I move along the pavements towards the library. Deep down I know whatever that girl said was true. But I still don't want to admit. It might be that to surrender to happiness,was  to accept defeat, but it was a defeat better than many victories of human bondage.  Or was I wrong. This was the problem of letting other people into your world,  right  now I felt vulnerable to him.  In a way,  he was holding my universe together. One move and my world would Crumble down. The sons of Adam had proven to be unreliable and full of deception in history and I wouldn't let that happen to me.    All I wanted was him to just lay in bed together with me, and talk about nothing like we did the other night. With him rubbing my hair and back. Just us against the world. Listening to the beat of each others hearts and music of th

I wake up with a jolt and find myself outside under the moonlight. I scream harder as I take in my environment confused. Their is a rustle of grass behind me and I take off again to God knows where crying. I could feel the flight responses in me kick in,  increasing my heart rate flooding me with added adrenaline  " Twain! Wait it is me Steve," " Am with you stop running,"  I can't hear the words and I'm thrown off balance landing on the ground. " Twain, I need you to listen, this is Steve, we are here for mini camping we are together,"  he continues trying to steady his breath and calm the panic in his veins.  " You need to breathe, you are hyperventilating." " That monster in your dreams is not real, you are here with me." After some time my breath comes back to normal and I try tearing myself away from Steve. He is hesita

I dialled Elaine's phone several times and it just kept ringing. She was Mama's favorite child and she of all people shouldn't be off.   The campus had just been closed down yesterday due to the covid 19 pandemic, when I was still mourning a relationship that never existed.   I slapped myself in the head three times forcing my anxiety, distress and emotions to work together with me and solve the current issue.   I could fix my broken heart alone but I can't fix Mama's illness so she can get well. I felt bad at myself remembering the earphones incident at the hospital when I couldn't hear her calling me.   Dear God, just this once help mama get well, I prayed frantically.

Everything breaks. Hearts break, promises break and pencils break too. Some just take longer before they do. Lovers also break. Tall buildings break because of a small tremor.The world is crumbling under us and its the solid ground beneath our feet that's an illusion. When everything is stripped down its essence and the illusions go away, we are all going to crumble down like some landslide and be buried in our own fantasies.I walk into the emergency section of the hospital and find everybody standing in a line like a wall. They are all looking at me, not sure who is going to break the news." Twain, we tried, the doctors tried too, but things happen according to God's will. "The voice gets distant as he continues speaking. I feel myself floating in space watching from a distance. Fate can not  be so cruel. To he'll with fate.What about what I want. What about her getting well." We just arrived and she was trying to be s

Dear no oneDear diary,  I'm sorry I ignored you for a while and I haven't been writing here. This only means that things are not okay. I have been bottling up my feelings and that is dangerous.  Because these emotions and hate will build up on each other until I can not take it anymore and explode killing someone. But don't you worry,  what we have with you,  no one could ever understand or take that away from us because you are my best friend who listens to me without judging me and I am grateful for that. Dear no oneToday, I accidentally cut my wrist with a blunt blade and had to wear a pullover through out. My partner in science class probably saw it and made fun of me the whole day with his friends saying I was nose bleeding. But I am used to that, everyone making a fun of me. it used to hurt me until it does not anymore, and I kind of miss that hurt, because I am lost without it.