Chapter 2

A year ago...

Here I am. 

Standing nearby the cliff that changed almost every aspect of me means being stabbed by thousands of daggers. A high humidity wet grassland just beneath my feet and the smell of Mid-June air is evident. It has been three years, yet until now, everything is still haunting my system.

Ang hirap pala.

Ang hirap tanggapin na wala na 'yong isa sa mahahalagang taong naniniwala sa kakayahan mo. I tried to forget about it, however, to no avail. I even lost interest in playing. Sleepless nights, books I've read dozens of times, the last thing I've heard before everything happened were just some of my company for the past few years. And yet the pain, the longing, it's still here, as if it's living in me.

Every 13th of June, going here is my thing, bringing a bunch of yellow tulips and tossing it down to the cliff. It has been a routine to the point that this day, I went here absentmindedly. Kung iniisip mong baliw ako, then so be it. But I'm telling you, if you're in my position, you'll probably act the same way. 

"Miss! Sandali!"

That stopped me from being lost in thought. But the next thing that happened swept me off my feet, literally. Naramdaman ko ang init ng katawan ng kung sinong humila sa akin. Brown eyes. Curly brown hair. Thick eyebrows. Delicate thin pink lips. An innocent look. He got a vibe that's so welcoming. 

My hands on the grass supporting my body not to occupy the shallow space between us are trembling and I can't even process what is happening right now. Who is this guy?! Padala ba 'to ng langit? Nasa langit na ba ako? Pero bakit nahahawakan ko s'ya? So hindi pa ako patay?

He groaned. That's when I knew he's real and I've been on his top for too long now. It made me blush and I know right now, in his mind, he's thinking I'm kind of attracted to him, which is not.

Hindi lang ako sanay. We're staring at each other's eyes as if we'll know each other's story by doing so. Until, I gave up, and with the remaining strength I have, I stood and acted as if nothing happened. I didn't even bother to look at him. 

He sighed. "Miss, alam m-"

"Shut up." Confrontations like this is irritating. 

Napangiwi s'ya doon at saka itinaas ang dalawang kamay bilang pagsuko. "Chill ka lang Miss, kung ano man 'yan, pwede naman sigurong mapag-usapan, diba? 

That made the side of my lips rise. That suggestion sucks. "And who are you?"

He lend his hand to me as if I asked for his name. Foolish. "Nice to meet you, I'm Prime."

That made me get irritated even more. "You know what, umalis ka na lang" I paused, "hindi n'yo ako maiintindihan."

Narinig ko sarkastiko n'yang tawa na s'yang naging dahilan ng pagkunot ng aking noo. I wanna ask him, 'Am I a joke to you?', but I chose to stay silent. 

"Paano ko maiintindihan kung hindi mo naman sinasabi? At saka Miss, totoo naman talagang masama ang magpakamatay."

What? Magpakamatay? So he's thinking I'll end my life? Well yeah, that's a good idea, but I don't think I can do that. 

"Who told you I will jump here?" I said, amused, as I pointed beneath the cliff. 

"Ay hindi ba Miss? Akala ko tatalon ka, sayang pala 'yong pagligtas ko sa'yo, nagblush ka pa tuloy."

What the hell?! Ako? Nag-blush?!

"Can you just leave? I want to be alone." I said, emphasizing every word. Hindi pa ako nakakamove-on sa pagpapahiya n'ya sa akin, hindi s'ya nakakatuwa. 

"Pasensya na Miss, napadaan lang din ako, nakita kita, akala ko tatalon ka kaya pinuntahan kita dito."

In my mind, I'm already rolling my eyes pero pinigilan ko dahil baka makaaway ko pa ang lalaking ito. "Umalis ka na. You're irritating."

I felt a sudden pain in his eyes. I should've stopped myself from saying those. Tsk. I hate it every time I lose control. It's like the shitty words are overflowing and my mouth would just choose which one to utter. 

Pilit na ngiti ang iginawad n'ya doon. "Alam mo Miss, hindi masamang ngumiti. Maganda ka, pero alam kong mas maganda ka kung nakangiti."

Riding his motorcycle, he left me, dumbfounded. He's like a thunderbolt that hit my insides. But I need not get affected by how people think of me. I should not give them a damn. 

My phone beeped. It made me collect myself from what happened a while ago. Then there I saw the name. 

Shillem:

Hoy babae! Bakit mo 'ko iniwan huhu. Manonood sana ako ng practice n'yo hmp. Hays, love kita kahit gan’yan ka

Shillem and I have been best friends since we were in high school. She's too cheerful while I'm the opposite. Maybe that's one of the reasons why we became so close. 

