I jolt awake. Mace. I spring out of the bed and race to the connecting door to his room, only to rush back to my room to check his crib. One look at him and a rush of air escapes my lips. We moved his crib here because I have become obsessed with listening to his heartbeat. I have lost count of how often. But I do it as often as I breathe.Cradling him in my arms, I perch on the edge of the bed and watch my little one. His lips pucker, and he makes a cute sound only babies can make as he stretches his tiny arms. My baby. I sway from left to right to assure him he’s okay when his eyes open. Blues the same colour as his father’s stare up at me. He blinks and my heart does a flip. It doesn’t hurt to look into his blues but it hurts to have a physical reminder of my heartbreak. It’s kind of fucked up. He left with my heart but Mace is piecing me back. “Mama. Mama is here,” I mutter when Mace continues staring.A

Mace will not stop crying.  I hold up his maraca, shake it to calm the little man but he flails his arms and lets out another ear-splitting scream. I try to rock him but it doesn’t work. Frustrated, I exit the room with the crying boy in my arms.  Soft music booms from Amelia’s speakers. I stomp all the way to the living room where she’s seated on the floor while working on her laptop. I clear my throat, she takes one look at me and her godson, then the music goes off.  “What happened?” she asks.  Trying to pry Mace off me is futile. He won’t stop crying and he won’t let anyone carry him. I sit on the couch and she follows suit. “Cathy? What happened?” she asks.  “I don’t know.” Mace stops crying long enough to catch his breath. Tears coat his lower lashes, he blinks and my heart breaks. “Mama doesn’t like it when you cry, Macey. Please, don’t cry. Stop crying, okay?”  Amelia squats in front of the

Life is a bitch. Tell me why this new guy we have welcomed into our lives adores Calum Dissick. The one man I want to forget. He also plays the guitar, another punishment. Amelia smiles at Jason strumming his guitar in preparation to serenade Mace. I clear my throat and she looks away but I don’t miss the pink coating her cheeks. She’s a goner. It’s amusing and annoying. Amusing because it’s a first for her, for us. Amelia has never dated. It’s annoying because now her attention is divided to create time for him. Mace rocks on his knees and hands, he might begin crawling soon. I pry the toy in his hand and drop him on my lap but he expresses his desire to be on the floor by making gurgling sounds. Jason laughs. He’s so annoying. Not really. But whatever. He drops his guitar on the floor to carry Mace.“They look so cute together,” Amelia says. She’s annoying too. She invited Jason ove

“Have you checked your video?” Jason asks.“What video?” Jason pats his guitar one last time, then hands it over for me to repeat the strokes he played earlier. My mind is foggy as my fingers touch a string. He slides down to the floor in front of the couch I’m seated, legs pushing up and arms folded on his knees.“The TicToc video,” he replies. They were able to convince me to upload it. Now my face is out there on the internet for anyone to see. “Are you sure you don’t need to create an Instaagram account? You can repost your TicToc videos to the app.” “No, thanks. I’m fine.” I send a look of help to Amelia. She curls in the single sofa, her smile spreading as she nods for me to start.I don’t want to fill my head with negatives, but Amelia doesn’t seem okay. Not to me. My fingertips brushes the chord and a soft sound travels through the air. She

CALUMMama Mace blocked me. Either that or she no longer exists on TicToc. It’s my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have liked that video with my main account. I search for the name and username but nothing shows up. I refresh the page. Same result. People that are not her. More usernames with digits. I close the app and open BC. GC is strictly for girls and I’m not about to pretend to be some girl seeking for help. I need her to know it’s me when she sees the post. What are the odds she will? I guess I’ll have to keep making those posts to find out. I massage my neck, turn my head to the left, then the right, until I hear a crack. Much better. I’m home alone. Sam invited me to his flat since Lucas was coming over to play games, but I refused. I need answers. Mum can help. I banish that thought as fast as it comes. I’m not talking to her. She knew and she didn’t say anythin