Chapter Nine

Belle's definition of trying to move forward with her life was to drown herself in an impossible workload as a full-time photographer-creative director and a full-time mother. Rather a busy time, but this lack of news bothered her.

Has he already given up? Or is this the kind of silence one would experience before a storm comes?

It has made her anxious. Every phone call from an unknown number and those unexpected doorbells made her uneasy. Even Preston was keeping quiet.

"Belle, you're staring at the screen for too long. Are you okay?" The assistant director, Yuan, asked. 

"I'm sorry. There's just something on my mind, but I promise the quality of my work is not affected."

Looking at the quality of her shots, it must be true. Even with a lot of change, her ambition for hunger and learning remains. 

Like a true friend, Yuan could see that something was bothering Belle, even with those laser-focused eyes. "I'm not worried about that, but you've been like this since you came back from your vacation. Makes me doubt if that was even a vacation."

"I wouldn't call it that too, for sure. It was chaos, a trip to hell."

"Do you want to talk about it? We may be co-workers, but we're also friends, you know."

She gave Yuan an assuring smile and told her what she had been repeatedly telling herself. "There's nothing I can't handle. You know that. Don't worry. I got this." 

"Belle?"

"Yes?"

The intern didn't need to answer. When she looked in her direction, a familiar face came into view. Someone she hoped she would never see again and, at the same time, someone whose presence she had been anticipating.

Some lights from the shoot were turned off and everyone was getting ready to wrap up and go home. Nikolai's timing was just impeccable. Even at times like this, heaven still gives him a chance for a grand entrance.

"We can talk at the cafe outside," Belle said. She didn't want to admit it, but she knew this was bound to happen.

"So, what exactly are your plans?" She tried to be nonchalant, like this is a business meeting and nothing more.

"You know why I'm here."

"I can't read your mind, Nikolai. You have to tell me exactly why you're here."

Belle couldn't even muster the courage to grab the cup of coffee before her. He could see how much her hand is shaking and how nervous she is right now.

"The kid." Nikolai finally said. "My child."

There goes the slight pang in her heart. In her head, she already threw the cup of coffee in Nikolai's face.

"You don't believe that he's your child?" Saying these words almost felt like drinking poison. "Don't worry, Nikolai. I won't force you to believe. I am not even asking you for anything. You saw me. I have a job. I am doing fine on my own."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then, what do you mean?"

"I want to be part of his life."

The emotionless mask she had put on was slowly slipping away. Her eyes were rapidly blinking as Belle tried to stop a single teardrop fall. Not here. Not in front of him. She shouldn't be weak in front of him.

It's just that hearing those words has been her dream in the beginning. Nikolai is part of their child's life. That has always been a dream. Ah, no. It has always been a nightmare disguised as a dream.

"What will be the arrangement? How long did you even travel from the US to here? Will things even work?" She asked. Even if it was what Nikolai wanted, it would be hard.

"We're his family. We can make this work."

"Family," she scoffed as she remembered how they treated each other. "You shouldn't be worried about our relationship. As you can remember, we are already divorced."

"We're not."

Belle's world stopped. Did he say those words? Did she hear it clearly?

"We are what?"

"We're not divorced." Nikolai finally said. He looked straight into her eyes, trying to prove the truth of the words he just said.

"That's impossible. You sent me the papers. I signed the papers. How are we not divorced then?"

"It was never finalized. It never reached the court."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Nikolai." The reason why her hand was shaking now was because of anger. She hid her tightly closed fist under the table to stop herself from making a scene. "You… you served me papers. I signed it without asking for any revision, scared that your folks might think I'm in for the money, and you're telling me now that what? We're not divorced?"

"All this time, I have been thinking, trying to list all the reasons why you never told me we have a child together. I know I'm in the wrong, but don't act like you're always in the right, Belle."

"You can't take back what you said. You wished the pregnancy that brought us together didn't happen."

She can feel her facade fading. Belle's genuine emotion starts to show as she begins to cry.

"You know that's not what I mean. I wanted a child."

"But not with me, Nick. You didn't want a baby with me. So, what do you expect me to do? Force myself again in your life? Ruin our lives again? Why would I even read a story knowing fully well how it would end?"

"I want to do better this time. It's not going to be the same."

This conversation felt like deja vu, like the conversation they had when they decided to get married. That time, it was Nikolai who was hesitant that things would work. Belle was the one who promised it would. Her ignorance made her turn a blind eye to the fact that it takes two for a marriage to work. That it takes more than the need to fulfill a responsibility for a marriage to last.

Love wasn't even in the equation. That alone was enough warning to know that they were about to make a big mistake.

In the middle of the silent sobs and the desperation, Nickolai's phone starts to ring.

Stella calling… 

The picture of Stella's child was on the screen.

"Answer that," Belle said and looked away. It kept on ringing despite Nikolai purposely ignoring the call. He was about to decline the call when Belle demanded. "Answer the damn phone."

The phone wasn't on loudspeaker, but as he answered, they heard the sob of a young child. "Daddy," he cried. "Daddy, Mom's in the hospital. Daddy, help."

Not going to act foolish this time, Belle walked away. Accepting the fact that years ago, Nikolai had already made his choice, and obviously, it wasn't her.