She looks good; she looks way better than she did in that hospital bed. And just the simple act of looking at her filled me with more peace and joy than I can remember. It was a bitch being this close and still not being able to approach her, but it was good enough for now. It will have to be. I watched her from afar and felt a smile in my heart when she threw her head back and laughed at something her friend said. She used to laugh like that with me, better even. Her laugh, like her cheeks, is one of those things I missed about her at night when I was lying alone beneath the stars, fighting to get the drugs out of my system and back to some semblance of humanity.If it wasn't for her, I'd have given up on the idea, especially in those first few days, which are always the hardest when going through detox. Add the psych shit to the mix, and it has been a different kind of hell. I just keep reminding myself that it's for her because, in all honesty, if it was just for me, I don't think

She's going to pull a runner. I guess I should've expected something like this. Though the girl I knew wasn't one for running from anything, her behavior over the last five years had been quite different from the norm. I felt guilty that I was the cause of her giving up her vacation; in fact, I wasn't quite sure how to feel about her leaving after seeing me. But I also don't know what I'd expected.Yeah, I do; I expected her to run into my arms like some cheesy romcom movie, something I instinctively knew was not going to happen because, along with her sweetness, she had a stubborn streak a mile long that would not allow her to just give in to me at first sight.I'd built up the moment of our first meeting in my head for so long that I think I'd overlooked a few things, like the fact that real life hardly ever, if ever, follows the plans and ideas in my head. Still, the decision to follow her here was a compulsion I couldn't resist.I still have to work on my impulsiveness where she's

Well, what do you know, life does go on. A little change of scenery and a new and exciting project that takes up most, if not all, of your time, and well, you stop caring too much about what's being said. You'd think after weeks had gone by that the Ryder thing would've died down, but nope.It only seems to have opened up the proverbial can of worms all over again. To make matters worse, no one has seen hide nor hair of him since then, which has prompted everyone and their mother to stalk me around town as if expecting him to pop up any minute.Thankfully I've been too busy for all this nonsense. My agent seems to think I had acquired superpowers since my last breakdown because I find myself having to turn down offers left and right when there was hardly ever anything to choose from before. Granted, I was doing a pretty good rendition of a corpse back then, but still.Instead of griping about it, I decided to be thankful for all of it, but I'm still going to pick and choose what I want

Why was I so worried about doing this, and why did it take me so long? I had a blast. Well, except for the paparazzi that came out in droves. Tonight, they kinda reminded me of the hyenas that were after Mufasa's body. I tend to get a bit over dramatic when I'm pressed.True to his word, Evan was the perfect gentleman, and he seemed genuinely happy with my company. We laughed, we talked, we shared cute little stories, and by the end of it, I was wondering why I couldn't feel anything for him beyond the friendship I was willing to offer.He's such a nice guy, something of a rarity in this town, not to mention hot, but I couldn't even dredge up a tingle for the poor guy. It's like parts of me had gone numb, and others had stopped living altogether. But I did have fun, so much so that I reached for his hand to thank him as we left the establishment."Thanks, Evan, this was great; I had an awesome time." Of course, the cameras caught that moment, and I almost panicked when I saw the flash

"My dad is going to contact you soon. He's going to make it appear that you two are working on a movie together. He's gonna make it appear that that's where you've been for the past couple of months. The story's going to be that he wanted to clean you up before offering you the project.""I still don't see how that's going to work. Your family only works with the best. I've never acted a day in my life. Besides, my reputation doesn't mesh with the clean-cut actors and actresses he usually works with.""Don't worry about it. My dad already has a press release ready to go out about the project you'd be working on. As to your reputation in the past, everyone knows my dad's image and that this is something he would do, so it shouldn't be a hard sell.""As to why you disappeared, that too is something he would do. He would clean you up first before he ever puts you in front of one of his cameras. So that's the story you're going to go with. You don't have to do anything; just wait until aft