Chapter 13: RYDER

The last few months have been hell. I kept playing her song over and over again for hours. It was the only thing I had of her, the only thing giving me joy. Thank fuck for AirPods and my ability to pretend because Janie had started trying to control even that until I yelled at her so loudly, she almost fell back from the force.

I think I saw real fear in her eyes that day. I'm not sure if she was afraid of me hitting her, something I'd never done, or if she'd realized something else she should be afraid of. I'm not sure how long it was gonna take for her to see the hate I felt for her.

Of course, I've done my best to hide it from her; I'm not such a dick that I can blame her entirely for the mess I'd made of my life. But there were days when I looked at her, and it was hard to keep the hate and dislike hidden.

I hadn't seen Elena since that night at the award show, but it seems like I'm hearing about her more and more of late. She's on the front of every magazine and seems to be the s