That night, as we lay down on the bed, I realized that I had never apologized to Rai. I had to apologize for everything that happened between Damian and me. I wanted him to know how sorry I was, even though my apology was a bit late than it should’ve been. I should’ve apologized to him after he saw me with Damian, but there were just too many things happening after that, and I was still unsure how I felt about them. But now, as I had made up my mind, I needed to apologize to him. “Rai..” I started saying. “Yes, Princess?” He asked as he caressed my hair. “Rai.. I’m so sorry. I know that I should’ve said this sooner. I’m so sorry for everything that happened between Damian and me. I’m sorry that I thought I was in love with him. I love you, Rai. I love you.. Way more than I love Damian. Please forgive me. I don’t think I can live if you don’t forgive me. So please, Rai, forgive me. I promise it won’t happen again. Please believe me, Rai,” I pleaded to him, not able to look him in th

For the next few days, everything was normal. Rai was himself, though he never let me go no matter what. And Damian was Damian, joking around and smirking. Seemed like he had buried his feelings for me too. I knew my feelings for Damian would fade away with time, at least I hoped so.   I noticed that Rai seldom ate his food, which worried me.   “Damian, is Rai really alright? He seldom eats. He looks pale and is skinnier now. Should I be worried?” I asked Damian with worried.   “He’s just tired, Baby girl. You know that he’s busy right? Always talking on the phone. I guess it stresses him out.” Damian pulled me close and kissed my forehead.   Being in Damian’s arms really was comforting, especially when I was worried about Rai. I just sighed and tried to believe that nothing was wrong with Rai.   ***   We were having our lunch when Nat showed up with a huge p

We spent the next few days happily, normal. Rai was able to join us more, though he was still sleeping a lot.   Rai kept hugging me, and Damian sometimes told me he loved me when he thought Rai was not looking. I couldn’t say I loved him too, as I didn’t want to hurt Rai anymore. Damian seemed to understand as he never asked me about my feelings.   One day, as we were watching tv, me in-between Rai and Damian, Rai asked me if I wanted to live someplace else, not Indonesia.   Of course I said yes. I wanted to live in Melbourne.   “Why Melbourne, Princess? Why not Paris or any other place?” he asked curiously.   “Hmmm.. You know I spent a few years in Melbourne, right?” I asked both Rai and Damian.   Both of them nodded.   “I just love the city. It is slow-paced, the people are friendly, and I love it during springtime; not too cold for me.

One night while we were home, watching tv with Damian, just two days before Rai needed to go to Bali, Damian asked a kind of, not bizarre, but a bit unusual question.   “Kat, Baby girl, do you like children?” Damian asked me.   “Of course. I love children, without a doubt. I like being close to children. So, of course, I want to have my own. I’m one of those women who actually want to know how it feels to be pregnant, to carry a life inside me. I even want to have natural birth rather than Cesarean birth,” I told him, smiling softly.   “Natural birth? It’s excruciating, isn’t it?” He asked me again.   “So they said. But I want to experience the whole process, including all the pain. Most women I know will opt for Cesarean, but I don’t. If I can, though. My body is small, so I don’t know if the doctor will allow it.” I smiled again.   It was true. Most Chinese-Indonesians would ra

The following day - the morning before Rai needed to go to Bali, he woke me up and informed me that he needed to run some errands, but he’d be back soon. As I had not slept much, I slept a little bit more.   When I woke up, Rai was still nowhere to be found, but Damian was. This is the time to ask Damian about last night, I thought.   I went to sit on the sofa with Damian; as usual, Damian circled his arm around me, kissing me on the cheek.   “Damian?” I asked while finding comfort in his arm.   “Hmm?” He caressed my hand with his thumb.   “I think Rai is overwhelmed by the businesses he needs to take care of. Last night he cried and said that it hurt,” I said, sighing, pulling myself closer to Damian.   “Rai cried?” Damian asked, shocked; his thumb stopped caressing my hand.   “Yeah.. Could you maybe call his parents about it?” I asked h