"We're going to sit down for a nice lunch and get fortified first, then it's back to work finding the perfect dress for your posh country celebrity wedding. Which is happening in seven short weeks." Ben looked upward and crossed himself. "We can do this." I couldn't resist texting Ethan over lunch. He seemed to enjoy our banter and usually replied if he wasn't in a meeting, and sometimes even when he was.Naughty texts too. I grinned as I typed: I might hay to go naked 2 marry u. No dress luck yet. Havin lunch now? I didn't have long to wait before my phone vibrated. No baby. U have it wrong. OK 2 B Naked for honeymoon ONLY! Dress essential 4 wedding. xx I laughed out loud and gained the unwanted attention of my friends. I tried to cover my mistake by delving into my salad. Didn't have a chance of working, though."Sexting again?" Ben asked with a smirk. "Sorry. It happens spontaneously." I tilted my head and shrugged. "Blame the hormones?" It was worth a shot to use the hormones at

I think the Afghans experimented on me to see what all the fuss was about with waterboarding. It wasn't their preferred method, that's for sure. Winching me up by the arms and shredding my back was their favorite. That and depriv- ing me of sleep for what seemed like weeks at a time. The mind does crazy shit when there is no rest for the cogs. I looked up at the stars and thought of her. My mum. She was an angel up there somewhere. I knew this. Spirituality is deeply personal and I needed no other confirmation of what I believed other than what I knew to be real inside my heart. She was up there watching over me somehow and was with me when they were going to cut off myNope. Not going to that fucked-up horror right now. Later....I got up quickly and stubbed out my second ciggie. I tucked the butts back in the pack and went inside my father-in-law's nice American modern house. I'd never speak to him again, but ironically, one of the most important conver sations I'd ever had, when we

Lance had been away at college, and I had been young and stupid. A long life- time ago. Another world ago. Did Karl know he was the reason Lance became angry enough to drug me, and then film his buddies using me on a pool table? If I'd never gone out with Karl, maybe Lance and his friends wouldn't have made the video of me at the party that night. The scenarios were endless. Woul- da, coulda, shoulda... Yeah, did me absolutely no good to go there."I heard about it from Jess, of course," he said, reaching an arm around her shoulders in a familiar affectionate gesture, "and I wanted to pay my respects in person." Jessica looked up at him with stars in her eyes. It didn't take a genius to see that my old friend had fallen hard for Karl Westman. He seemed very into her as well. I sincerely hoped it worked out for the two of them. They made a great couple.I forced a smile and did the best acting performance of my life. "I'm so happy to see you both. It's been far too long." Ethan drew me

"I slept for about three days straight once we got back to London. I needed it. and returning to my familiar surroundings did help a great deal," I told Dr. Roswell. "I'm starting the research project the university approved for me, and have good friends around me helping to plan this wedding." "How are the night terrors now that you are off the medication?" she asked. "It's inconsistent. I started having them again after I stopped the pills, but now that this stuff now that my dad has died—they've stopped again. Do you think it's because my mind is now full of something worse to take the place of what I dreamed before?"Dr. Roswell looked at me carefully and asked, "Is the death of your father worse than what happened to you when you were seventeen?"Whoa. Heavy question, that. And one I had never pondered before. My first urge was to say that of course, the death of my father was worse, but, if I was honest with myself, I don't think it was. I was an adult now and could see things w

Jonathan was quiet in the car while driving me to my studio shoot. He seemed to be thinking and I wondered... How did he feel about the nude modeling? What had Ethan told him about it? Had he ever seen any of my pic tures? I guess I wouldn't know if I didn't ask him, and that was something I didn't get into with people. My modeling was personal and not open to negoti- ation.In no time, it seemed, Jonathan pulled up to the address in Notting Hill and waited for me to enter the elegant white house that was hosting my photo shoot today. I waved to him as I went in, and then I was off to work, my focus shifting smoothly to what I'd been hired to do.The inane questions people ask during conversations are so ridiculous at times I wonder how I manage not to leap on the table and shout, "How can you be so fucking stupid and manage to still be breathing?!" Alas... I've learned to keep my flap shut even when it has pained me greatly to do so.I was just about to sneak in a much-needed nicotin