I AM THE OTHER WOMAN

Perhaps I would’ve been in less pain if I were to have confessed to my sister about everything. Even though I kept reconsidering it repeatedly, I couldn’t find the courage to put my thoughts into action. I wasn’t ready to face the heartbreak and scrutiny that would follow the revelation.

Having realized how I was the other woman in my sister's marriage, I was anything but keen on having my breakfast. Keeping, thus, my head down, I appeared unmotivated as I walked out of my room and descended the stairs to reach the dining hall. There, I found my parents having their breakfast with the very person I’d kill to avoid, my older sister. She jumped out of her chair to see me and spread her arms while approaching me.

My heart wreaked havoc in my chest, because of my conscience. I knew I had done an injustice to her by sleeping with her husband. The guilt, therefore, made it excruciating to accept her tender embrace. Nonetheless, I did it to avoid raising any suspicions.

As soon as we separated, she offered me a painful smile before asking me, “Do you have a minute to spare?”

“Definitely,” I answered in the affirmative, as my classes started no earlier than noon that day. “But, what is it about?”

While eying my inquisitive parents, who were more than interested in knowing what could’ve bothered her, my sister declared, “I’ll tell you when we’re alone.”

She then grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from the scene. It was when we reached our backyard, she let go of me before asking me, “Do you think I’m ugly?”

The query left me with an open mouth and wide eyes. Anne had a good stature, a curvy body and attractive features. From when we were younger, people preferred to call her more beautiful than me. That’s why I was taken aback a little when she asked me if I thought she was ugly.

“What do you mean? You have such beautiful brown hair, comforting hazel eyes and golden skin,” I demanded more clarification because I failed to understand what she meant.

Uncomfortable at first, she struggled to provide a quick response. After exerting a long breath, she attempted to achieve the necessary composure before speaking, “I don’t think my husband desires me.”

“Why would you say that?” I pretended to be oblivious to the tension that existed between Noah and my older sister.

Grabbing my hands, she came closer to me and began weeping, something I hadn’t seen in years. My guilt amassed, as I felt I was the reason behind her tears. With a trembling voice, I asked her, “What makes you think Noah doesn’t desire you?”

She let go of me, and wiped her eyes with her handkerchief before responding, “He never tries to touch me, or makes any effort to talk to me.”

“Maybe it’s because of work,” I argued, wiping the sweat beads that covered my forehead.

“Even on Valentine’s Day?” questioned the disappointed one. “He could’ve at the very least sent me flowers.”

I knew from the very beginning how Noah’s entanglement with me would mess up his marriage, yet there was nothing I could've done to dissuade him from pursuing me. Even though our relationship was purely sexual, his marriage to my sister had to bear the brunt of the costs.

“Why don’t you try discussing the same with your husband?” I suggested, thinking that might bring a change in their relationship.

“I tried to approach him multiple times, but he never paid my sorrows any attention, deeming I was overthinking everything,” responded Anne, settling down on a desk beside us.

Joining her on the desk, I placed my hand on my aching heart before asking her, “Why don’t you plan out a date with him? Wouldn’t that bring you two closer?”

My sister’s eyes lit up, as she began considering taking Noah out on a romantic getaway. Even when I genuinely wanted to help my sister, the thought of Noah and my sister together left me heartbroken. That feeling was unfair. He was her husband. I had no right to be upset about them being in love.

No matter what I told myself, I felt a gut-wrenching pain when my sister revealed, “I plan on extending our family soon. That way, he might begin showering me with love and affection again.”

I wanted to support my sister, but the hurt that I felt just wouldn’t let me open my mouth. My throat was dry, and my eyes got a little wet, imagining Noah holding my sister’s hand and loving her. It was as if someone had punched me in the gut. The pain was unbearable.

Unintentionally, I had a mournful expression on my face. No matter how much I wanted to look anything but bothered, I just couldn’t take control of my feelings, something that didn’t escape my sister’s eyes.

