigue swimming over me from lack

It’s nice to finally be appreciated, even if it’s only because he was losing money. It’s something anyway. From worthless and not wanting me around, to actually being needed on my own merits and skills and nothing pertaining to sex. It gives me a little feeling of something warm, maybe pride and for the first time in my life, I feel a little worthwhile for a talent that has nothing to do with my body or my looks. Something to give that’s more than my flesh and something I can actually care about.‘I will max your card, just pre-warning you.’ I add in afterthought, another little prod at him. I may as well make the most of it while I can and Alexi brings those almost colourless eyes back to mine with another annoyed glance.‘Whatever; just be back before seven. I need to see you before I go. We didn’t finish talking.’I blanch at him.Whatever? He gave me a ten grand limit card, and

My suspicious brain immediately jumps to the worst kind of conclusions and I pale … blood running icy cold through my veins as my breathing labours.The thought that maybe he wants me to finish the job I didn’t do very well last time I put a gun to my head flits through my mind. Maybe he’s arming me so next time I can just do it somewhere alone where he won’t have to sit and watch or feel obliged to intervene.I try to pull my head out of the gutter, but my trembling hands and light head are hitting me with all sorts of warnings. Alexi doesn’t seem fazed at all.‘It’s for you, take it. I need to show you how to handle it.’ He just carries on as though he’s oblivious to my complete freak-out.‘I don’t want it!’ It’s out as fast as a lightning bolt, panic hitting hard, and no matter what he has going on in that clever head I am avoiding it at all costs.‘I don’

I went to bed earlier than I intended to last night, unable to deal with knowing he could turn up with some random slut and I wanted to be asleep before he did. I downed two sleeping pills to make sure I was oblivious to any sexual moaning or appearance of his playthings and woke up groggy before getting down here as fast as I could. I had no intention of awkward morning greetings either and even though I am tired and feeling listless, I submerge myself into sorting the club out.It’s cleaner and the brewery is restocking the basement as we speak. I have cases of foreign booze being shipped in and the kitchen is being filled with fresh ingredients to feed the staff. Joanne had stopped that service the second I was out the door, meaning no food was supplied at any point from the girls coming on or leaving twelve hours later.It’s a gruelling shift and not exactly convenient to pop out for takeout, and she should have thought about that before she started hav