I lay my head down on my pillow, exhaustion making my limbs heavy. It is only eight o’clock, but after the week I have had, I feel shattered. I am alone, as I have been most of the week. Taylor has been preparing for his trip to South America, and so he has been leaving most mornings before I have woken up, and arriving after I have fallen into bed. I suggested that he stay in London, but he insisted that he wanted to sleep beside me each night. Our argument, still unresolved, has been the pink elephant in the room that we are both studiously ignoring while pretending everything is fine. Taylor, however, did make it to my first midwife appointment. Taylor had arranged for a sonogram, even though you don’t usually have one until twelve weeks. But I guess that is the advantage of having a boyfriend that insists on private health care. As we lay there listening to the heartbeat of our baby, staring at the strange little blob on the screen, the tears rolled down my face. When I glanced a

As much as I resented my parents for forcing me into a general business degree, I can’t help but be grateful for everything that I learnt during my course. I still feel out of my depth, but as least the terror has subsided to mild fear. Once upon a time, the idea of dealing with Council bureaucrats would have brought me out in hives, but all I feel now is pride that I have managed to push through all my paperwork with minimal fuss, and now all I am waiting for is the final inspections once the works have been completed. Which, with my amazing powers of persuasion, and maybe the promise of some cakes to try, I have managed to schedule for Friday afternoon. Awesome. My next call is to a local artists group with who I have been chatting about exhibiting some of their work. They were keen enough when we started talking, but now that I actually have an opening date, I need to pin down something to put on our newly painted walls. Otherwise, the café will just end up looking a little grey a

“Today I am yours, Abs. We have barely spent any time together, and I have missed you. So whatever you want to do is good with me.” Taylor’s voice has turned low and positively sexy, and now my body is no longer trembling with fear but anticipation instead. “Hmmm, what am I going to do without you?” I murmur. “Hmmm, indeed. Well, I have a couple of ideas,” Taylor responds. “Oh you do, do you?” I counter, enjoying this game. “I think I might have to show you, though,” Taylor suggests, his voice husky with his own arousal. Gently Taylor takes my hand and starts to manoeuvre it so that my fingertips brush across my body. Goosebumps stipple my flesh in response as he guides my hand lower and lower. When at last my fingers brush my downy bush, I resist for the first time. I have an inkling of what Taylor wants me to do, but I have actually never done this before, and fear of the unknown has me flush with embarrassment and avoiding Taylor’s eyes. “Don’t be nervous…” Taylor pleads gent

I don’t think I will ever forget the looks on everyone’s faces when Taylor explained about Richard’s threats towards me. The fury in both my parents’ eyes, along with the anger expressed by Andreas and Bea, who I now think of as family, made me realise that, in all of this, I am no longer alone. I have people who care about me and who will fight for me. It makes me realise that in those dark moments when I was holding a knife to my wrists, the desolation and emptiness that drove me to cut was not the end but really a beginning. It took so much courage for Taylor to talk about his own past as well, and I think for the first time everyone was able to fully understand Taylor’s treatment of me. I know my parents had tried to understand why he dumped me the way he did and, in their own way, letting him get away with it to make me happy, but I finally see forgiveness in their eyes. No one really touches their food during the revelations, and I think it is only me who actually notices. I

I study the ring on my finger, wondering what people are going to say when I tell them that I am engaged. I am amazed that Taylor managed to get the sizing right considering I don’t wear rings, and my weight has certainly fluctuated. Being pregnant, I think most people will assume that this is the logical next step, but I still can’t quite believe that he actually told me he loved me. I glance at the clock sitting above the reception desk in Dr Grohl’s office and realise that I still have a couple of minutes to go before our session. I am nervous about how David is going to react as I know I should not be making big changes while I am still so early on in my treatment. But it is not like I can take it back now. I can only guess how hard it was for Taylor to say those words to me given that the last person that Taylor loved, his ex-girlfriend Hannah, committed suicide after Richard messed with her head. David’s receptionist lets me know that he is ready for me, so I make my way into