Our parents were business partners but she's supporting her financial needs. She has a part-time job at a coffee shop owned by her family. Lagi n'yang sinasabi, she needs to strive hard for herself and learn how life works. I admire her a lot, the bravery she has is just so amazing. Sana gano'n din ako katapang sa kanya. 

To: Shillem

Next time na lang babae, may dinaanan pa ako. Isasama kita sa susunod, promise. Ingat pauwi! Love you!

After sending that text, I made my way to EXPO, the bar where we usually hold our practice at. It's only half-past five and the gig starts at eight. In the meantime, I set aside that encounter a while ago and focused on walking. EXPO is just a few blocks away from the cliff and doesn't require riding a vehicle. 

It's a two-story building owned by Mommy Delia. Everyone calls her that way. She's a middle-aged woman, black pixie hair, almond eyes, and has undeniably sexy body despite her age. Hindi naman kataka-taka 'yon dahil dala ng pagpupursigi na masuklian ang sakripisyo ng kanyang pamilya ay hindi na s'ya nakapag-asawa. 

We've known her for years and the gossip about old maidens is not true. Hindi lahat ng matatandang dalaga ay masungit at suplada. Mommy Delia is the living evidence. 

"Gail, anak! Naku, kanina ka pa hinahanap nina Brix," sinalubong n'ya ako sa may pintuan ng EXPO. 

"Hi Mommy! May dinaanan lang po ako," I said, smiling. 

She nodded as if she knows where I came from, "O s'ya, sige na, magpractice na kayo doon. Medyo maaga ang set-up ngayon, maraming negosyante ang nagpareserve."

Napatango na lamang ako sa kanyang sinabi at saka ay nagtungo na sa kinaroroonan ng mga ka-banda ko. One thing I really like about Mommy Delia is her hospitality. Kadalasan sa mga owner ng bars, hindi nakikihalubilo sa mga banda, but she's too down to earth to the point that she treats us as if she's our biological mother. 

"Gail! Ang tagal mo! May surprise kami sa'yo!"

That prickled my interest. Brix is too excited. Ano namang surprise? May battle of the bands kaya or bagong schedule ng events? 

Then, it occurred to me that it's not something. It's someone. 

"Meet Prime Valencia! Pinsan ni Jew, bago nating front-man!" Brix is giggling when he introduced the man on the right side of the stage, connecting his guitar to the amplifier. 

The next few seconds were a moment of silence. I hate it. The man I saw a while ago! The man who humiliated me! He is here, and I know I'm dead. I know I'll be living the rest my of life dealing with him! Bakit s'ya pa?! 

Sa totoo lang, marunong namang kumanta si Jew e, akala ko nga ay hindi na sila naghahanap. 

"Hi. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, ikinagagalak kong makilala ka." Inilahad niya ang kamay sa direksyon ko. 

It's suffocating. That man and I, on the same band, would probably be a disaster. 

I stared at his hand, avoided his stare, and made my way to my spot leaving him confused. As if naman papansinin ko s'ya. No way! 

It was a moment of awkwardness but thanks to Jew, he was able to break the silence. "Practice na! Ito 'yong line-up para mamayang gabi.” He distributed the line up to each one of us. 

I noticed that he got the voice. He even plays the guitar really well. He's a perfect choice for being a front-man but not a perfect choice to be in a band with, at least not for me. Hindi ko gusto ang presensiyaa n'ya. 

We're in the middle of playing when Jew stopped, and like him, we did the same. "Gail, okay ka lang ba? Walang kontrol 'yong hampas mo, masyadong madiin."

"Sorry... medyo naparami lang siguro 'yung kain ko ng chocolate kanina..."

"Sige, 10-minute break muna tayo!" 

I want to slap myself for being out of focus. Why am I being like this? Who's him in the first place?

A short while passed when I noticed a figure approaching in my direction. He's coming. He's going here and how I wish he's not. Hindi magandang ideya ang kausapin s'ya. Not now.

"Miss, kung gusto mo akong hampasin, gawin mo lang." Lumapit s'ya at hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko makuhang tumitig sa mga mata n'ya. 

"Layuan mo 'ko." I never expected to say that. It was out of nowhere. Kung may portal lang sa bar na ito papunta sa ilalim ng lupa, pumasok na siguro ako agad. Pero wala e, wala akong choice kung hindi ang harapin s'ya kahit ayaw ko. 

"Ginagawa mo ba 'yan sa lahat?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Pagtulak sa mga tao ng walang dahilan?"

"Why do you care?" I said, confused by his words. 

"Kasi hindi ka naman magkaka-ganyan kung walang malalim na rason."

It made me lost of words as if what he said is sunrise, it woke me up.