We were seated at Damian’s usual table once we reached the restaurant. Damian pulled my seat toward him, but not nearly as close as before, though he could still touch my knee. A few minutes later, we were joined by two elderly gentlemen. Damian made the introductions and referred to me as his girlfriend just like before. We all shook hands and took our seats as a waiter placed the menus in front of us. Damian and the gentlemen talked about some current political issues while I just sat there being pretty for him. When our food arrived, they started talking about their business while Damian’s hand squeezed my knee. I managed to stop my body from jerking.   I remembered his words in the car and realized what he was saying was true. My body was anticipating him to touch me, and it was driving me crazy. I tried hard not to let emotions show, even when his hand started moving higher to my thigh. My heart was beating fast, my palms sweaty. Whenever his hand caressed

The next few days, Damian was distant. He pulled himself away for me. He was mostly silent, only talking to me if I asked him questions. Even then, his answers were always short and curt. I wanted to ask him why - why would he do that when he knew I was his? But I was too afraid of him pulling himself even further away. I didn’t want to think too much of the way he acted. He still stayed with me in my place, we still slept together, and he always cooked breakfasts for us. We would go to meetings together too, either to his or mine. He had synchronized our meeting schedules. Our days were mostly filled with meetings. Every morning, I always found him in my study, looking at our picture with the same pained expression. Sometimes I even thought I saw tears roll down his eyes. Did he miss Rai as much as I missed Rai? I hadn’t really thought about how he was feeling being left by his best friend. I was too busy with the way I felt tha

“Hi, mom. So sorry, did we interrupt lunch?” I kissed Rai’s mom’s cheeks as we arrived.   “It’s okay, dear. Leah is taking a nap at the moment. We have prepared lunch for you and Damian.” She kissed my cheeks back.   “Damian, please put little Rai’s things in our bedroom. And do join us after.” They exchanged kisses.   “Mommy!” Little Rai ran to me when he saw us approaching.   I hugged him so hard that he wriggled away from me.   “I’ve missed you, honey. How have you been? Have you been a good boy to grandma and grandpa?” I looked at him and kissed his forehead. I’ve missed my little boy so much.   “I miss you too, Mommy. I’ve been good. You can ask grandma and grandpa.” He smiled boyishly at me.   “Let’s eat and tell Mommy what you’ve been doing with grandma and grandpa.” I led him back to the dining table, kissing Rai’s dad’s cheeks as

Walking through the mall, many people told me how cute and handsome little Rai was and how he looked like his daddy, Damian. I guessed attractive men and children looked alike. We just thanked them, not even bohtering to correct them. Little Rai was so happy with all the compliments that he started to call Damian ‘Daddy’. I tried to tell him not to, but he was so happy that I couldn’t say no. Instead, I told him he could only call Damian ‘Daddy’ for today, and he agreed. Damian was also okay with it.                                                    Seeing little Rai and Damian happy made me happy too. Being with Cole, I was never this happy. He was just there at the right time, filling a void that Rai and Damian had lef

“Hello, Rai. How are you?” I asked him as I placed a similar-looking red and white rose bouquet that I had brought for him the first time I went to see him. “I’m here today to tell you something..” I started. “Rai, I love you. You know that, right? But you are not here anymore. Your mom told me that it’ll be okay for me to be with Damian, but I don’t know if I deserve him. He asked me to go to Bali with him. What do you think, Rai? Can I go to Bali with him?” I stopped for a while, not really knowing what else to say. “I know you wrote that I should be happy with him, but the guilt that I feel, Rai.. It’s not something that I can just shake off. You were sick, yet I added more to your pain. Tell me how to get rid of this guilt, Rai,” I whispered to his tombstone. “Now Damian has changed.. A lot. Most of the time, he would j