She, therefore, asked me, “Are you teary-eyed because of me? Did I share too much? Did I overwhelm you with my problems?”

“No, it’s not your fault,” I answered, forcing a smile. “I have been down lately for no clear reason. Maybe I need to get away for a few days.”

“I am sorry. I know it’s already hard on you, yet I keep bugging you with my problems,” apologized Anne, believing her problems were the reason behind my deepening frown.

“Aren’t we sisters? If not me, then who are you going to talk about your issues?” I asked, clarifying how her complaints didn’t bother me.

The source of my pain wasn’t her complaints. It arose from the realization of what I had done. I was aware of my mistakes and how they had forever altered my relationship with both Noah and my sister. There was now nothing that I could’ve done to fix the rift that prevailed between the two of us.

“Even though you’re saying that, I know something is not right between us,” suggested my sister, trying to address the elephant in the room. “Have you not been avoiding me lately?”

“If it’s about not answering your calls, then let me tell you I was doing it because I wasn’t feeling well,” I lied, unwilling to reveal the cause behind my actions. “It’s not just you. I haven’t called Seth because of the same.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked my sister, grabbing my hands. “I’m sure I might be able to suggest something.”

I knew that there was no way in which I could forgive myself. I had committed an unpardonable sin, something that I struggled to acknowledge, let alone discuss with my sister. Anxiously, thus, I shook my head and spoke, “I need to deal with this on my own.”

Defeated, my sister let go of my hands before asking me, “Will you continue to avoid my calls? Or, would you be willing to start a conversation with me if things continue to overwhelm you?”

“I’ve been unfair to you,” I recognized my fault. “I’ll try to be more transparent next time.”

After the confession, we held each other again and promised to include the other person more in our lives. Since I knew how much it mattered to her that I shared my heart with her more, I had to agree to it. Though there were still things that I’d rather not say.

“Although I mightn’t be correct in my assumption, I think I know why you disappeared on the day of my wedding,” said Anne, letting go of me and looking straight into my eyes.

I panicked, and asked her, “Why do you think I left?”

“You were annoyed with our parents’ unwillingness to acknowledge you, weren’t you?” suggested Anne, certain that our parents' aloofness towards me drove me away from the wedding.

My sister wasn’t right, but I was glad that that was the case. I couldn’t put the words out of my mouth that might reveal the real reason behind my disappearance, because I knew it would shatter my sister’s heart. I, therefore, agreed with it, “That was indeed the case.”

“If only you would’ve talked to me instead of abandoning me, I would’ve tried to highlight our parents’ mistakes and make some difference in their behaviour,” assured my sister.

I felt my chest hurting, as the heap of lies that I had buried myself in continued to grow. There was, however, little to nothing that I could’ve done to change it. That awareness painted a sour smile on my face, something that prevented my sister from forcing me to talk more.

“I am glad I got some closure,” said Anne before asking me to leave for the university. “You should go now, or you’ll be late.”

Nodding, I walked away from her, replaying everything that we had just discussed. Having let myself down by constantly lying to my sister, the only source of affection in my life, I found it hard to keep moving forward. I, therefore, went into a coffee shop and settled on one of the tables to acquire some much-needed peace of mind.

Before I could calm myself, I received several texts from Noah, demanding to know my location. I didn’t respond. I turned off all the notifications and ordered a coffee instead. Shortly, I found a familiar face approaching me. It happened to be Seth.

More concerned than surprised to see me, he asked me, “Are you alright, Christie?”

“I have been better,” I responded before asking him to join me. “But, what are you doing here?”

Pulling out a chair adjacent to mine, he sat on it before revealing, “I usually come to this place for my morning coffee, but this is the first time in two years that I saw you here.”

“I just felt like giving this place a try,” I said, burying my face in my hands. “Why do you always ask so many questions?”

By grabbing my face and making me stare into his eyes, he spoke, “As your best friend, I want to be more included in your life.”